CCmakes3

I have a 3-year-old who used to do the same thing. I know there is a big difference between 3 and 5, but here's what we did:

First, I put a gate at his door. It is just one of those spring-loaded ones that you pull up by the handle to remove. He is a very big child so he could definitely climb over it or knock it over if he chose to, but you'd be amazed how well just a simple physical barrier serves as a cue to stay put. I like the gate better than closing the door because I can leave the hall light on and he knows he can still call me if he REALLY needs me.

Secondly, I usually have my husband be the one to actually tuck him in, because he is way more attached to me and has more trouble seperating from me. I do most of the "pre-bedtime" routine, such as his bath, snack and reading a couple books, but then my husband takes over and I "disappear." He reads him one more book in his bedroom with the lights dimmed and then it's bedtime. Sometimes I do still have to tuck him in because my husband travels a lot for work, but it helped a lot in the beginning to have my husband do it to establish the routine. When I have to tuck him in, I tell him that I have to go clean up downstairs, take a bath, load the dishwasher or whatever and then I'll be back to check on him. He likes it because it gives him something to look forward and he knows he's going to see me again in a few minutes. Then I just go back in every five minutes until he is asleep. (These visits are brief. I just give him a quick kiss, stroke his cheek, tell him that I love him or that he is a good boy, and that I'll be back again in 5 more minutes).

Now, you may be wondering how I get him to lay there quietly waiting for me rather than screaming and crying. The answer are some CD's I got for him to listen to while he lays there. One of them has songs from some of the popular Disney movies, so he can think about his favorite movies and characters while he tries to fall asleep. The others are Disney CD's that come with read-along-books, but you don't really need to follow along with the book. We have Lilo and Stitch, Finding Nemo, and Monster's Inc. So I just let him pick if he wants music or one of his stories. (They also have The Little Mermaid. I found them at Wal-Mart and Target.) The stories are pretty long (20-25 minutes), so if he is at least a little bit tired, it usually lasts long enough for him to fall asleep. Occasionally he is still awake at the end of it, so I put a glow-in-the-dark sticker on the "play" button of the CD player so he could start it over by himself.

I don't know if these things will work for you or not. As far as the tummy ache complaints, maybe you could anticipate it ahead of time and put a little cup of 7-up or water by her bed "just in case." My son rarely wakes up to go potty in the night, but we put his old potty chair in his room "just in case," and told him he could just go in that without needing our help. I know your daughter is a little old for that, but I am a big proponent of "whatever works," even if it's not particularly "age-appropriate," especially if it is something you just use briefly to break a negative pattern. When I put the potty chair in my 3-year-old's room, my 9-year-old was actually jealous! He said, "Hey, no fair! I don't want to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom either!" (LOL!). So don't automatically assume your child will balk at something until you try it.

Believe me, I know what it's like to feel like nothing will ever work! My son is very "high-needs" and used to scream bloody-murder when we tried to put him to bed, but the predictability of this routine seems to be very calming to him. While I do not oppose spanking in certain situations, I do not feel that bedtime is a time to spank. You need to make bedtime a very calm and comfortable time so she has positive associations with going to bed. It's obvious that she prefers even negative attention to no attention at bedtime if she is willing to risk the punishment, so if you punish her, you are just reinforcing the behavior and getting her adrenaline going faster as she stews about how "mean" you are. I know it is hard, but you just have to react as blandly as possible and keep leading her back to bed, even if you have to do it 50 times. Eventually she will figure out that it's not very reinforcing to keep getting out of bed. What you need to do is positively reinforce staying IN bed, perhaps with a story on CD as I mentioned, or even a recording of you or your wife reading one of her favorite stories. Make it something she only gets to listen to at bedtime.

I'm sorry...this is probably too long to expect anyone to actually read it, but when I make suggestions I like to give thorough explanations!

[This message has been edited by CCmakes3 (edited 10-21-2003).]