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Old 09-15-2003, 10:49 PM   #1
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Post My 11 month old refuses to sleep

I am a desperate mom. My baby girl has realised that she can stand up in her crib and since has been refusing sleep. I cannot get her to go to bed for nothing! The first time she did this I let her cry for over an hour and a half...going in several times to lay her back down. She did not like this at all! She screamed even louder upon my leaving the room. I feel guilty, but I am not sure what to do cuz I do not want her to think that she can keep up an unhealthy habit of getting out of her naps or bedtime. I feel guilty,as I know I am not alone, about leaving my baby to cry, cry, cry! The hard part is that it is very trying at night. I can get her to sleep by rocking her in the rocker, but the minute I move or try to move her to her crib...Watch out! This is only the second night that she has discovered her new tricks so I am unsure of what to do here...any suggestions would be greatly appreciated in order for papa and myself to keep our sanity!

 
Old 09-17-2003, 10:38 AM   #2
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I would say that since she has only been doing this for 2 nights that eventually she will tire of it & sleep again. I know it's hard, but I wouldn't go in there all the time to try laying her back down. Since you know she is only going to continue to get up & cry it's not going to do much good. Plus, she is probably expecting you to just keep on coming in & out. Things like this usually pass anywhere from a few nights to a week I would say.

 
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Old 09-27-2003, 02:22 PM   #3
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I must disagree with the post above. There is always a reason a baby cries. It can be teething, gas or stomach discomfort, or the need for more physical connection at that moment, like a hug or rocking, which is very comforting at that age. If this a new thing, she must have a reaosn for it that is not obvious externally. It could even be an ear ache or something. Many parents think a baby is just being "manipulative" when they cry. That is simply putting adult logic into a baby's head. We know what manipulation is, but trust me, at 11 months old, they don't think that way. Don't be afraid to give your baby the comfort she needs in tough times, no matter what popular "methods" are "in" these days.
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Old 09-27-2003, 04:28 PM   #4
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Hello all again,
I must say that I have tried everything possible to get her to sleep. We even moved our fish tank into her room to help her to sleep. (the bubble machine is lulling). She still gives us a long exhausting night in getting her to bed each night. It takes me over an hour. She cries and cries and cries...She even has fallen to sleep standing up. That is scarey. I am afraid she may fall back and hit her head on the bars. She has gotten to the point where she wont even nap any more. I am hoping that this is just a trend for the moment and not forever. I cant see her not sleeping and giving us a little break at least.
sooo, needless to say not a thing has changed since our last posting...But I am getting more used to it.

 
Old 09-29-2003, 12:37 PM   #5
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Oh you poor thing...fell asleep standing up!! I know it's hard, is she walking yet? I remember when my 18 month old 1st learned to stand up and pull up and then walk, and she'd stand in the crib, and scream, and she was less interested in napping b/c there was so much else to do!! But, it is only a phase, this too shall pass. I know it doesn't feel like it. Does she have anything in her crib? I used the baby tad who plays lullabies, and she has a little blankie, eventually she has to lay down or she'll get bored and play with the doll. Are you still going in and checking on her? Maybe try not to check on her or make those visits longer in between. Did you try the bedtime ritual, bath, story, rock her and then put her in her crib, say good night and walk right out!! Try to wait as long as you can before checking again. (I went through this w/mine and it took a few nights but she goes right to sleep now) We actually had to go through it all over again when we got rid of the binky. I try to go down stairs and do laundry so I can't hear her because otherwise I"m crying at the door and I only last a few minutes, or I say if she's not sleeping in X # of mins then I"ll go in...maybe try putting her to sleep a little later. Just trying to think of some ideas that have worked for us...i hope you find some peace.
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Old 09-29-2003, 12:48 PM   #6
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Hailey has a couple stuffys which include the teddy that has the womb sound in it when turned on. She has that oldy but goody fisher price activity thing hung on her crib too. I have tried to take her for a walk around the block in hopes that that would do it, but she only slept about 20 minutes and was up for a while after that. I have tried having more patience in rocking her for longer periods of time...this has been working for the most part. She is still not taking any naps. She will on occasion fall asleep in the car rides. But that is few and far between. I think it is a phase too that hopefully ends REAL SOON! Thanks for the advice...

 
Old 09-29-2003, 01:32 PM   #7
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There's a great web site called [url="http://www.askdrsears.com"]www.askdrsears.com[/url] and it's full of great advice for this sort of thing. There are all kinds of techniques to use to lull your baby to sleep, and that site offers a lot of ideas. I wouldn't recommend the technique of going to a part of the house where you can't hear your baby cry when she needs you, that sounds like a no-no to me, she may have become stuck in or out of her crib and REALLY need help, and it's never good to not be able to hear.
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Old 09-30-2003, 06:12 AM   #8
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I didn't mean leave her crying and take a stroll around the neighborhood...I meant don't stand at the door listening to her cry or you'll never make it 1 minute. Believe me if they are fed, changed, and not sick, and your not forcing them to go to bed at 5:00 then they need to go to sleep. They will survive it and after a few nights of completely sticking to your guns they will go to sleep. I'm not saying it is so easy I cried at her door myself, but once I finally stuck to my guns for a few nights, it has been night night and right to bed EVERY night!!! Just my experience.

 
Old 09-30-2003, 11:17 AM   #9
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Kids do need to be fed and changed, that's true...they also need alot of physical contact at this age, like hugs and snuggling and rocking. They may even need more of that than we as adults understand. It's hard to go that extra mile, but I'll just never agree walking away from a baby who needs a little extra comfort at night is the right thing to do. Just my experience.
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Old 09-30-2003, 01:44 PM   #10
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i agree with gillian. i think one of the reasons that it is so hard for moms to let their babies "cry it out" is because it is going against their maternal instincts. in their hearts, they know it isn't the best choice to make, yet they are pressured into it by our society which values independence above all else - even in infants.

touch is such a huge part of a baby's life.

 
Old 09-30-2003, 02:32 PM   #11
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What I said was if it is time to go to sleep and the child is fed, changed, and not sick then it is ok to walk away if it is time to go to sleep. My daughter is cuddled, rocked, and loved all day. In fact strangers constant come up to me, commenting on how happy she is. She is not scarred from me walking away from her when it is time to go to sleep. This is the point I am making, I don't walk away and let her cry for an hour every night, b/c after just 2 or 3 nights letting her cry for only a few mins and she lays right down and goes to sleep basically every night.

I didn't feel pressured to do this, I feel that the best thing you can teach your child is independence and by running in there every second, you are teaching them they can make you come running and they are going to scream for you every night, and you'll never have a night of sleep. Once they can go to sleep on their own, they can go back to sleep on their own (which was referenced in your website).

Like I said, this has just been my experience, this worked great in our family, it wasn't easy to do, but it worked and that was what the original post was about. Believe it or not children are very versatile!!

 
Old 09-30-2003, 03:48 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gabbi:
What I said was if it is time to go to sleep and the child is fed, changed, and not sick then it is ok to walk away if it is time to go to sleep. My daughter is cuddled, rocked, and loved all day. In fact strangers constant come up to me, commenting on how happy she is. She is not scarred from me walking away from her when it is time to go to sleep. This is the point I am making, I don't walk away and let her cry for an hour every night, b/c after just 2 or 3 nights letting her cry for only a few mins and she lays right down and goes to sleep basically every night.

I didn't feel pressured to do this, I feel that the best thing you can teach your child is independence and by running in there every second, you are teaching them they can make you come running and they are going to scream for you every night, and you'll never have a night of sleep. Once they can go to sleep on their own, they can go back to sleep on their own (which was referenced in your website).

Like I said, this has just been my experience, this worked great in our family, it wasn't easy to do, but it worked and that was what the original post was about. Believe it or not children are very versatile!!

i am glad it worked for you.

i know people who've let their babies cry for 8 hours at a time because "it was time for them to go to sleep." (i don't think this is advocated by anyone and i think they took the cry it out method to a whole differnt extreme.)

and i know for a fact that the CIO method would have never worked for my child since he was very high-needs. he definitely needed help soothing himself for the first couple of years. (like you said, children are unique. my sister's children are easy babies, soothing themselves at an early age. but for every child that is laid back, there is a high needs child who is incapable of self-soothing.)

babies are not capable of manipulation. and by attending to my child's needs when he cried as an infant, i was teaching him trust. he could trust that i'd be there every time he needed me. now, obviously, there were times i couldn't get to him immediately (eg if i were in the bathroom and he needed to wait a minute or two).

my son is actually incredibly independent (despite not allowing him to cry himself to sleep). always has been. he wasn't very good at soothing himself the first couple of years, but he was still very independent. and he is definitely a happy child.

i don't think anyone suggested that you had scarred your child by letting her cry; just pointing out other options that might work.

 
Old 09-30-2003, 05:42 PM   #13
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Ok last night was a nightmare and a half! Hailey went to bed early but woke up an hour later. I rocked her and got her to sleep but the instant I lay her in her crib...it starts all over again. The way my boyfriend and I have figured out to finally be able to leave the room (please dont laugh) is to let her know that we are in the room by pretending to go to sleep on the floor right next to her crib...this way she can peek out from under the bumper gaurd to check and see if we were still in the room. This works for us, but I wont lie...it is a pain in our dairiars! I do let her cry it out a lot of times but only for a little over an hour. I cant imagine being so inhumane to let a baby, any baby, cry it out for 8 hours at a time. That is just crazzzy! I admit to letting her cry it out. Otherwise I would be pulling my hair out myself. After a day of dealing with a crabby baby due to her refusing to take any naps it is VERY hard to stay in her room forever in order to get her to bed. So crying it out is an option that, if not going to extremes and becoming a neglectful parent, is ok in my book! You do what you have to do for the both of you! Baby and parents need to keep their sanity and I would rather hear her cry than be in fear that I would lose my mind! I do appreciate all the comments...I have tried a lot of different things, but I have yet to find that magic key to make her fall asleep at the drop of a hat. But all you can do is live and learn, right?

 
Old 09-30-2003, 06:04 PM   #14
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Well said!! The best advice I ever got was "hey whatever works!!" and that is what I try to live by.

I posted on this board, b/c I saw something I could relate to. When it was posted, about standing up and crying, I could remember how much harder it was then, because it was a whole new world. I gave some suggestions as to what worked for us. Nobody should be condemned for letting their child CIO, your right what good are you to your child if your ready to pull your hair out. I barely lasted 15 mins....I certainly can't imagine 8 hours though!!!

But, to be honest, I did feel like I was being condemned by some of the other poster. I would quote if I knew how, but by saying children need love and hugs, and it's hard to go the extra mile by not letting them cry it out. You may have a strong opinion about not letting YOUR child cry it out, but that doesn't mean that everyone else who does it is wrong, uncaring mother, or pressured into it and that's why we do it.
I posted on here to exchange ideas, not to prove points!!

Every child is different, and so is every parent. So whatever works best for your family. I really hope this not sleeping passes soon for you and your family. Just remember almost everything is a phase!!
Good luck!!

 
Old 09-30-2003, 09:14 PM   #15
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Hi Gabby, Thanks for the posts! I have to say I agree with you totally, but I also understand that everyone has a right to thier own opinion. As for "Quoting" what others have said= copy and paste into your post what you want to quote from what ever was said before. Do you by chance want to become pen pals? I know that may sound stupid, but I have been looking for someone to write about my kiddo issues. So far I have not found any reliable sources. Let me know...

[This message has been edited by Oursweet66 (edited 10-01-2003).]

 
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