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Old 10-19-2003, 05:17 PM   #1
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Post Behavior problems 6 year old girl

I have a six and nine year old both girls. My youngest has been bring home red tickets (which is bad) against her from school. Where she does not listen. Shes very disobeidant (however thats spelled). The bus driver talked to me the other day about her being suspended off the bus. Course i asked what about. This girl is 6 years old and lip locking boys. He said shes done it to about 5 boys. Which he failed to tell me before but only gave me one warning to talk to her. That was it. Now shes been coming home talking about sex. Making statements shes going to have sex with this little boy on the bus. I do think my oldest daughter has pushed her on to do this. Even though the bus driver says shes good on the bus (the oldest). I watched my oldest repeatively push the youngest to kiss her half brother. I am very worried about this. Anyone have any ideas?

Ive talked to her about acting like a little lady on the bus, and how we dont kiss boys.. Now her and her sister I had to separate them from rooms because they like getting naked and looking at each other all the time now. So I stopped that, but I cant seem to get it through her head about boys.. Why is kids learning so quickly at such a early age??

I also, caught her talking to her sister about the boys private parts too. Anyone else have this problem?

She's going to be taking to a phycologist soon because of her behavior problems (jumping ontop the teachers desk, throwing papers off of it, screaming for no reason, crying loudly and getting everyones attention, punching, and biting. She also has dug crayons into the carpet and hates to do anything the teacher tells her to do, digging huge holes in the walls using it for play imagination soup.. yeah I didnt know what to think of that one!! good thing I caught her before she tried to eat it). I try to be very patient with her and always make her feel she can tell me anything. It just breaks my heart shes learning such things so soon.

 
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Old 10-19-2003, 06:21 PM   #2
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I have a problem with my 3 year old being too smart for her own good. When she starts school ( I'm hoping to get her into a magnet school or a private ) I'm going to have to ask the teachers to push her and give her extra work to occupy her time.
I don't know if this is the answer for her as far as the classroom goes. She has probably picked up things from your oldest daughter and has learned things that she shouldn't know now. As far as the bus is concerned you might try talking to the driverand ask for your second daughter to be placed right behind her or near her or the bus monitor ( if this driver has one ) and let her know the consequences for bad behavior. However, on the same token reward her for good behavior ( i.e. no red slips that day earns some type of reward, or a sticker on a chart and a certain amount of stickers ( 10 stickers earns a dollar, extra playtime, a small toy, or a little bit of candy ). This is probably going to be trial and error. Another thing you can do is enlist the oldest daughter's help. Let her know that you don't approve of the youngest daughter's behavior and if the oldest is caught encouraging her sister, their will be consequences for that.
You might also want to talk with the principal of the school and let him/ her know that you were upset about the fact that you were not made aware of the second daughter's behavior on the bus until it was almost too late.
I hope this helps.

 
Old 10-19-2003, 06:32 PM   #3
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It sounds like you really need professional help to figure out this child. I suspect that things have not been right with this child and you hoped that school would straighten her out. She could have ADHD for example. Don't go into denial now. She needs you to help her and the only way that you are going to do this real well would be to find out how her brain really works. It's tough accepting that your child is different but that is the beginning of hope generally.

Certainly try the advice that others give you here while you are waiting for professional help. I would consider taking her right off the bus if the bus driver can't control her. On our bus the youngest kids have to sit up front. Your child could be picking up things from older kids.

 
Old 10-19-2003, 07:06 PM   #4
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This is more than just a behavior problem. Something has happened to her that was unpleasant. She is trying to get your attention by being outrageous.
Her acting out is a cry for help.

I don't want to jump to conclusions but I would not be suprised to find out she was/is being molested. The behavior is just so "out there" for a 6yo girl.

I hope this is not true & you get her some help quick.
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Old 10-19-2003, 07:18 PM   #5
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originally posted by want 2 b well:

"This is more than just a behavior problem. Something has happened to her that was unpleasant. She is trying to get your attention by being outrageous.
Her acting out is a cry for help.
I don't want to jump to conclusions but I would not be suprised to find out she was/is being molested. The behavior is just so "out there" for a 6yo girl.

I hope this is not true & you get her some help quick."

The first thought that crossed my mind was the same as want 2 b well. I encourage you to seek professional help for your daughter. Good luck, and please keep us posted.

 
Old 10-19-2003, 08:07 PM   #6
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I just had them both checked for that.. like scratches down there, etc. It had crossed my mind too and my mom. Shes the one that insisted it. I know for a fact she isnt getting it from home. We monitor everything they do, what they watch on tv. I think Im going to talk to my oldest about that tommorrow. If anyones been touching her that shouldnt be. Then try a different approach on the youngest one. Im just not sure about if any boys have might have touched her on the bus or what knot. They dont stay the night no place but there mammals house. I dont like the idea of another childs parents watching my kids.. No offence to anyone. =) Just dont know who you can/cant trust no adays.

 
Old 10-19-2003, 08:40 PM   #7
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For the other two top questions, the bus driver separates the bus left side is boys and right side is girls. He however does not inforce this on the way back home. Im going to talk to him tommorrow morning about separating them. I have used a few things to make them want listen like treats (popcycles) (pop i dont give them alot of pop because of the sugar content). However, I have not tried the extra play-time like before bedtime. I am gonnna try that. My oldest was diagnosed with ADD, but i switched doctors because of his ways. The new doctor wants her to be evaluated for ADHD and partical bipolar. However, the doctor thinks the youngest has ADHD.. that is what the pyscologist is about.. I just dont see it, but maybe that is were her and her sister is a bit different. One is super hyper non stop and the other is just having behavior problems. Just a bit different. That is why I dont think she has it, but she could very well. Every kid is different. I just cant grasp the boy crazy part. Shes just to young. I wasnt insulted by that statement about the ADD part at all. If she has it I will work with them as I do with my oldest. I'm just trying to make sense as to what has triggered this interests.
I just cant understand would adhd have a role in this if it is so?



 
Old 10-20-2003, 03:52 PM   #8
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Hi

I am a teacher and have taught students with special needs. I worked with children diagnosed E.D. or B.D. (emotional or behavior disorder) most of the kids i worked with had been abused, physically, sexually or both. Some typical behaviors (elementary school age) were tantrums, aggression, sexual acting out and knowledge, crying, hurting themselves and running away. Many of them also had ADD, and other disabilities.

I am not saying for sure your children were molested. Sometimes it happens by a person you least expect or even trust. It also could happen by older children or teens. The warning flags are the sexual behavior. Even kids who have disabilities and mental disorders do not normally act out sexually.

I am glad you are getting counseling. Bring up your concerns in private to the counseler. It is touchy since you could be put in the spotlight as the "perpertrator" YOu should start documenting your kids behaviors in a journal to share with the counselor or others trying to help you.

Many children who get molested will not talk about it. Many dissociate from the experience and almost "forget it" on some level, yet it manifests in other ways. Or they were told bad things would happen if they told.

Good luck, I hope you find the roots of your daughters problems. I agree with what others said about rewards and consequences, and also staying involved with your school , letting them know you are aware of their problems and need help solving them.

keep us posted!


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Old 10-20-2003, 06:42 PM   #9
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Well, I was raped when I was 16 and needless to say they are in prison. I was also molested by my brother for 4 years. So, I think i can relate. However, I know how I acted in school. I know every kid is different but I withdrawled. I guess it depends on the age. Your right though, Im gonna keep a log for the just incase.. I also called the doctor today about it.. and asked to speak to her. She called back and we discussed the issues which she new 99% of it.. except the things thats happened since her last appointment.

Anyways, for her safety I wanted her to go tommorrow to speak with a local psycologist. Which is all set up instead of out of town one. Then we get to go to her school and speak with her teachers and the councilor there.. However her doctor just feels shes seeking attention basically bottom line. However, were still going to go through the steps and Ill let you know how it goes.

 
Old 10-20-2003, 09:46 PM   #10
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Dawn I know how it feels to be molested. I was at 7 by a family friend in Germany ( daddy was military ) and I couldn't tell. This happened until age 11 when we moved. It started up again at 14-16 by an uncle. Again I didn't say anything out of fear of my parents. The uncle killed himself before I had a chance to say anything. I was 24 before I could tell my dad ( he was mad at both adults and hurt that I didn't tell him then ) my mothers reaction was she couldn't dig up a dead man nor find the other. I was very withdrawn and depressed and made bad choices one after another.I finally had to get therapy for this along with other things and did 4 years of therapy before I was released and not medicated. As my daughter gets older, I'm going to make sure that she knows that she can come and tell me ( the adult who lives will wind up in prison of course if I don't get a hold of him first ). I hope this hasn't happened to your daughter.

 
Old 10-21-2003, 05:16 PM   #11
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kslittle*****- wow, its amazing to know how things end up. I mean you know god will penatalize those that rape others. My parents were/are wonderful. They made me feel I could tell them anything. I didnt tell my mom and dad about my brother until my first child was born. My mother took it pretty hard she blamed herself and I was there to convience her elsewise. My father was ticked and flaming mad. But, the best thing my parents did was to make me feel I could tell them anything in the world. I encourage the best friend role a parent should do this.

My husbands son that comes here.. he comes twice a month and I take shifts with my husband. Night watch and he takes day watch. The only reason is because he is a bit mean to them. We only get him on the weekend every other week. That and I dont ever want my girls to not be watched after. I dont want anything to happen to them like it did me. My step son hes 10 years old. He tends to bite and throw the girls alot. The mother put him on medications to help him which hes alot more better with it *i am not saying medicine is the key she doesnt care to work with him, literally* and shes got it to the point where shes convenced him to hate my oldest daughter (she told us)but we had to make a statement when he threw my oldest off the porch head first into a bucket. He said he was using her for a basketball. She came out with a red ring around her neck.He got a big time out for that and a good talk from both of us. We spent 1/2 that night at the ER we made him go to watch so he might feel bad for what he did and it worked. Last weekend he bite her on the side to the point it was instant bruised and bleeding (hes as good as gold on his medcine though). Found it odd though they put him on anti-depressants at 10?? Hes just alittle violent and I worry. Cant help it. My husband doesnt take it offensive and talks with him all the time about his behavior. Hes a great dad and very interested in there life. My oldest has a different dad, she started getting mood swings real bad over it. Screaming and crying saying her father didnt love her. Shes never seen him and shes 9. As a christmas present my husband is adopting her. She feels she dont fit in because of her last name being different. She was so happy she was cring. She asked every day if the court date is getting close lol. I just wish I wouldve done it sooner. i didnt realize the effect it would have on her.

Anyways, sorry I got off the topic there got to thinking about our daily shifts on the weekends.

I confronted my brother about it. He got mad. I chose really the wrong time to tell him because it was infront of his wife (at the time). I remember he made me very upset and it just came out. I hope you do put them in jail, they all deserve it. The penality in prison is so shameful now. They deserve to get more time. I did get therapy for 7 years, but at the lovely age of 17 I tried to take my life and was hospitalized. The day I went back to school, they told me they didnt want me there. They said I was a discrise (the kids) and they didnt need the public attention (the princable said that one). My family (not my parents) said i was dirty and I was a **ore. Just turning 16 and with all the problems I already had with the rape, it was so hard not to try to take my life. I felt everyone hated me. Now I just know they was the one with issues not me. They was all afraid.

The pcycolgist talked to us today about my youngest daughter. He said hes going to keep talking to her once a week to get a good idea. He said she definately has adhd, but so far no signs show abuse. He said over a time he will know for sure. Shes getting counciled by the school cousilor every day for 30 minutes. We also talked with the teachers there gonna keep talking with the councilor and letting us come in on some of the sessions at school.

Sorry it was so long.

 
Old 10-21-2003, 08:40 PM   #12
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Just wanted to let you all know I found out whats going on. My husband recieved a phone call this evening that i wasnt informed about until just a few minutes ago. One of the teachers (one of his relatives was sub teacher there for the whole last week) told him what she is doing is normal. She said she caught 2 of them playin you know what together in the seats!! This school is a new one (both my girls), and she just started this year with this boy stuff. So, Im assuming they are allowing these kids to do this because she thinks its normal!!! Crazy!! No wonder there starting so early. I am going to demand to talk with the principle about this issue. I think they are lacking supervision personally. Just wanted to let you all know..

 
Old 10-23-2003, 04:50 AM   #13
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What are they doing in the seats?
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Old 10-23-2003, 08:46 PM   #14
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want2bwell- the teacher said she sent 2 of the kids to the principle for playing with each other (male and female) in the seats. We had parent teacher confrences today, and I thought about bringing the acts to a local news paper to see if it cant be stopped. Evidentally they are not going to make these kids stop. She said that the kids kissing is just a way to aggervate the boys in the class rooms. So this isnt just my daughter its the whole kindergarden classes. Not sure what to do.. Any advice?

Me and my husband are very disturbed. We bought this house intending to stay here. However, Im really close into jerking the youngest out of the school and put her elsewhere. Since this is only happening in this grade level. My oldest second grade teacher said nothing like that was going on in/or around the play grounds nor in classes. Maybe firing some kindergarden teachers would be more appropriate?

 
Old 10-24-2003, 04:14 AM   #15
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Dawn, I'm assuming that the kids are playing some sort of "sex play" on the bus. It is really inappropriate, not normal for KG students. I would raise hell. In our district you can contact the bus garage directly and your school. I would also seriously check into the private schools in your area. My Nephrew was sent to a private Christian school because of similar issues. Because my sister is very poor, they got tuition assistance. The school was a little too religious for my sister's taste but for her it was worth the trade off.

We had some real bad role-models on my daughter's bus last year and it was a 50 minute drive. We decided to pick her up from school rather that go the private school root. The ride home was when the kids were so wild. The morning ride in was a little calmer and we didn't want to totally shelter her so whe would take the bus in the AM. For us, our child is safe so long as she is inside the school walls, the bus is the only weak link. My daughter is probably mild "ADHD" and has the impulsiveness that goes along with it. She would see things on the bus and then impulsively try them out on her younger sister. I thought over the time she was spending on the bus and realized that for a huge percentage of her day being exposed to bad role models. She didn't even have time to play with nice kids after school. Not everyone can arrange their schedules so that their kids don't have to ride the bus and not everyone can do the private school option. If you can't, then you have to fight. I would start contacting other parents of other kids on the bus and find out which ones care about what is going on. Try to get some action going. They did put a camera on our bus last year and that really helped. Assigned seats can really help. Your daughter is very impressionable so you need to protect her from these influences or she will end up being the kid that parents don't want their child associating with.

Dawn, I have to say that you are really proactive and care about your kids. If you keep up this attitude you will find some success with these parenting issues.

 
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