my husband has a friend who he talks to once in awhile and we are invited over for dinner occassionally. They have two kids - a son who is 12 years old and a daughter who is 9 years old. I have two kids an 8 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. My kids would just play with the 9 year old daughter. There 12 year old is a big age difference. Anyway, my kids are homeschooled so they play with everyone nicely. I had my kids over there house for a cookout and the 12 year old son kept making fun of my son and calling him stupid. So that was addressed with their parents and he apologized. Then it happened a second time - my son was called fat and stupid. He also said my son looks like Bruno Mars because my kids are half asian and half white. My son told me this happened after I left the cookout. Today I came over my kids were playing and they were all watching tv - A fat asian boy was on the disney channel and their son said to my son "you look just like that with your fat face" - I caught him in the act and told him I do not like that one bit. I explained to him it is not nice to make fun of people who are a different race or if they fat or skinny. Then I said "let me talk to your father" - I go downstairs and tell his father what I said. As I left, my daughter said he rolled his eyes and then made fun of my son again. After I had that speech with him he still didn't learn. My son doesn't want to go over their house again. I told my husband that I am "done" - you can go over there but my kids and I won't go over there. My husband said "Let's let it go and see if happens again" - I said "no" My husband won't even back me up. The mother wasn't there because she was at work. What would you do? Am I overreacting?
5 times just gets on my nerve and it is starting to give my son a complex.
If it bothers your son, then you have not overreacted; if he doesn't really care, and can hold his own and stick up for himself, then maybe you can ignore it to a certain extent. If he is upset by it, then I would not only stop visiting them, I would tell them (in a polite non-blaming way) why I stopped. Sera.
The kid is a regular bully and I would stick up for your son to the fullest, as well as address the fact with his parents. Bullying is now a huge focus in schools, and children are being taught how to deal with bullying. It is being taught that standing by while bullying is going on, is as bad a doing the bullying yourself. I am very surprised at your husbands reaction..Our job as parents is to protect and nurture our children, and this does not mean to leave them to deal with such horrible situations alone.
I agree with you, that your children should not have to ever go to their house again, as well as them never being invited into yours again. When we allow others to do to our children, what we do not allow them to do to others, we are sending very mixed messages, which is not good at all. There are too many good and nice people around to mess around with self centered beasts.
I would express your feelings clearly and openly with the parents to explain the reasons for the end of your friendship. Sugar coating this would be a disservice to your son.
Thanks everyone for your comments - so I told my husband "I am done" - no longer seeing those people again. If you can't control your kid and this is like the second apology then there is a problem (also bullied many other times) - I think the parents have a problem. I still feel very angry because the kid even did it again when I left the room after telling him it is wrong. So he will never learn. It puzzles me because they look like a normal family and the mother is a teacher in a school and teaches not to bully. What Up!
I'm glad to hear that you stood your ground with your husband in regards to allowing you and your children to keep away from these bullying people. You have every right to stand up for your beliefs and I would never befriend someone like this! Being around like minded people with your views and all will help create lasting friendships. I hope your husband understands where you're coming from and you and yours can continue to meet new and like minded people!
Yes, haven't seen them since that happened and my husband has stayed away from them too. They ask all the time what happened to us but my husband tells them we are busy so they stopped asking. Our lives are much better without them.