Should I be concerned that my son's best friend has a SERIOUS behavior disorder? - Parenting Issues Message Board

Cheryl3 · 03-12-2003, 04:14 PM

Never mind, problem solved!

[This message has been edited by Cheryl3 (edited 04-10-2003).]

Lindarella · 03-13-2003, 12:20 PM

Boy that is a dilema. I'm with you on the "eating with the other kid cuz he was good today" thing. I wouldn't like it. It's taking away from your son, the ability to make new friends or be with the other children at lunchtime.

It's nice that your son is helping this other child. I'm sure that part is probably a good experience for him to be in. But I think it's a tall order for him to have to eat with this kid in the counselors area. I think the teacher could come up with other ways to reward the other child that wouldn't involve your child at all.

I would talk to the teacher without your son knowing and just explain what you've explained here. I think she could see, if you put it the way you did here, that while it's kind of her to help this troubled child, that to put your son up as the reward for his good behavior isn't the best of situations for your son.

On the other hand. If your son seems happy with the situation and doesn't mind, it probably isn't hurting him any in the long run.

familyfull · 03-13-2003, 03:52 PM

I don't have any experience or input on whether other people will assign/label or stereo type you son here.

Reading your post reminded me of what my aunt has shared with me in rearing her, now, teenagers about when one of them has befriended another person they would rather not have them be around. My aunt would only praise and make nice comments about the people she was comfortable that her children associated with; my aunt would stay neutral about the individuals that she was not comfortable with her kids hanging around with. She would never outwardly say anything bad or even tell her kids that she didn't want them to hang around with a certain person. Eventually her own child would move on and figure things out for themself and that relationship would diminish.

That motherly instinct is usually correct - in that it might not make sense for these personalities to be naturally drawn to one another

I am not trying to down this other child and whatever his situation is. I just know a parent wants to guide their child and protect them too with only good intentions.

What do the counselors or school psychologist have to say regarding this matter? Is this just something that the teacher has put together on his/her own? Really, what are some other options? Off the cuff, it does seem kinda weird to isolate your son from his other friends as a reward to someone else's good behavior. How comfortable are you with this arrangement?