littleone314

I'm 17 and have a 6 month old son, Austin. His father (lets call him Bob) recently filed for a DNA test because he was trying to "run away" from responsibility and was clinging to a thread hoping he wasn't the father but of course he is and the test proved this. In short, his family condoned him running away from his responsibilites instead of teaching him to stand up and take those responsibilities. So, now I'm forced with the decision of asking him to sign over his rights or getting child support.

Bob is 16 and definantly not ready to be a father to this baby. He and his family wanted me to abort early on. Something I feel strongly against and of course sayed no. Adoption wasn't a choice either. This baby was a part of me and whether or not me sleeping with Bob was right or wrong I knew I would love this baby more than life itself. I had a rough first few months of pregnancy and was sick most of it. Bob and I remained together for the first 3 1/2 months and even then it was rocky. He started withdrawing from me and his family was viscious towards me. They slandered my name in public and was just ruthless. Not once did he stand up for me. He was letting friends and sports take priority over me and his baby. I didn't need him treating me like that. I deserved so much better. Well, right before we broke up my family and his got together and discussed everything. The first words out of their mouths was "of course your getting an abortion". I left there angrier than hell. Later on that week I ran into Bobs brother at a football game, (and right in front of my friends) told me I have no right to be at that game embarrising Bob, and telling me I was a ***** etc. So, that was the last straw..after Bob not standing up for me, I broke it off with him. Well, needless to say we didn't speak for weeks.

I had to have an emergency ultrasound done around the 18th week and we discovered that I was having a boy. I was elated. My family and I were soooo happy. That night I got home and I wrote him an email telling him the news and I didn't get a reply. So, I went through the rest of my pregnancy and not a word from them. When I went into labor someone called him and told him and he said he didn't want to be there.

Austin was born with a cleft lip/palate. This was never detected during any of the 10 ultrasounds I had during my high-risk pregnancy. It was rough and first but I would never change anything about it. Of course this condition requires surgery to fix and Austin had the first surgery at 4 months. So, a few weeks before the surgery I called Bob so I could tell him about the medical condition. He didn't ask what I named him, how much he weighed, what he looked like, or anything. I asked him if he wanted to be there for Austin's surgery and he plainly said "no, he didn't want to be there and that he wanted nothing to do with the baby". I felt it was the right thing to do to keep him informed of everything that went on. Well, after that phone conversation I went the next day and got a lawyer. He got in touch with Bob and his family and they requested a DNA test. That was done and came back Bob was the father. (as if there was any doubt) Bob never denied paternity AT ALL during the first few months. So, now I have to make a decision of whether or not to ask him to sign over his rights or whether or not to get child support. The extra money would be GREAT because money is tight but we make it. I go without before Austin does. But, my family has been such a tremindous help this entire time.

It's hard doing school and raising a baby but I love that child more than anyone will ever know. I wouldn't change a thing and Austin has changed my life completely...for the better. Yes, I will miss out on what most teenagers get to do but I look at it this way..30 years down the road knowing that I raised a baby will mean so much more to me than a prom night. Austin will bring me lifelong happiness and memories that will never be forgotten. I have been made to grow up so fast but now my life is going somewhere and no, it isn't the ideal situation but you deal with what life hands you. You never know what can happen and you just deal with it. I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Here are my feelings about Bob signing over his rights:
1. I wouldn't have to worry about Austin's safety
2. He wouldn't be raised by people who would teach him to run away from problems.
3. He wouldn't be going from house to house all the time.
4. He would be brought up the the right way.
5. He wouldn't have a daddy who wanted to abort him
6. I would feel I was taking his father away from him

If he didn't sign over his rights:
1. Child support.


I'm struggling with whether or not I should allow him in Austin's life. Personally, he didn't want him then why now? I know that once his family starts to fork out any money to us they will want to have time with Austin. I can't for the life of me see that happining. I don't think I could know that those horrible people had my baby. They were so cruel and heartless to me while I was carrying him...they didn't care about him then why now? Does anyone see where I'm coming from? I want to do what is right for Austin but I don't know what that is. Austin will always know who is biological father is because I want him to have the oppurtunity to find him one day when he is old enough. I want him to know his father because I think it's important to know who that person is but he will never be his "daddy". One day a man will come along that will love him as his own blood and that will be his "daddy". Could someone either share personal stories with me or give me some different view points to look at? Thanks so much and again..I'm sorry this was so long.

[This message has been edited by littleone314 (edited 10-07-2003).]