I'm having a hard x with my husband of 10 months, he has a 14 year old girl an a 12 year old boy. They have been raised for the last 2 years by a real bad person and they have no manners, no respect and they are very rude to me and hatefull. My husband just went back to court and got joint custody. So we hve gotten them for 2 weekends now and me and my husband are not financially stable yet. I've just started making decent money. Well he tells me when I got home friday that I needed to get ready that we were going to take the kids to the skating ring and that he and I would shop or something .We live and I work 30 minutes from town. I said you just picked up your children and u have not seen them in 2 weeks don't u think u should spend x with them? So when he finally told the kids the boy threw a big fit ,He already had been acting ugly to me So Saturday he took the boy to a card thinat a book store. My husband buys him 30.00 worth of cards. He took his daughter to a cousin's and gave her 20.00 to blow. WE will never get ahead like this. I'm furious. Please help me?????
Please think about your situation. You knew ahead of time that your husband had 2 children and should have known he would have the children 50% of the time, yet, you married him anyway. Children do not come and then go out of a parent's life as a rule. The status of children usually changes and he could have them 100% of the time. Before marriage a person should plan on that being the eventual case.
Your attitude will go a long ways in whether or not the children learn to like and respect you.
My advice is to think positive, act positive, be patient during this time of your husband trying to make amends and be a part of his children's lives.
Put yourself in your husband's place and decide what you would do if you were in the same shoes. Until you walk in those exact shoes you will not know what you would really do.
The two of you should work out a budget and set aside a certain amount to be used for his children and be realistic. He does have an obligation to his children.
Remember, you win more friends by being nice than being not so nice. Same with his children, go out of your way to be friends, accept them for who they are and then maybe some of your love and care will help them to become better children.
It will be up to "you" to make this a happy family or make it a battleground.
Sounds like your husband could use some pointers on what makes for "quality time" with his children versus spending money on them and leaving while they do something else.
First off, I would say try and remember that it isn't the childrens fault.
Also, I would suggest that your husband really rethink his attitude where his children are concerned.
He obviously went to court to get them 50% of the time and unless he did that simply to spite their mother he must want to be with them.
He probably doesn't know 'how' to spend time with his children and he is probably as overwhelmed as you are by their attitude.
Talk with him. Come up with a strategy that works for both of you and STICK to it. Remember you are a team.
If you need to speak with their other caregiver and settle the matter so that all of you are in agreement.
Providing a united front for the children will help them to become disciplined and it sounds like this is what you all need.
These are teenagers. They are going to drive you insane, that is their job. It is normal. On top of that you are just married to their dad? Expect an extra heaping of torture.
My advice to you is to stay out of it and STOP competing with them. The time will go by FAST, trust me. Just stay out of it. Yea, you won't "get ahead" for a couple of years but the payoff in the LONG RUN is worth to you. They will be married and have kids and they will think about how you treated them for those few short years when they needed comfort for the PAIN they are in. Do you want to be the salt on their wounds or a band-aid???
Listen to the other posters...
Trust us, my husband is a product of what you are doing & we do not associate with his dad & stepmom to this day. Basically my kids DO NOT have his dad as their grandpa...think about what you are doing for your future.
__________________
Married 1990
2 daughters, 7 & 12
Suffer from allergies & other aliments
Quit smoking June 3 2003
Will be 39 in Feb.
Scared to turn 40
Giving his daughter $20 to "blow" is nothing. If they lived in your home full-time, you and your husband would be spending much, much, more than that on groceries, transportation, school supplies, etc.
Passive Husband's Ruining Our Marriage 
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