Destructive children, how to deal with them? - Parenting Issues Message Board

Glitterygrl · 07-14-2003, 06:36 PM

How does everyone else deal with destructive children? My two children have always been destructive, breaking their things and ours sometimes. Then they cry and complain that they have nothing to play with. My now 12 year old daughter was that way all through her childhood and she has nothing left after breaking all her stuff up. Now she is working on my 5 year old son's stuff with his help ofcourse. I am at my WITS end, I don't know what to do to stop them from destroying everything that they have. They even ruin stuff around the house. What can I do???

HeyThere · 07-14-2003, 10:45 PM

Change their environment - TV shows Video Games friends-seeing violence and destruction breeds it. Monkey see monkey do. Show them pictures of countries where there is nothing in abundance. Teach them they are still in their formative years. Tell them you have to get rid of the TV satelite or cable or videos/DVDs because all the things they are destroying are costing more money to replace and you can't afford those luxuries anymore then make the 12yo do some chores for allowance to gain a sense of monetary value at thtat age they have no sense of it. Good luck.

[This message has been edited by HeyThere (edited 07-15-2003).]

normorcrazy · 07-16-2003, 01:11 PM

My nephews are the same way. Unfortunately, 2 of the 3 have ADHD and everything is blamed on this illness. I won't buy them anything anymore unless it comes from the dollar store cause I know they will break it. I think the last post has a good point. Good luck!!

jboon · 07-19-2003, 09:36 PM

What types of consequences come from your children's destructive behavior? For instance, last summer my 10 year old ADHD son broke his ceiling fan. He had repeatedly jumped up from the floor or off his bed to pull the cord that changes the fan speed after being told to use a chair. Well, he did quite a job on it to the point where the entire fan had to be dismantled and an interior switch replaced. We made him pay for the new switch and help repair the fan. Another time, when he was 8, he told a neighborhood kid to throw rocks at someone's mailbox, which this kid did. They got caught. I made my son call the neighbor whose mailbox was hit and apologize to her for his part of the incident. Then he had to call the other kid's mother and tell her that even though he didn't make her son throw the rocks, he challenged him to, and was sorry for that. Another time, when he was four, he and a friend broke a whole bucket's worth of new crayons at a restaurant. My son had to go up to the manager, tell him what he had done, and let him know that he would be bringing back new ones to replace the ones he'd broken. Then, he went to the store with me, got new crayons, and gave them to the manager. At almost 11 years old, he STILL talks about that incident! Children have to accept responsibility for their actions and discover the consequences from poor choices or destructive behavior.

kblou · 07-22-2003, 11:43 AM

I know it's hard not to buy your kids new things, adn you can't really avoid birthdays or Christmas, but I'd just start makign them replace everything they break. Even a five year old isn't too young. There are things he can do to earn the money for new toys, too. Talk to the adults around them that buy them things for special occasions (and especially ones that buy them things "just because) and ask if they can't just start getting them things like books--or better yet, boring things, like Savings Bonds! When your kids learn that people don't like to have the things they buy for them disrespected, and they won't get anything else as long as that is going on, they'll start treating things better. Trust me--I went through this with my stepson. He never kept anything nice--I bought him his first Bible when he moved in with us, and the next day, it was on his floor like he had held it by the spine and dropped it--pages splayed everywhere. He'd written on it with crayon, drawn on it, torn some pages, adn the cover is so wrinkled and bent you'd think he had it for the full 11 years of his life. He did this because when he was living with his mom, they all treated him like a 5 year old, gave in to whatever he wanted, adn didn't make him take responsibility for anything. I'm not saying you're doing that with your kids, but it took a lot for us to get my stepson on the right track. It looks like you've got a good start, so keep it up, and good luck!