The key is follow through. My husband chooses not to spank, I spanked them as my LAST resort. It worked with each of us doing it our own way. They learn VERY quickly when they have reached the end with either parent. BUT...you HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH with which ever way you choose to discipline.
You said he kicks his door until you let him out....well don't let him out. Open the door and firmly tell him he ISNT coming out until he calms down and quits kicking. At first, if he quits kicking for 1 minute, let him out. Tell him you are glad he quit kicking and now he can come out. Get the kicking under control first. just FOLLOW through!
My boys NEVER threw a fit in the store, my daughter threw one....and ONLY one...because as soon as she started I picked her up and took her out to the car. I told her this is what she would get if she acted like that AT ALL...and it only took that once.
You son has to learn that you MEAN WHAT YOU SAY...and that you are going to do whatever you said you are going to do. Make it something you can live with. If you tell him he won't get the TV for a week, is this something you think you can follow through on? My hubby once, during the summer, told my boys that they were grounded to the house!! I almost shot him right there!! Who was he grounding???? me or the boys! lol lol lol
anyway, with the kids I work with follow through is the key, and sticking to what you say. Eventually, they will get that you mean business. Now that they are older, I just have to say, "that is enough, go to your room until you can talk civilly to me" and that seems to be working.
take care and good luck!
Lindy
P.S don't argue with your hubby over discipline, as long as neither of you are physically or mentally hurting your child, you will both find your own way. I also learned the hard way to NEVER correct my hubby's way of disciplining IN FRONT of our kids. It is hard, but I bite my tongue and save it for later.
Differing on Discipline!! 
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