Pre-teen daughters, how does a parent do it?? - Parenting Issues Message Board

Glitterygrl · 10-09-2003, 06:25 PM

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed these days...Well after my daughter going through school grades K-6 and having nothing but problems and bad reports from teachers. I may add she has ADHD. Recently she was put on Strattera and we were informed her grades are improving but not the best, her behavior has really improved tremendously, well so I thought....She was supposedly going to the library and then tonight I found out they were closed early and she wasn't home and didn't call....I came home after looking for her all over town and there she is sitting on front porch with a boy. Well heres where it all starts....I am starting to worry myself to DEATH that she is going to get in some kind of trouble. Though she says he is just a friend and may I add he is 16 years old and she is only 13. I am worried he will try to take advantage of her vunerability. How does a parent make it through these years??? I told her the facts of life and I worry that she doesn't listen to me, what would I do if she got into trouble?? I also told her that she is no longer to go anywhere during the week because school comes first. Do you think this is right?? I've had problems with her in the past not coming home on time on the weekends cause she said her friend told her to stay longer. That makes me believe she is easy to influence. How in the world does a parent deal with these issues??? I hear all sorts of horror stories about girls getting pregnant at a young age. I hate to think I have to tell her the facts of life and just sit back and be hopeful she won't do anything to mess her life up. Are there any Mothers out there having the same thoughts or worries?? What is the most important things for me to do to keep her out of trouble?? HELP!

coppertop · 10-09-2003, 07:10 PM

Hi, although I don't have daughters your age (or any daughters for that matter...) I do have two teenage sisters, one who got pregnant when she was 14! You can only imagine what that has done to my family. And of course it was an older boy, most young girls do get pregnant by older guys. I don't have many answers for you, but my advice is don't let her be hanging out with a 16 year old boy, whats a 16 doing hanging around a 13 year old anyways?? The only thing going on in that boy's head is sex!(24/7)

I do feel for you, I have been watching my own mom deal with these issues with my sisters.

Maybe you can sit down and come up with a "contract" of whats expected of her and what the consequences are if she doesn't do what is expected. She might feel better know she had some input. I remember when my husbands sister was a teenager and she started getting into some trouble, her dad wrote out a list of rules and it was on the wall in her room. He wrote it in such a nice and loving way, I thought that was a nice idea.

coppertop · 10-09-2003, 07:11 PM

I just want to add that my husband added that line about sex when I was away from the computer!

KimRick · 10-10-2003, 07:44 AM

I have an 8 year old daughter and I am SO scared at what is going to be coming to me in 5 years! I'm already starting to talk to her about sex. I know for sure that I don't want her to make the same mistakes that I did. Mentally, I'm trying to prepare myself for what's ahead of me in 5 years.

Want 2 B Well · 10-10-2003, 12:48 PM

As a former bad teen...and now with a pre teen of my own, (she will be 13 in April)...
I stay at home. If I did not there is no telling what she would be doing.

(Ha ha, the library...one of my best excuses as a kid. My dd can't go to the library, she would have to br driven.)

Our rule is HOMEWORK comes first. She works on it and then you check it. Also you go thru her stuff and if she is not bringing it home you go up and go thru her locker. If you are not confident with this next step would be to contact teachers reguarly too. (Haven't had to contact teacher yet but have come close)
The quarter is over Oct 24....I told her if she has a "C" on her report card, I will drive her to school and pick her up the ENTIRE 2nd quarter.

I have been doing this since Aug 25. I was spending 2hours a day, including weekends. I have NOT let up for a moment. I have messed up while fine tuning the method but I think I got it, now.

I felt like I was at WAR with her but now she has succumed to the fact mom is here to stay in her business.
Also we are thinking of trying something like Sylvan Learning to help her become self suffcient. We have realized she just cannot handle organization, her mind is just elsewhere...

I know what we are doing sounds harsh but this was all explained up front to her before school started. She knows the deal.