I need some major advice - Parenting Issues Message Board

Sprightly123 · 10-23-2003, 10:24 AM

I am going insane. I have a seven year old step son who lives with us full time and has no contact with his natural mother. I have been in his life for three years now. He began having school problems when he was in sk. He would not follow the rules and he couldn't keep his hands to himself. We got all the typical tests done, hearing, eyes etc. Everything was normal. This started to get bad at home with his behaviour around that time. At times I was afraid to leave him alone with my 1 year old.
Grade one was hell. For the first semester we didn't know what was going on, but he never brought his homework home, he wouldn't do his work at school, and he would wonder around the classroom. We started getting regular disipline reports home about him peeing on the school, showing his privates to his friends, pushing, hitting, grabbing you name it he did it.
We kept in close contact with the school for the second semester, but it never got any better. We finally got a behaviour specialist in to test him. He was found to be borderline ADHD, and he had some other problems with fine motor skills.
His father and my mother in law would not allow me to take him to the doctor to get him offcially tested. They did not want him on medication.
Grade two rolls around. We put him into a new school closer to our neighbourhood. He was there for three days before the behaviours started again. Right from where they left off. I have my mother in law telling me that it is the school fault and they worry to much of the little things, and my husband is listening to this and getting even more angry with the situation.
We now have him in counselling, he is being assessed by some other professionals, and my life is falling apart.
Me and my husband fight so much about him. I try and be there for him but he always pushes me away, I understand that he has been hurt by his real mother, but if I can't get close to him how can be what he needs.
I am so stressed out by all this. When I fell in love with his father three years ago ( I was 20) I didn't realize it would come with all this extra baggage.
What do I do?

KimRick · 10-23-2003, 12:58 PM

Have you and your husband spoken to a school counselour (sp?) regarding your step-son's behaviour? If not, speak to one and see what he/she recommends doing as far as who to take the child to for whats to be done. Maybe if your husband hears about the child's behaviour and what to do about it from a professional, he might change his tune and realize that it's somewhat more serious. It's better to treat him now, because the longer you wait to treat him, the harder it's going to be. GOOD LUCK!

Sprightly123 · 10-23-2003, 01:14 PM

We have gotten many people involved who have given us many suggestions and ideas. Nothing works with this kid...positive reinforcements..doesn't care.
A time out after school..doesn't care
a spanking...will cry a little but then doesn't care
we have tried rewards out the ying yang
I am out of ideas. I never knew this is what I would be doing with my life at 23 years old.

jessi0198 · 10-23-2003, 02:21 PM

Sprightly123,
I can definately relate to you!!! I am also 23 and a new stepmom to a three year old. I often ask myself, "why did I get myself into this?" I also didn't think my life would turn out this way at 23. Just keep reminding yourself that you love your husband, and you all will go through many rough times. Maybe the child is having a hard time adjusting to you. I don't really have any suggestions on what to do. I just want to tell you good luck, and hang in there!
Jessica

Want 2 B Well · 10-23-2003, 02:45 PM

You, your husband & MIL must start a coalition. He is not going to pull this together unless the grown adults do.
Everyone must come to the realization that he is in trouble and work together to help him.
You folks need to ask yourself is everyone trying to be "right" or do what is best for him???
If he has not improved you guys are not helping him in a way that works for him. But you know that and that is why you came here. I hope that you can convince them you all need to work together for his benefit. Give him a {HUG} from me.