hard to get son to do homework - Parenting Issues Message Board

Blue2U · 03-13-2003, 01:06 PM

This year has been the worst !! My son is 12 years old, in the 6th grade and is going through a phase where it seems way more important for him to be cool than it is for him to complete his homework and make good grades.

His last report card wasn't good, but wasn't terrible 2 B's the rest C's ......this reportcard that just came out today ..........3 F's, 2 B's ....OH MY GOD !!

I am totally flipping. Every night I have asked him if he has homework, sometimes yes, sometimes no ...when he says Yes, I've checked it to be sure it's right ....when he says "No" ..I've questioned as to why he did not have homework.

Obviously, I need to do more .....I'm a full time working, single parent doing the best I can, when obviously I'm failing him somehow.

When he called me today he said "Mom, I'm in big trouble, I've got the worst reportcard ever" ....

I am so mad I could scream !! Short of putting him on restriction for the full next 9 weeks, taking his TV, video games, stereo, cd's, etc .........HELP !! What can I do to make him see the importance of getting good grades?

Pugbear · 03-13-2003, 02:37 PM

I think you are handling this in the wrong way. By shouting and screaming.

Every parent on the planet wants the best for their children of course, but sometimes what parents think is very different from how the child is seeing things.

Your making homework a bore for him, by constantly checking up on him, if hes telling the truth etc..

The best thing my mum ever did for both my sister and I was let us get on with it ourselves. She would never ever pressure us into doing our homework...she would just say 'well its up to you, if you want to work in a supermarket then sure dont do it, dont work hard' and...believe me, this makes you think alot more than shouting and screaming. He'll just start to ignore you as he gets older, slam the door in your face and turn his music up load.

My mum let us develop, and we realised by ourselves that we had ambition to get somewhere. We're both currently at university.
I think you need to give him a little more credit, he obviously has the intelligence (from his first report card).

Also...it has to be taken into account that he is 12, exactly the time you want to be cool, and start to think a little more about girls. This is normal. completely.

I think you should give him a break, encourage him...enable him to make his own choices about his education. Not everyone is destined to be academic, but that is his choice. By constantly pushing him, you could be damaging his outlook on education.

At the end of the day, he will go to college or whatever because HE wants to...not because you do.

Have a chat with him, ask him if he has any problems at school, if he likes it...if he would like the thought of college? explained it will take hard work..but dont push it on him.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.

Blue2U · 03-13-2003, 02:49 PM

I haven't yelled and screamed at him ....I said I feel like screaming.

As far as checking up on him .....I don't think I was making it clear that he's lying about having homework. His teacher states he never writes his homework in his planner, as everyone in his class is instructed to do. Then he comes home and when I say "Hey there, any homework to do tonight?" He lies and says "No" ....when he does !!

When I say, "Hey, any tests this week we need to study for" ...He says "No" when he's lying.

Am I reading your advice correctly? I should not ask, I should not check and I should basically have the thinking that it's up to him whether or not he fails the 6th grade?

I don't think that's wise ......or am I taking your advice incorrectly?

charby15 · 03-13-2003, 02:58 PM

I have to disagree with pugbear because i was a bad student that needed my parents to push me. I didn't know until the day of graduation weather or not i was going to graduate. I lucked out and did graduate. I tried college and hated it. But now that i have a wonderful job i am finishing college.

My brother is 17 and a senior and if my parents didn't push him and ground him and take things away he would not be graduating!!! That would be so irresponsible as a parent to sit back and watch your CHILD fail!! They are your responsibility atleast until the age of 18. Then if he doesn't want to go to college thats his choic. BUt you need to make him understand how important it is to have a diploma!! My parents didn't yell and scream, but they didn't hesitate to punish us because of our bad grades!!! And if you have to fight, agrue, ground and be a mean awful parent for a while they will understand sooner or later why education is soo important. What my parents are doing with my brother is they have a tutor set up for him. They get weekly progress reports from his teachers and he has a sheet that has all his classes on it. Everyday the teachers put his homework, when it is due and so on and signs it. That way my parents can monitor him and keep on him to get it done otherwise he wouldnt do anything! I think as a parent you have to do whatever it takes to make sure your kids get an education. Maybe some of those idea's will work with your son. Sounds like he used to get good grades before so it shouldn't be too hard to get him back in the swing of things. Just DON'T GIVE UP!!

charby15 · 03-13-2003, 03:09 PM

I just read your other post and if he is lying i would set up a meeting with his teachers and have them check his planner every day and sign off on his homework and still sign it if he really has none. Have them put tests and everything and sign it EVERYDAY. Make him responsible for having the teachers sign it too, tell him if it is not signed my each teacher everyday you will call his teacher and find out if there is homework and weather or not he is lying and if that is the case that is a week of being grounded everytime!!! Limit his phone calls, TV, ***********, computer (for personal use) time for after his homework is done and checked!! I know it is hard being a single parent, but if thats what you gotta do then do it!! YOu sound like you are doing a wonderful job and keep it up! Again i hope my advice helps!