ffsmith

Wow I feel for you so much because I was the same type of child.
My mother was a "reader" in kindergarten which was like a helper

I know a little separation anxiety because I have read a lot about it.
I will just tell you a few of the basic things that the "experts" say.

First many recommend going slow and doing things like being a helper.
The fear that you child feel is a natural emotion. I know it can be disturbing to see it in her eyes but it is nothing to get worked up about.
Yours goal needs to be to show the child that she is safe at school.
Do this by knowing the teacher and talking with the teacher in the presence of your daughter.
Introduce the teacher to your daughter and SHOW her that the teacher is safe.
It also helps if she knows some of the kids.
Try and get to know some of the other mothers and introduce your daughter to some of the other kids.

I read a story where one school “assigned” a friend to a child that would not stop crying and would not talk in classes. It took over 2 years before this girl would talk to anyone but her assigned friend who she only whispered to.

Experts also suggest taking time off work and staying at your daughter’s school if your must. Try and stay outside the door so that you are only there if she needs you. But if necessary set in the class.
They say you should not try and shame you kid into leaving you or to tell them to stop crying or yell at them. That could give the message that you do not want them around.
The idea is that in a week or so that they will be ok with you not being there.
But you should still have a routine
As far as being with them when they leave for school and picking them up.

Teaches should help with fun and distracting activities.
Have the kids run around and play or play with dolls
Something that will keep them distracted.
This should be the goal for the first few weeks.

Some other techniques are to let the child have a special stuffed animal or a blanket.
Sometimes even a dog or a cat are allowed for a short time.
I heard that playing friendly games of hide-and-seek around the home can help.

If things do not get better seek the help of a trained mental health professional
I do not want to scare you but I was the exact same way as your child and today I have no social life And I live a very depressed and pathetic life. So please get any help that you need.

Here are more tips I have copied:

Explain to your child ahead of time what is going to happen so they know what to expect. Be specific about what kinds of things the child will be doing at daycare or preschool. Include things like eating, drinking, resting and bathrooming in your explanation so your child will understand that these basic needs will be met.

Explain where you will be and what you will be doing while you are away. State it matter-of-factly, as something grownups have to do. Going to work or school is not a choice for you and going to daycare is not a choice for your child.

Take your child on several visits to the center or home before he starts going there regularly. This will give him the chance to gradually get to know his teachers, the other children and the routine.

Help your child learn to say the names of his teachers and the names of the other children in the preschool.

Avoid a morning rush. Choose outfits and pack lunch bags the night before. Make a simple picture schedule to help your child learn what must be done in the morning before you leave. For example, a drawing of some clothes, a bowl of cereal and a toothbrush will remind your child about getting dressed, eating breakfast and brushing his teeth. Let him check off each chore as he completes it.

Your child might feel more secure if he has something of yours to hold on to during the day, like a scarf or glove. A photograph of you tucked in his cubby or lunch box is comforting, too.

When you bring your child in to preschool, arrive early enough so that you won't have to dash off immediately. Include enough time to share any important information with the teachers. You may want to read a short book with your child or play with him for a couple of minutes before saying goodbye. Set a limit on how long you will stay. For example, you might tell your child that you will read one book or play with blocks for five minutes.

Let your child know when you will be coming back, using the preschool's schedule to mark off chunks of the day. For example, you might say, "I will be back after you wake up from nap and have your snack."

Don't linger too long as this only adds more anxiety to the situation. Encourage your child to go to the window and wave to you as you leave. Never sneak out without saying goodbye to your child.

If an emergency comes up and your pick-up plans change during the day, call your provider as soon as possible and ask him or her to explain the change to your child.

Overcoming separation anxiety takes time. Your child will learn through consistent experience that each goodbye is soon followed by your happy return.


[This message has been edited by ffsmith (edited 10-19-2003).]