Rage in my 9 year old son! - Parenting Issues Message Board

mommyof5 · 03-01-2003, 11:02 AM

My son has ADHD and CAPD (central auditory processing disorder). He also seems to have a lot of rage. He takes 10mg ritalin 3 x a day, which definitly helps him at school. He's now a scolar since he started meds 1 year ago. It's this rage thing I can't seem to understand or get under control! When he gets mad he sometimes hits his sisters, he throws things, bangs walls, stomps around, punches the couch, takes swings at me (from a distance!), breaks toys, rips the covers and sheets off his bed, etc.

Does anyone know what I can do about this? He was the same way before the meds and I thought the meds would help him control himself but they haven't done anything for this part of him! I don't know what to do about it!

Could he have another thing wrong with him? I know there are all kinds of things out there, ex: OCD, bipolar, ODD, etc but does he fit any of this or are there more things I don't know about?

He NEVER acts this way at school, at scouts, at swimming, at grandma's, at friends' houses,etc.

I'm at my wits end with him, please help!

mommyof5

Marie55 · 03-02-2003, 05:49 PM

People naturally take their frustrations out on family members. For this reason, your son acts up at home and not in school or other locations. Home is a place to let loose and let your hang down so to speak. Try to find a way to prevent things that will anger him. Talking and reasoning may or may not help but worth a try.

He may have another problem that needs to be addressed.

Marie

paigemaster · 03-14-2003, 08:25 PM

Is there a father, or male, figure in his life? Try to get him involved in school events where there are males he can relate to. I have a daughter and a son, but no "daddy" figure, and I think this is hard on my son, but you might have a husband in the house or whatever, I just thought I'd reply to your plea of help. Good luck.

seasant · 03-15-2003, 02:17 AM

Hi again Mommy of 5!
Perhaps this child also has Oppositional Defiance, or perhaps he has major rebound from his adhd medication.
Because you love him so much, he feels safe expressing himself around you. It is typical for OD children to treat their mothers as he treats you, while "maintaining" around others.
Take care.

mommyof5 · 03-15-2003, 05:05 AM

What I can say is his "fits" have been around ever since I can remember, probably in the terrible two's. Funny thing there is my other ds just turned 3 and their tantrums are very similar. As if my 9 year old never outgrew his terrible two's in a way!

I understand that home is a safe place to vent and I'm sure he has lots of frustrations in all different areas. Ex: School is not easy because he has ADHD and the central auditory processing disorder but is to young to realise this could be bothering him. Another example is I won't let him have a t.v., nintendo, ***********, etc. in his room. That really ****es him off because other kids have that at their houses. It's not for lack of money (I can always pick up a second hand t.v. for $50.00 canadian) it's the principal of the matter. I want my family to be together and the equipement is to be shared amongst the 5 kids (he's the one who plays the games mostly anyway so he's not suffering for lack of time shareing).

A month after he had just turned 3 his biological father left us (April 1997). Abandoned us. Me with 4 kids - a 3 month old, a 17 month old, a 3 year old and an almost 6 year old. We don't hear from him, I have no clues as to where he is, etc, etc. I met up with Tony (I used to date him when I was 17) 4 months later (aug 1997) at a mutual friends b-day party. About a week later he gave me a call and wanted to come visit, I kind of held him at bay for about a month although we spoke on the phone. By the end of September I invited him over during the day, We had supper with the kids and he left early (7:00 - 8:00). Gradually but slowly our relationship developed. By November he was spending week-ends plus coming over in the evening about 2 working days a week. By December, when my youngest turned 1 she started calling him da-da. We discussed his moving in with me and he really wanted to but was in a predicament. He is Italian and still lived at home with old fashioned parents. He was afraid they would disown him if he lived with a non-Italian woman with 4 kids (what a disgrace!). Anyway I told him nicely that he had to make a choice, either move in or stop spending the week-ends (overnight) because the kids were getting confused. The baby was calling him da-da, the others called him Papa-Tony and there was bonding happening. The first week of February he moved in. Since then he has taken over the role as Daddy. My son is the only one who calls him Tony, the rest call him Daddy. My son spent a good 6 months to a year not believing this man was here to stay, he always thought he would just get up and go. There has always been somewhat of a struggle in their relationship but this man (Tony) has been his "Daddy" for 5 years. Tony is a great guy, he treats the kids as if they were his own. People who don't know the situation are amazed when they find out he's a step-dad and not a bio-dad. He is completely involved in everything in their lives. But my son rages at him mostly. My son honestly loves tony, brags about him o his friends, you know like he can do any thing kind of stuff as if he's superman or something (it's a bit funny because Tony is 5'6" and weighs 145 lbs! lol) but in my ds's eyes he's much more than that.

mommyof5