familyfull

We are talking 3 1/2 year olds here. There is a group of 4 boys that have big personalities (high energy, intense) that all gravitate to one another. My son is one of them. While playing in the sand, bikes, blocks... the situation seems to escalate and somebody starts hitting/pushing/throwing. the acting out behavior, in my opinion and from what I've seen, is from somebody REACTING (i.e. 1st boy digging hole, 2nd boy comes to fill up hole, 1st boy says "no!", 2nd boy keeps filling hole, 1st boy pushes 2nd boy down). I don't condone any violent/acting out behavior. The school is a cooperative which means one teacher and 6 parents oversee the classess.

To the point, Teacher has pinpointed my son out, which as a parent is very offensive. She had wanted to send him home if he acted out 3 times during the 2 1/2 hours. Nothing was said of the others. Mind you this is a concern I brought up in November to the teacher and she NEVER followed up with me on it. I asked her if she wouldn't mind trying another solution that might actually get to the root of the problem. What is causing him to act out? (of course by now my son been punished and pulled aside for months without his feelings being validated or been given other options because he does not have the capability to explain the whole story and of course the other children at that point just say he pushed/hit whatever - he has only been instilled with the no hitting)

Anyway, met with teacher and director and we agreed to my request which was to shadow my son (and this group of boys) for 3 weeks and forstall any potential acting out by interceding and empowering the feelings going on, making the friends listen, redirecting, and reminding them (empowering them) with other options if their friends don't listen (go get somebody - do something else). By the way, I consulted a developemental psychologist on this one about how to handle this sit. and how long to give it a try. Sorry to be long winded...

We are on the 3rd week starting today. I have cooped once each week (Tues. Thurs. class) over this time. Thurs, Feb. 21 I cooped, teacher made announcement to class about the shadowing. Last Thurs. when I cooped no announcement, I didn't see her assign a person to shadow. Shadowing didn't happen; Last Thursday while there, my son was found hidden in the barn behind the lemonade stand crying on the ground. Nobody knew where he was - I couldn't even find him (this is totally out of his character).

Today is Tuesday (and I coop again this Thursday) and I don't even want to take him there. It broke my heart last week about the barn. I don't want to leave him in an environment where his feelings aren't validated and he isn't redirected and empowered with other choices. I just don't feel that the teacher and other parents (maybe they haven't been informed) have given my son the support I feel he needs - and it was just for 3 weeks - a consistent 3 weeks.

Term is over end of May. My son looks forward to school, however, by end of class he is emotionally spent for whatever reason (I can only imagine). Should I withdraw him? My follow up meeting with teacher and director is on 3/18, anybody have additional insight?