Should I or shouldn't I? - Parenting Issues Message Board

mummyboo · 03-03-2003, 11:54 PM

My 9 year old son has been bullied on and off by the same kid for 2 years. We have just started a new school year and although things are much better (they are in different classes) he's been physically hurt twice by this child. Nothing major - just pushing. He stood up for himself both times and told the teacher, but somehow this little rotter gets away with it every time.

The other thing that really gets up MY nose is that they are always calling him gay. For 2 years now they have been saying this. I have told the teachers and they have brushed it off by saying that "Gay" is the new IN word instead of "jerk" or other trendy put downs. Twice this year children have said to my son that he prefers boys to girls - and those kinds of comments that imply that they KNOW exactly what they are saying, and use the word intentionally.

Let me just add that although I would worry about their lives being more difficult - my children's sexual preferences wouldn't concern me at all. My definition of "gay or homosexual" to them has always been, "If you are homosexual, when you fall in love, it's with a person of the same gender." I am concerned because of the bullying issue he isn't very confident making friends and I don't want potential friends to be worried about being called gay also.

Now the question: Should I do something about it, like talk to the deputy principal? Or just support and reassure him from home?

LookingForHealth · 03-04-2003, 01:35 AM

You might want to check out dr phil, there was a bullying episode last week, its serious.

mlgable · 03-04-2003, 07:49 AM

I would be sure that the head of your son's school is aware of what is going on both with the bullying and the kids using the word gay when they full well know what they are saying. As for your son lacking confidence would he be interested in karate lessons or some other type of weekly activity? They say karate helps build character and confidence. Continue to support your son at home and let him know that he can come to you at any time if there are problems either at school or at home. I am painfully aware of how the perptrator often doesn't get the just punishment and instead it is like the good kid gets punished. A classmate of my daughters recently wrecked her school project and when I asked if her if she told the teacher she said yes but the teacher told her she would just have to fix it. It was due the next day and I was at work that evening and my husband was at his night class so no one could have even taken her out to buy supplies had she needed any to fix it. I felt like my daughter was being punished so to speak when she did nothing wrong.

Chelle1977 · 03-04-2003, 09:35 AM

If the teachers will not take your complaints seriously, and it doesn't sound as though they are, then you need to escalate it yourself and speak with the principal. It doesn't matter what the trendy put down words are, they shouldn't be using ANY of them. The teachers need to be more aware of what is going on in their classrooms and take control of the situation.

I also agree with the suggestion of encouraging your son to participate in a sport of some kind for confidence building. This will also allow him to meet new friends who may or may not attend his school/grade.

mommyof5 · 03-07-2003, 10:39 PM

Go to the principal! I've dealt with a real s*** disturber of a bully for 3 years now. Teachers don't do much about it. The bully (boy - now 13) is a year older and bigger than my daughter. There is so much to say about it I could write a book. When the bully told my daughter he was going to kill her (this was a week after he had told a 6 year old girl (friend of my other daughter) he was going to rape and kill women one day and one of them might be her!) I actually went to the police stationto get some info. I then went to the school (no appointment!) and demanded to see the principal (by the way I'm the quiet, shy type). I informed the principal about what I knew what I could do (arrest the boy - not that I really wanted to). The principal (I can tell) is at the end of his rope with this kid. After a lenghthy discusion (1 1/2 hours) with the principal I told him perhaps somebody should inform this "child" that he is now old enough to be arrested as a juvinile under the young offenders act (here in Quebec between the ages of 13 until when they turn 18 that's what happens). He could end up in a juvinile detention center "kiddy jail" or be removed from his (awful) family and be placed in a group home or foster home. It's already happened to his older sister (15 years old). She beat up another girl so badly with a stick or rod that the other girl was hospitalized and she attacked teachers at the high school. Since that "talk" with the principal he hardly ever bothers my daughter now. Good luck to you and be persistant!