My daughter has bipolar disorder, is under Dr's care, and has a psychologist, she is extremely intelligent and beautiful, and while at times she is kind and wonderful, well...the other times she lashes out at her sister, wishing her dead, calling her names I won't even repeat. When I come to the defense of my daughter, then she lashes out at me, telling me what a horrible mother I am, how I have never cared about her, telling me I am selfish and so on.
I know that bipolars have mood swings, I know about the rapid cycling, and I know it is ever changing, but how do I heal the emotional damage this is causing my other daughter? AND how do I deal with these outbursts that I know aren't really Chelsea's fault?? Both my girls blame me for one or the other getting away with bad behavior. I am at my wits end and worried about both. When Chelsea gets this way, there isn't any way to talk to her, she feels like it is her against us. The stress of all of this is tearing us apart at the seams. She always ends up taking off in her car and texting me insults and threats. Sorry to vent, just don't know what else to do.
Thank you for any help you can give.
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: cindypass Kali333 (07-13-2011), MsJLB123 (01-23-2011)
Hi, how old are ur daughters? Sounds like a really difficult situation ur all in. I think the only way to make sure ur other daughter is not damaged by this is to make sure she fully understands her sisters condition. Make sure she understands that arguing with her wil not help make her better so ask her to always walk away... I presume there both teenagers which I cud imagine a lot of this is esculated, walking away wud hopefully stop the arguemnts getting too heated. Remember it is not bad behaviour, it's negative behaviour displayed because of an illness, I honestly do think the more u other daughter understands the better things wil be. Chelsea wil work through it in her own time. U cud perhaps ask her to write a personal diary, this may help her deal with her emotions slightly better and she wud b able to reflect on them if she wanted to that way. All the best, it sounds like a very difficult time in ur lives, I hope this has been of some help.
The Following User Says Thank You to Clo88 For This Useful Post: cindypass (01-23-2011)
Sorry that you're having this problem with your daughter. I don't have any advice except that I hope you will keep yourself safe. I was surprised to learn that bipolars can be violent. I heard something to that effect on the news lately where someone was extremely violent. I have forgotten exactly what it was that happened.
I do remember many years ago dating a girl who seemed very nice, even tempered and very intelligent. I was about 22 and she was about 18. I dated her about twice, as I remember. About a month after our last date I heard from a friend that she had stabbed her mother 18 times. It was very difficult for me to imagine her doing something like that. I never did find out why she did it. Now, after all these years, I wonder if she might have been bipolar.
Last edited by JohnR41; 12-30-2010 at 12:23 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to JohnR41 For This Useful Post: cindypass (01-23-2011)
Just saw this post, I am new here and I have a son who has terrible mood swings and may or may not be BP. He was diagnosed with ADHD. but now we are unsure. Anyway, he is a smart, bright and loving 11-year old boy, but he too like your daughter has violent, angry mood swings that are shocking and breaking my heart. He curses at his stepfather and I, throws things and has punched me more than a few times. It all came out of nowhere over the past two years and now it has escalated from the occasional blowup to where they happen most days. He wakes in a rage, full of anger, after eight or nine hours of sleep. I am investigating a possible sleep disorder, also BP. You say your daughter is under the care of a psyciatrist, what does this mean? Is she on medication? If so, what and now much? Does she have a proper diet, does she get enough sleep? Is there a family history of mood disorders? There are so many contributing factors that can cause these things and you need to examine each one. What I am trying to say is that if your daughter is under the care of a psychiatrist,she should not still be having these continued lashouts at her sister and you if the medication is working. My son is not yet on meds for his moods as we have only come to that as a last resort. His psychiatrist wants to try a low-dosage of Respirdal, and as scared to death as I am, I don't know where else to turn. My son's father and uncle both have horrible mood swings and rage, and neither have received any treatment for it. As a result, both men have experienced many failures in their lives, both in their careers and relationships with women. Their relationships with family members are also failures. I can't see letting that happen to my son. As heartbreaking as it is, I feel I must do what I can to ensure that his life has a chance at success. His psyciatrist tells me he has had many successes with kids like my son who have similar problems. Anyway, I wish you luck and I hope you are able to help your daughter help herself and get some stability in your home.
Thank you for posting. I understand exactly how you are feeling, and I mean that. My daughter was also on Respridril, but it didn't work for her. We've been through quite a few over the years, and that is a frustration in itself. It seems that they have to be on the meds for up to 6 weeks to see if it is going work, and that seems like an eternity. Also, I have found out since I last posted that my daughter wasn't taking her meds ( Effexor ). My husband and I met with her psychologist, ( good to have one, plus the psychiatrist ) and he explained that when they are feeling better, they think they don't need the medication and try to go it alone. An attempt, I suppose, to feel "normal", which is what they so want to feel. It's definetly a slippery slope. My daughter is now back in college, and that, plus actually taking her medication has been a blessing. She is highly intelligent, most bipolars are, and being focused is a plus.
She has changed the way she was eating, another problem as she is very petite, and the medication, all so far, for the depression makes her sick to her stomach, very difficult to eat at all without throwing up. That is what started her to stop the meds for a few days so she could eat. It's so sad and heartbreaking to watch. So, she stays away from soda and sugar for the most part, lots of yogurt and fresh veggies. She also does yoga, that helps too. Being organized is another thing that helps, she keeps a routine, another important step. So, things have been much better. She is a rapid cycling bipolar, another tricky thing, I'm sure you'll find all this out as you begin to diagnose your son.
The medications can do wonders, but lots of side effects, that bothered my daughter a lot, it's very hard to come to grips with being bipolar, they have to accept that as a fact, and that isn't easy. In a world where everyone expects us to be perfect, having a mental disorder is not what a young adult finds easy to accept. Ok, gone on long enough, I wish you the best and hope everything works out for your son. All my best.
I think your describing two teenagers. I have had a situation in the past with my ADHD and ODD son. Anger outburst that were out of control. Rule #1. There's no excuse for abuse. Period. Time out with no privilages until the offender apoligizes to the victim. If there is physical abuse then call the cops. Set the boundaries with the kids, and follow through with your actions. They get the hang of it. It may seem silly sending a teenager to their room, but it's sillier watching a grown up throw a temper tantrum. ADHD, BP or not. I strongly suggest you invest in the program called Total Transformation. Google it. It would work for any kid. It was tough at first for everyone, but the anger outburst have seised. The second thing I have changed in my house is the simplicity of our lifes. The ideas came from a book I read, the only one I found that deals in the way to live your life after the diagnoses and not dealing with the medication. Just simplifying. Making it clearer for the ones who have the mental challenges. Building their self esteem and self respect. Here's one I use myself. It lifts a tremendous weight off my shoulders every morning. Buy three packs of socks exactly the same color. Make sure it is the one your daughter wants. Then throw out all other socks. On laundry day their are no pairs to make and in the morning their is no looking for a pair that matches. ADD'ers don't want to waste their time making matches, and BP'ers may be too depressed at the time to do so. We have cut down our tops to seven, bottoms to severn...this makes it simple to dress. Less choice, less problems. I find time is being positively spent. If your not moving forward, then look for the problem. Kids act funny sometimes, lashing out because they are not happy with their lives. Sometimes parents can read more into it then necsarry. They are kids and we are the adults. I took charge by implementing the tools I decided to put in my tool box. These are just a few tricks I use, but boy, does he sure like being with his piers. He's confident and has his boundaries clearly defined. He's accountable for his actions. If your interested in that book I can get the name. Remember always move forward. Oh, and by the way, he is off one of his meds. I am proud to see him participating in pier appropriate activities. I hope this helpful.