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Old 09-29-2011, 11:11 AM   #1
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My 21 year old son does not get it

I'm not sure what I did wrong as a mother but I have 2 children, a 16 year old daughter and a 21 year old son. My daughter is so responsible, has always excelled academically and other than she's a little messy does okay for a 16 year old. My son on the other hand is very artistic and has always loved dance and music. He choreographed several events during his high school years, played basketball and has alot of friends. However, when he graduated he really didn't want to go to college. He blamed me for not helping him get into a college. Every time I talked about it, he ignored me and seemed disinterested. So when he finally graduated high school he said he didn't have anywhere to go. I took him (literally by the hand) to the community college and enrolled him. Spento $600 on his books and alot more on his classes. He failed a couple of classes and had to retake them in the following semester. He failed them again. He finally said, this isn't for me and I'm sorry I made you spend all that money. He said he wanted to me a music producer. He already has a studio in his room and has wored in retail to pay for some of his equipment. I am guilty of helping him buy more. So now that's all he does. He has actually done very well because he's very musically inclined. He networks all night on his computer and sleeps part of the day. I have grown tired because he does a gig or two here and there and makes a bit of money. He never asks me for anything and I never give him anything. He has no car because after two accidents (carelessness) the car was considered a total loss. I have been divorced since my son was 8 years old. His dad never went to any of his basketball games or dance events in high school. My son can spend hours composing music tracks and mixes - and is going in the right direction to be a music producer - to the neglect of everything else around him. When he is involved in something he loves, he focuses 100%. He has wonderful plans, but doesn't have a back up plan. I can ask him, again and again, to do something simple like take the trash out, and unless he does it IMMEDIATELY, it is forgotten. Deep down, I am terrified for him - and I guess I'm thinking, "He can't look after himself, so I have to do it for him." I envision him out on the streets....when he has SO MUCH potential. He is very warm and affectionate with me, never fails to tell me that he loves me and appreciates what I have done for him - but he just doesn't "get it." Life, in general. I love him with all my heart, but he has caused me a lot of grief since he graduated high school. (I used alot of the words from a 2002 post from scrappy mom...seems we might have the same son, lol). Anyway, I see alot of similar posts to mine and wanted to hear about some updates...how did your son or daughter with similar issues as mine turn out?

 
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Old 10-03-2011, 02:52 PM   #2
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Re: My 21 year old son does not get it

I don't think he has to "get it" yet because you are doing it for him. You're enabling him to continue on his present path. Tell him he must get a move on about finding more stable work so he can contribute to the home or get a place of his own and he can do his "music producing" as a side line until he "makes it". And don't worry, once you're gone he'll figure it out, they usually do, unless there are mental health issues. Boys and girls can't be compared that way. Girls are more mature than boys at a younger age. Some "boys" never grow up

 
Old 12-04-2011, 03:31 PM   #3
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Re: My 21 year old son does not get it

Now I know where my old son went, You've got him...Lol. Yes I've been there, loving effectionate lad with a single track mind, no help around the home. I'm a single Mum of 2 lads, thier Dad is a no show which they have got used to. They say every cloud has a silver lining. My eldest is now in his own flat and is an apprentice electrical engineer for a major company. He is now 21 and is doing very well on his own. he has a car and manages his bills without any help. He cooks, cleans and does his own laundry. All this from someone who was so laid back he was almost comatose..lol. There is hope. your Son will grow up, just dont blink or you could miss it. All the best. X

 
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