My 6 year old is acting out - Parenting Issues Message Board

Kelcy · 10-13-2003, 07:19 PM

HELP... I dont know what to do at this point my 6 year old son has began acting out. He will break stuff around the house and he yells at me at the top of his lungs. And when I try to tell him what he is doing is wrong he smiles at me. And grounding doesnt help and neither does taking away toys. Ive tried the reward system and that doesnt seem to do much either. My husband tells me I have a problem with follow through. But it bothers me to not give him what he wants.
I dont know if this problem is due to the fact we have recently had alot of changes in our life. A year ago I lost my job due to a plant closing then 3 months after that we had a new daughter. He seemed to ajust to that fine not really any problems their. He started kindigarden in Sept.
About the first part of Aug. my husband started working longer hours to make ends meet. And I started college night classes. And I didnt know if all of these changes could be affecting my childs behavior. I guess I dont know what to do because all of the changes that have been made are necessary. And I have explained this to him. Kelcy

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momof3mjt · 10-13-2003, 09:28 PM

Hi Kelcy!
Why does it bother you to not give him something he wants? The best thing you can do for him is follow through and have consistent consequences.

I work with a behavior specialist, and he is very insistent on follow through. That will be the key to doing what you need to do. Be careful what you tell him you are going to do....like make him sit in the front yard for an hour. Cause are you really going to do that? So make his consequences something YOU can live with!

Try to work on positive reinforcement and redirection.
Catch him being good and reward him for it. You may have to start with INSTANT GRATIFICATION. Meaning you reward him INSTANTLY for good behavior. Then as he gets going...start rewarding him for a good morning, then a good day, then a good week. So on and so on.

You will still have to do the discipline, but try to redirect him BEFORE he gets into trouble. Whatever he is doing...try to take his mind off of it by giving him something else to do, BEFORE he gets out of hand.

Hope this helps! Let me know how it goes!

Lindy

chrislove · 10-14-2003, 01:20 AM

Hi Kelcy, We are havig a similar prob with my wife's two dd's from her 1st marriage who live with us. We do the reward system and if they've been good, we take them to the dollar store for some goodies. You have to set boundaries and have a family contract with rules and consequences that everyone has helped to write. Catching him being good and telling him so will help too. He has lost his "place"in the famly by not being the baby anymore and having to not only share Mommy but also to have to go to school everyday. Children thrive on limits and will ultimately thank you for it someday. He remembers everything he does right now and if you don't follow through...he will think you are a pushover and are just trying to shut him up and the demands or tantrums he has are only going to multiply cause he is craving your attention. Try to get him involved in some fun activity, make time to be with just him (you and your hubby should have individual time with him each day), read booksd together about having a baby sister, let him learn the appropriate way to share these feelings and validate them by repeating what he shares with you and maybe also tell him how you might feel if you were in his shoes. The consequence has to fit the crime and you must follow through or he will end up thinking he has to freak out to get your attention and you don't follow through so you mustn't care. You can always talk to your child's doc, teacher or social worker at school for help as well as your clergymen too. Good luck and take care

chris

BigMomma24 · 10-14-2003, 07:56 AM

you should read my post about my daughter! sweetie, you are not alone. i understand how hard it can be raising a child who seems to "just not get it" when it comes to discipline. It's hard for me to follow through because I work a lot, too. And I can imagine on your end with a new baby, going to school, etc. You must feel like you're stretched pretty thin... I don't have much advice, as I am having trouble with my OWN child, but I wanted to let you know that my

is with you and I'm wishing you lots of luck.

Kelcy · 10-14-2003, 12:32 PM

Thank you for your advice. Some of it is easier said then done. When my child misbehaves I have the problem with follow through. He may get in toruble and I tell him he is grounded from toys for 1 day but the punishment may not last 10 minutes. An its sad to say but I think my son has already realized at the age of 6 that mom isnt going to follow through on what she says. My son will be being punished for breaking a toy and I tell him he isnt getting any more but the next day we go to the store and I let him get something. Am I just showing him its okay to act out. But I feel guility when I have to go to school or I have to study. We have talked to him about whats going on and he says he understands but i dont think he really does. We spend as much time together as a family as we can but sometimes its hard. And we do manage nightly to have dinner together as a family. Could his behavior problems be more of a attention getter.
Kelcy