Discipline without spanking - Parenting Issues Message Board

TerryB · 10-23-2003, 05:17 PM

Hi Guys, I thought I'd "change the subject" after we all wore ourselves out on the "Smacking" thread. We all use other means of discipline/consequences and we could probably learn something from one another.

I can't recall where I read it but a parent complained that her child wouldn't stay in time out. We had that problem when my daughter was 2 so I would sit her on my lap facing away from me and restrain her through the time-out. She liked this less than sitting alone so she eventually learned to stay in time-out. Now that my kids are older I will add an additional minute everytime they get up from time-out early. This rarely happens because even my four year old will obey after having a minute tacked on once.
If we ended up with the child refusing to stay in time-out I would still treat the child like a toddler and hold her on my lap.

Very important, when I put a child in time out I tell them to think about what she did. When time out is over she must tell me why she was in time out, make appologies and fix the wrong if needed. If the child forgot what the time out was for, I remind her of the crime and she is sent back for an additional minute of time out. Then she will try to discuss the offense with me again.

Does anyone else have any effective methods of discipline that they would like to share.

[This message has been edited by TerryB (edited 10-23-2003).]

Want 2 B Well · 10-23-2003, 07:12 PM

I keep talking about my HUG THERAPY. When your girls (esp) get older they start with the hormones, around 9-10yos.
Instead of punishing... sometimes when they start to whine, complain about you saying NO, yell, scream at you, etc...

I run over and HUG. Now I had to chase my daughter down to do it. Oh did she HATE it at first. Instead of taking the bait and yelling back or getting mad at her I would give her love, forcefully at first.
It has been 2yrs and it has change her back into a happy child.

You see I came up with it because we were fighting so much that I noticed she was becoming very unhappy. We were in a cycle we couldn't get out of.
So I did something radical.

I don't do it everytime but I do it when I know she needs it.

CCmakes3 · 10-24-2003, 06:24 AM

I've used one of those toddler gates that you can just pop in and out of a doorway to keep my 3-year-old in time out, although if he is really mad he just throws his body against it and it falls out! He kind of gets scared when he thinks he has "broken" it, though, so he will generally still stay put!

Also, some will say this is not good, but sometimes I will just pick up the phone and say, "Do you want me to call your father?" I think they fear his disapproval more because it takes him longer to "warm-up" to them again after they have misbehaved. It's probably best to make sure that your husband doesn't mind being "the heavy" before you try this one! I am not afraid to go on and administer discipline if this doesn't work, but sometimes just the threat will stop them in their tracks.

TeTr01 · 10-24-2003, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Want 2 B Well:
I keep talking about my HUG THERAPY. When your girls (esp) get older they start with the hormones, around 9-10yos.
Instead of punishing... sometimes when they start to whine, complain about you saying NO, yell, scream at you, etc...

I run over and HUG. Now I had to chase my daughter down to do it. Oh did she HATE it at first. Instead of taking the bait and yelling back or getting mad at her I would give her love, forcefully at first.
It has been 2yrs and it has change her back into a happy child.

You see I came up with it because we were fighting so much that I noticed she was becoming very unhappy. We were in a cycle we couldn't get out of.
So I did something radical.

I don't do it everytime but I do it when I know she needs it.

I read about the "hug therapy" in a book of my mom's one time. I think it might have been Soup For The Mother's Soul or whatever it's called. I thought it was a pretty cool idea! Good to hear that it's worked for you & your daughter

! I will have to remember that as my daughter gets older - she is only 2 now.

Want 2 B Well · 10-24-2003, 02:49 PM

Really? I'll have to go and look at what it says. I developed my own out of need.
I knew I couldn't be the only person thinking about something like this.