Originally Posted by Ashley4424
I have a 14 year old that will not behave. She sneaks out at night at and goes to wild parties and such, I am so afraid she's going to have sex. I am a wait till marriage kind of person. I have thought about taking her and getting her checked to make sure she's still a virgin. She talks back, cusses like a sailor etc. etc. please help!
Ashley, you said that you are "so afraid she's going to have sex."
What specifically about that frightens you?
It sounds like you have a LOT on your plate. Whether she is still a virgin is, to me, quite irrelevant in this big picture.
What seems relevant and important is that she ignoring rules; living life as though she has no boundaries; that she could be puttting herself in dangerous situations (drugs, drinking, rape, unstable thought processes) which could lead to a whole host of other problems -- including pregnancy, trouble with the courts, etc. Then there is the issue of a lack of respect (i.e. talking back, cussing, etc.).
I definitely think you should consider family therapy -- where the therapist is HERS, but you occasionally join in accordance with what the therapist believes is most helpful for your daughter. For her to have her own special person -- who is unbiased, un-parent-like, and not another authority figure -- to talk with, work things through with, get constructive criticism from, learn appropriate coping skills from, etc., could be hugely beneficial.
Given your daughter's current lifestyle, if you're open to it, I think it is urgent that your daughter start using a reliable method of pregnancy control. It will protect her from the lifelong results of an unintended pregnancy, as well as help with regulating periods and reducing cramps. If you are not open to it, I urge you to get used to the idea of being a very young grandmother.
A really useful and informative book is "Positive Discipline for Teenagers."
As you can see, there is no one answer or cure-all for a teen who is all over the map with issues.
Decide what your ultimate goal is in raising this child. How do you envision her life in 10 years? What are your biggest wishes for her? What kind of relationship do you want with her when she is 32 and you have an empty nest? Paint your picture and start taking baby steps toward it. I promise you -- whether or not she is still a virgin really won't matter to you someday. Trust me, I've been there.