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Old 07-20-2011, 09:19 AM   #1
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Daughter too young for boyfriend?

I'm in a very sticky predicament. I am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend who has a daughter who will be 14 in 2 months. She has a boyfriend now (a little over a month) and mostly they talk alot on the phone or text but lately, they've been hanging out quite a bit and my boyfriend does most of the driving (which is another issue...I don't think it's fair and the boy's parents, who are also divorced, don't seem to offer to share too much). I dont have children of my own so I can only go by my own upbringing and what I feel is common sense. But it seems like they are spening way too much time together for that age. Yet, nowadays, that seems to be the norm. My nieces and nephews all got to pretty much do what they want which shocked me so I don't want to cause a huge rift between my boyfriend and me if it's something I should get used to.

Also, we have had conversations about my role in his daughter's life. He has always said to be honest with her, he welcomes my advice to her and trusts my judgment if it's a topic that should be diverted to her mom or him. But he also has what seems to be common in single parents - a huge guilt trip so he wants to do whatever it takes to make her happy but to me it's at the expense of not giving her enough boundaries. He has a great head on his shoulders until it comes to his daughter and this is where he is very blinded. Again, this seems to be common in this era so maybe I'm the one who needs to get with the times and relax. It doesn't effect me or our relationship and I don't want to step where I don't belong. There are jsut alot of things we disagree on in parenting style and I'm wondering if this is one I should just let go and speak up only when I either see her in harm's way or if it is somehow directly effecting me.

Can anyone help?

 
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Old 07-20-2011, 09:32 AM   #2
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Re: Daughter too young for boyfriend?

is his daughters mother in her life? what are her thoughts on the situation?

 
Old 07-20-2011, 10:06 AM   #3
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Re: Daughter too young for boyfriend?

She is fully in the picture. To be honest, it's so new I'm not sure what her take on it is. She and I don't really talk unless we have to (out of circumstance, not because we don't talk). But from what I've seen so far, I doubt she'd be as ok about it, or at least as frequent.

Also, the daughter's friend, same age, has a Mom who is just as ok as my boyfriend with this dating situation and hides it from the Dad. (my boyfriend's daughter and her friend are "dating" two friends)

 
Old 10-13-2011, 07:38 PM   #4
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Re: Daughter too young for boyfriend?

This sounds like something to wait out and see where it goes. You said it was a month into the relationship and your step child is 14. Do you remember what being 14 was like? Boys did not last long no matter their age! Also, you never mentioned his age and I can't answer the question posted. However, I can assure you that this too shall pass. Sometimes we just need to wait things out to see results. As for my personal opinion on should you speak up or let it go, I would say let it go... Unless you notice something different between the "couple" its best to just keep your thoughts to yourself. You don't want to upset the Dad over something that is now a days viewed as the norm. Best of luck to you!

 
Old 10-16-2011, 09:31 PM   #5
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Re: Daughter too young for boyfriend?

Just keep your eyes open... any major changes I'd watch for. If she seems happy I wouldn't panic. Make sure if it gets serious you sit down with her (lady to lady) and explain some things that she should know.

 
Old 11-27-2011, 12:53 PM   #6
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Re: Daughter too young for boyfriend?

Hi kokopelli,

I do agree with you !!!! I think she is to young to even have a boyfriend at 14. If I had a daughter I wouldnt consider her trying to date until she was 16 or maybe 17. A 14 year old can get pregnant. When I was around that age I knew a girl who had a boyfriend she was 14 and was going in labor at 15 . So , when it comes down to things like this I take it serious. Being that you said they date , I wouldn't feel to good about it. When young people are always around each other they run out of things to do, they get bored , and the next thing is sleeping together .... I believe they should slow down. Right now I think a 14 year old should be worrying about school and trying to pass, hang out with their (girl) friends and later for boys until they get older.

 
Old 11-27-2011, 01:31 PM   #7
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Re: Daughter too young for boyfriend?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kokopelli70 View Post
I'm in a very sticky predicament. I am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend who has a daughter who will be 14 in 2 months. She has a boyfriend now (a little over a month) and mostly they talk alot on the phone or text but lately, they've been hanging out quite a bit and my boyfriend does most of the driving (which is another issue...I don't think it's fair and the boy's parents, who are also divorced, don't seem to offer to share too much). I dont have children of my own so I can only go by my own upbringing and what I feel is common sense. But it seems like they are spening way too much time together for that age. Yet, nowadays, that seems to be the norm. My nieces and nephews all got to pretty much do what they want which shocked me so I don't want to cause a huge rift between my boyfriend and me if it's something I should get used to.

Also, we have had conversations about my role in his daughter's life. He has always said to be honest with her, he welcomes my advice to her and trusts my judgment if it's a topic that should be diverted to her mom or him. But he also has what seems to be common in single parents - a huge guilt trip so he wants to do whatever it takes to make her happy but to me it's at the expense of not giving her enough boundaries. He has a great head on his shoulders until it comes to his daughter and this is where he is very blinded. Again, this seems to be common in this era so maybe I'm the one who needs to get with the times and relax. It doesn't effect me or our relationship and I don't want to step where I don't belong. There are jsut alot of things we disagree on in parenting style and I'm wondering if this is one I should just let go and speak up only when I either see her in harm's way or if it is somehow directly effecting me.

Can anyone help?
She is way to young to be dating. I started dating my husband when I was 14 (just a baby), he was 17. I can't believe my mother let me date him, she wouldn't allow me to date anyone else, she liked him. Fact I think she picked my husband. I was lucky, he was a good guy, but he still was a boy full of hormones, and I was still just a little girl. I finished school, but I graduated in May of 65, and got married June of 65. We went together for 4 years then got married. We were both to young to be that serious. We had our first child when I was 20, way to young. I wasn't even driving a car yet.

I feel for you, this would be so hard to watch. My advice to you is, stay out of it, smile. If you don't, then eventually her dad and you will start having problems over this. I would let this be between the girl's dad and her mom.

I know kids now days do things a lot different than they did back in my day, but I would never let a daughter of mine date at age 14. My kids thank me today for all the strict rules we had. They use to stay angry with us a lot, but now that they have kids, they understand why we had rules.

To bad the dad is allowing his daughter to put him on a guilt trip, and he is to blind to see what she is doing.

Good Luck!
hugs
Daisy

 
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