My charming 17 yr old son has decided to play a game of chicken with me. He is pushing me to change the rules or else he plans to move out. To where? To sleep on the couch of a 30 yr old single mom's house who already allows two 18 yr old fools to bunk with her.
He's grounded but asked to "go on a walk". As I have half a brain, I gave him twenty minutes and then went out to "happen to find him". He's walking with a girl. He sees me and hands her something. A cell phone. I tell him to get in the car.
I decided to pay a little visit to the local police station. He wasn't aware that was what was going to happen. He sat in the car while I talked with the officer. Told him my son had stolen my credit card and might decide to make off with a car titled in my name and would he please talk to him. They had a long chat.
Then I drove to the 30 yr old's house and directly asked her whether she was willing to support my son because if he left (1) I'd sell his car (2) I'd liquidate his college fund and (3) I'd have him picked up on a theft charge. She wisely wiggled out of it. Finally my darling decided to return home if I would negotiate with him. I said grades, respect and chores were non-negotiable. He came home.
Son has offered to get the grades, to be respectful, to do chores daily and to get a part time job. Cha-chang (that's the sound of me hitting the lottery because that is much more than I ever asked for.) What does he want? To be able to have his cell phone back and to be able to have time with his friends. He actually had that before he decided to flunk out and steal my credit card.
Hmmmm. Too good to be true? ABSOLUTELY. Told him to think about what he was willing to sign and then to write it up for me to sign as well.
Should be interesting....
Sad part is -- I am grieving for the loss of the child I once knew. I do not know who this person is. What I do know about him I do not like. I'm actually getting to the point that I wish he would leave. He has worn me down almost to the point of no return. (I'm a single mom, no dad around, no family around, facing huge health issues.)
Why are they so stupid as to believe they can make it on their own with nothing on their side. Does he actually believe he has ANY chance of surviving in this world on his own without anyone to help or anything? That he can leave with his clothes and go from sofa to sofa and actually be happy?
How do I manage this stress?!? I move from being so numb I cannot think to suicidal.
I think you need help from councels. Firstly you need someone to talk to about your problems. I think you are starting to feel lonely with all the changes with your father passing away, your son growing away from you, things going out of control to an extent, there is a lot happening in your life and you are taking it all on your own.
Another thing you can do is ask social services to look after your son, surely if you want his best interests and you feel you can do that then you should think of ways of making use of because I think you would put his future ahead of your problems and ensure that he is successful.
I hope I havent said anything misleading, if I have please ask me for clarification. Thanks
You have come to the right place. We are here to support you through your act of pure bravery, without your needs in mind..the best for you son.I applaud you standing up for his best interest, having the police officer talk to him, the contract, everything you require. He is at that crucial age and point of life where they can easily turn the wrong way. It is your job as his mother to do all you can to steer him the right way, and let him practice living like an adult. You have a lot of guts, and as a mother, I am proud of you!
Now, I understand how the air must have whooshed right out of you during this ordeal, and now you are left feeling empty and alone. I have a son that got kicked out of the Marine Corp, followed by a string of other illegal acts, years of a mothers heartbreak, like yours. For me, a few years passed, and now he is the great young man that he was supposed to be. Young men seem to have a tendency to check out the other side, but then settle down to be neat people. I still have grandbabies to look forward to.
I am also a single mom, living right on the edge of the abyss, with my youngest, who is very close to me. I notice you mentioned serious illness, and I do too.
Sounds like we have some things in common, and I would be glad to chat some more if you like. I am interested in your story.
Hello, Alabama Girl. You are really doing a great job of taking charge of your life. I've been keeping up with your story. First, you have set some boundaries with your workers and now you are doing so with your son. Congratulations! Way to go!
As far as your son, you have to keep in mind that the teenage brain is not fully developed, especially the frontal lobes, which are the part that help people make decisions important for the future. He might not have the capacity yet to see how his current behavior will play out to a possible bad end. Plus, he is at the age where he is chomping at the bit to be "an adult." He resents anyone telling him what he can and can not do. I am impressed with your attempts to keep him in line!
Please don't let his behavior pull you down. It sounds like you have really worked hard at being a mother. I am blessed that I have a husband who supports me. Being a single mom isn't easy, I've always heard. He just might have to be one of those kids who has to learn the hard way....Remember that when he turns 18, he will be considered an adult by society. We just have to try to be there for them when they come to their senses and pray that they don't get into anything really bad. Right now he sounds like he's trying to rebel. One of my sons got mad at me when he was a younger teenager and announced that he was going to move as far away as possible once he was able to and never wanted to see me again. Well, he is now in college--only an hour away. And he does come home sometimes!
I've been trying to stay sane and to do the right thing. I must not give in to his bullying. I have decided things between us must be in writing. That way there is no misunderstanding. He is supposed to draft something by tomorrow.
I have taken a hard line against him being in this 30 year old's presence. He has agreed to not call, text, or go to her home.
I have told him that I will do whatever it takes to keep him on the right path, including moving to another town right now in the middle of his senior year.
It is just hard to hold onto any rational thought process while my world is spinning out of control. Again, thanks for listening.
Wow, I don't know how you parents do it. I'm afraid to have kids for this very reason. You do your best, you try all that you know to make sure they grow up not being axe-weilding serial killers or drug addicts or something, but they still end up breaking your heart by disobeying simple rules anyway. It seems to me like it would be very hard to be a mom who carried this baby for 9 months only to have him turn around 17 years later and act like you're their sworn enemy. It would make me absolutely insane and I commend all of you who have the patience and ability to deal with these unruly children!
You could have pressed charges when he stole the credit card. Be sure he knows you will do it next time. Just hang in and be strong. You are on the right track. If he fails to live up to his end of the bargain, then no privileges, no TV, no iPod, no cell phone, no nothing but a bed and his clothes and his school books. He has no other possessions. They are all yours because he is a minor and you're the adult. Tough love....and he needs to understand that's what will happen if he violates this contract.