HELP!! Joint custody causing problems - Parenting Issues Message Board

jessi0198 · 10-22-2003, 04:18 PM

My husband has a three year old son from a previous marriage. He and his ex have joint custody. The schedule goes as follows:
US: MON, TUES
HER: WED, THURS, FRI
US: SAT, SUN
Then it switches, (her: mon, tues, etc.) The major problem, (among hundreds of little problems) is that he won't eat for us. The only things he will ever eat is PB & J, cereal, or chicken. Everyone we've talked to, including the doctor, says to give him new food at dinner. If he doesn't eat it, take it away and don't give him anything else until it is time to eat again. It's hard to follow this routine with joint custody. When he refuses to eat, we'll take take it away and won't give him anything else, but he will go to his mom's the next day so we cannot inforce this. His mom claims that he eats fine for her and will name off tons of things that he'll eat. We try to feed him these things and he won't even try them. He starts screaming his head off as soon as you set it in front of him. I have a hard time believing that he eats a variety of foods for his mom. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get a three year old to start eating????? Thanks!
Jessica

nvu_nvr · 10-22-2003, 04:32 PM

My kids eat like pigs when they are home, but when they go to grandma's or another family members house, they will not touch anything. They can try to feed them the exact same foods we feed them but nope, they won't touch it. So that part to me is totally believeable.

My main concern is the pediatrician advising to take the food away and refuse to give him anything else. That has to be one of the worst things I've heard a doctor say, much less a pediatrician! A child is just that, a child. Not a little grown-up. Let the boy eat what he wants to and if he wants to eat the same thing every day for 2 months, that's fine. How would you feel if people were trying to feed you food you didn't like and you had no choice in the matter, eat it or starve? Some kids are just picky eaters in general, especially ones that young. Give him some time and maybe he'll come around. But I'd make sure I got rid of the quack who suggests you starve him asap.

kslittledevil · 10-22-2003, 06:58 PM

I have a 3 year old and she has her moments of what she likes. There are times when she doesn't want to eat period. What I do is offer her a variety of foods ( i.e. cereal for breakfast with a cup of juice, pbj for lunch with carrot sticks and occassionally potato chips, chicken, pork, beef for supper with pasta , rice, or potatoes, and a vegetable ). She doesn't care for vegetables at the moment so I have found that she likes raw squash, carrots, and celery with ranch dressing or cottage cheese. I do give her an afternoon snack ( Adrie loves the fruit snacks and they come in all different characters, she also loves the cheese crackers and now there are Scooby Doo ones and she loves Scooby Doo ). Children are funny creatures and eat what they want and how much they want. Children won't starve themselves.
How is your husband and his ex getting along? The reason I ask is if this was a difficult divorce with a lot of fighting, especially over the child then this could also be the reason for some of the problems. It is important for both parents to be in the child's life like they are now, but to be friendly in terms ( not friends per say ) but able to discuss problems with this child and agree with discipline and these discussions should include you.
I wish you luck.

Want 2 B Well · 10-23-2003, 09:00 AM

If you have many problems I would put this on the back burner and feed him what he likes, unless of course their is a medical issue.

edited to add..
This is the only area of his life where he has control. Don't take it personal.

[This message has been edited by Want 2 B Well (edited 10-23-2003).]

TeTr01 · 10-23-2003, 10:17 AM

I know how you are feeling, but try not to worry too much. My daughter is 2 & she isn't the best eater either. She doesn't eat consistantly & usually doesn't eat much at all. Thankfully tho, when she does eat she loves to eat veggies & mostly good things like that - she LOVES tomatoes!!! She is my 1st child & I am only 21 so I am learning. I was a bit concerned, even tho my mom said it was quite normal for children to do that. She had her 2 year check up with the Dr. yesterday, my mom took her b/c I had to work but I made sure she explained the way she eats to the Dr. & to find out if it's ok. My mom said the Dr. told her it's perfectly normal & she will eat when she is hungry. The Dr. did say that she should be eating at least 1 good meal (veggies, potato, meat, pasta, etc.) every other day, which she usually will do. She said to try not giving her any sweets like lollypops, popcicles or junk food till she is eating 1 good meal every day. We will see how that goes! Of course I am not expecting her to eat a ton of food in 1 sitting b/c I am sure her stomach is small & it doesn't take much to fill her!

When it's time to eat at your house when he's there, sit him down with a little bit of each thing of whatever you are having. He will eat if he is hungry, even if it's just picking. Do encourage him to try at least a little bit, but if he doesn't want any or much of it don't get upset or try to force him to eat it. If he doesn't eat much or anything at all by the time dinner is over, just tell him to let you guys know if he gets hungry later on. If he says he is hungry after the meal or whenever, try asking him what he wants & bring him to the cabinet or fridge to let him pick it out. I think as children get older, they like being able to do things more on their own!

If you & your husband are really concerned you should take him to his Dr. to make sure that everything is fine, but they will probably tell you similar to what my daughter's did.

I am not with her father, she visits with him & his GF every other weekend. I don't let myself worry about what they do over there or ask them how she eats b/c there isn't anything I can do about it if they don't try the same things as me. His GF occassionally will ask me things about her (about eating or drinking habbits, about how her potty training is going, what she likes to do... etc.) & I will deffinitely let her know. But when she goes over there, I don't expect it to be the same or for them to follow the same routine. They do what works for them, while me & my BF do what works for us when she's with us. For example: I can tell them that she needs to be wearing underwear as often as possible so she gets used to the idea of them & the fact that she will get wet if she goes in them instead of the potty till I'm blue in the face, but if they bring her back in a diaper (for whatever reason) what can I do?? Nothing, & I am not about to fight about these things all the time with him & that's probably what would end up happening & I don't want that b/c #1 it makes things more difficult & unpleasant for everyone involved & #2 it's not fair to my daughter! This is about HER not US. So, we just do our thing & let them do theirs.

Oh, the only other thing that we have to make sure with my daughter is that she doesn't drink TOO MUCH during the day, but just enough. She was a good eater when she was little, but when we went from bottle to sippy cup we also took away the binki & she started wanting to drink all the time so she was full of liquid all the time! Now we have to make sure that she only has 2 cups a milk day, that she isn't constantly drinking & we don't give her anything to drink after 8 (she goes to bed at 9) b/c if she drinks after that she fills her diaper or pullup so much over the night. She normally sleeps thru the night, but when she was drinking too much she would wake up to be changed in the middle of the night - but now she hardly ever wakes up!

Good luck & hope this helps some

!

[This message has been edited by TeTr01 (edited 10-23-2003).]