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Old 12-27-2002, 06:13 PM   #1
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Post Too old to shower together

I feel kind of weird asking this but maybe you woman can give me some insight about this issue, my wife has always given my 2 boys a bath before bedtime, now my oldest is 10 yrs old and now he sometimes gets in the shower with her, I tell her not to allow him to get in the shower with her, but she saids its ok, that there's nothing wrong with that, I think he's a little big now to be taking a bath with her. She saids that they are her boys and that she has nothing to hide or be afraid of, they are her boys. Even around the house, she is sometimes a little under dressed, and I dont think that the boys should be seeing her like this. What do you moms think about this?
Steve

 
Old 12-27-2002, 09:47 PM   #2
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Hi steve...i am a mom, and totally agree with you. That is too old to be showering with his mother. Although i have no idea what you should say to her seeing how she already has her mind made up that this is ok. If it hasnt stoped yet and she is perfectly fine with it when will it stop...ill think on this for you and maybe some up with a polite way to tell your wife that this is uneceptable.

Natasha
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Old 12-28-2002, 07:53 AM   #3
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In my mind, I always seem to draw the line of co-ed bathing sometime around either when a child is completely potty-trained, or about the time they start school. Both of these should have been accomplished for a 10 year old. I think 10 is way too old to be bathing with ANYONE else, of either gender. Putting a 3 year old and 5 year in the tub together is one thing, but a 10 year boy bathing with his mother seems a little odd to me--for that matter, a 10 year old girl bathing with her mother also seems odd to me. However, if you have spoken with your wife, and she still thinks it's all right, I don't what else you can do, other than print out these responses and show them to her. Maybe that will help.

 
Old 12-28-2002, 08:32 AM   #4
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I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" here. It is just custom and what one is comfortable with. My husband and I both allowed our children to shower with us as long as they wanted to...and it usually ended about 9 or 10.
When I was a kid, our family was friends with another family that had 6 children...and they built a huge Japanese bath, just so the whole family could bathe together on weekends. They even invited friends in with them...
My upbringing was much more prudish, so I was not having ANYTHING to do with that, but I don't see it as wrong, just different.
I think that your wife and sons get to decide what is comfortable/normal for them and I would not interfere unless I felt my spouse were doing something harmful to my child. How is seeing your own mother naked harmful?

 
Old 12-28-2002, 12:01 PM   #5
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Thanks Nat and Green for your insight on this matter, I'm glad someone agrees with me, as for muchroom, well I'm very much opened minded about things, but this is too much. When I was a child, I too saw my mom naked alot, but not cause she parade around the house that way, or took a shower with me either. I know there's nothing harmful with him seeing her naked but there has to be a line somewhere.
Thanks Again
Steve

 
Old 12-28-2002, 03:07 PM   #6
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Pacu~
I agree with you that 10 is a little old to take a bath with his mom. I think we are open-minded but since my son was about 5, he started asking questions about differences in our bodies. I openly answered his questions but I realized that he was becoming "too aware" of the differences. When he was bathing himself, I would still go in to assist him with washing his hair or etc. That all came to a stop when he was about 10 and was becoming very aware of his body changes and was feeling uncomfortable with me in there. He is now 12 and will only allow me to see him in the nude if he is sick or if it is totally necessary. Maybe your wife should talk to your son about what his "comfort zones" are with this but I agree with you that this should stop. Best of Luck!

 
Old 01-09-2003, 06:55 PM   #7
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I am a single mother with two sons 10 years and almost seven years old. If they havent had baths and we are running out of time they both jump in with me, get washed and jump back out- no big deal. But being around me without clothes has never been a big deal to them, My parents freaked out if I even saw them in their underwear and I can tell you I always wondered what the "big deal" was. I have always wanted my sons comfortable with their bodies and nakedness in general- being unclothed doesnt cause problems in my opinion, rather the actions and intent that go along with it. Believe me as soon as my boys decide this doesnt work for them anymore then no problem- for us it is just easier and quicker, and no there arent any sexual overtones at all- just a matter of taking care of business. But every family is different and each child has limitations- knowing their comfort zone and respecting it is a huge thing and must be respected I agree absolutely on it. So I guess I dont think its a big deal that your wife does this but if you do then you need to talk about it and deal with it because it obviously is an issue in your household.

 
Old 01-13-2003, 02:48 PM   #8
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Rainflower
Thanks for your point of view, I do agree with you to some point, but I just think that there should be a limit here, I mean I do want them to see comfortable with their bodies, but not when he's 10 trs old and already starting to ask certain questions, thats what I mean. but thanks anyway ok
Steve

 
Old 01-14-2003, 12:15 AM   #9
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There's just a certain time when the lines become crossed... what about a middle school boy taking a shower with his mom? Disgusting. It should never be happening as soon as the 1st clue of puberty is seen...the girl and the mother is different, but a boy and his mother, it's no longer cute to be a momma's boy past a certain age.

 
Old 01-14-2003, 08:33 PM   #10
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I think that each situation is different. Certainly if questions are being asked and there is a feeling of uncomfortableness felt by any person involved then yes, absolutely there needs to be a change.
Before I was a mother I would have thought that 10 years was too old, in our situation it still works fine, for how long I dont know. And most certainly when the time comes for it to change it will.
And yes, I think I am guilty for making my sons mama's boys, but may I add if its a choice between them acting like me and like my ex husband..Good Lord- I hope its me. Have a good day.

 
Old 01-14-2003, 08:33 PM   #11
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I think that each situation is different. Certainly if questions are being asked and there is a feeling of uncomfortableness felt by any person involved then yes, absolutely there needs to be a change.
Before I was a mother I would have thought that 10 years was too old, in our situation it still works fine, for how long I dont know. And most certainly when the time comes for it to change it will.
And yes, I think I am guilty for making my sons mama's boys, but may I add if its a choice between them acting like me and like my ex husband..Good Lord- I hope its me. Have a good day.

 
Old 01-16-2003, 08:57 AM   #12
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If the other boys at school find out that Timmy Joe showers with his mom, what would happen?

 
Old 01-16-2003, 10:20 AM   #13
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Yikes! Good point!

 
Old 01-16-2003, 10:21 PM   #14
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Oh yea. If Timmy Joe and his mother BOTH don't think anything is wrong and see it as normal, then Timmy Joe will tell his friends about it because to him it is perfectly normal.

 
Old 01-18-2003, 11:53 AM   #15
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Yes. And then Timmy Joe can begin thinking for himself and hopefully realize at a young age that it is perfectly acceptable if not encouraged to be his own unique person. Perhaps stand up for himself. Maybe even laugh at himself and say yeah that is funny guys, come home and say Mom I think I am ready to take a shower by myself. And maybe just maybe he can learn that not every single "little" thing needs to be blown out of proportion and made into a big deal.
Just a thought....

 
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