3 year old behaviour problems - Parenting Issues Message Board

kslittledevil · 10-17-2003, 08:01 PM

I have a 3 year old daughter and until recently ( the past month or 2) she had been well behaved. I have alwys been consistent with her given her positive reinforcement for everything that she done good and time out when she has needed it. I do believe in spanking opened handed on the rear end if the problem is severe enough ( i.e. running away from me, running across a parking lot, in the kitchen when I'm cooking or when time out didn't work ). I am strict and consistent. As of lately she has started ignoring everything I tell her to do and does what she wants to do. She has started screaming at me ( and I don't tolerate this to well ) if something doesn't go her way. After I finish punishing her, i always hold her and tell her that I still love her, but her behaviour is unacceptable.
About 2 months ago at the beginning of August I was watching a 4 year old who would hit, kick, throw her on the ground, etc., etc. He would also scream at his mom, tell her to shut his mom to shut up. When he did this around me, I would give him the same punishment that I gave her. At the end of September I told his mother that I could no longer watch him because of his behaviour.
What I am wondering is if my daughter is acting out because of his bad behaviour, because I am no longer watching him, or is she testing and trying to see what she can get away with. I also want to know is there a way of breaking this or is it a phase she's going through and will outgrow it.
Thanks for any help.
P.S. I am a stay at home mom

nolamama · 10-17-2003, 09:13 PM

I think staying consistant is the best thing you can do (although I wholeheartedly disagree with discipline by spanking). Maybe she's acting out because the boy is no longer at your house on a regular basis? She probably developed a friendship with him and was upset by him suddenly being out of her life.

Three is a difficult age and she will grow out of a lot of it if you stay clear with the rules and consequences...and really keep up the positive reinforcement. There are great books and sites out there about positive discipline; the Dr. Sears discipline book is wonderful. There is even a section on how to use spanking effectively, if you must spank.

kslittledevil · 10-17-2003, 10:16 PM

She did develop a friendship with him, but I couldn't take watching him hurting her time and time again. I only use spanking when all other means of discipline have run out or she has put herself into a dangerous situation ( i.e. running out in the parking lot when she knows to hold my hand. )My ankle is very messed up and I have to wear a brace. I am supposed to be having surgery soon to correct the problem and she knows I can't run after her.

gillian30 · 10-18-2003, 11:24 AM

I agree with nolamama. The site and book she mentioned by Dr. William Sears are wonderful, and they offer plenty of alternatives to physical punishment. Believe me, as a kid who was formerly smacked, even if it's once in a while it DOES alter a person's sense of self. I may have only been hit 10 times or so but I can recall every one of them. I do applaude you for only giving into that rarely, though.

As far as what you should do, I'd say take a look at that web site for ideas and just weather the storm. Three is a difficult age, and she may just be in a phase.

TikkiRo · 10-19-2003, 04:50 AM

see my new thread on 19/10/03 - might help, Ivan