It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Parenting Issues Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-21-2011, 05:47 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 29
Ashley4424 HB UserAshley4424 HB User
How to deal with daughter's rebeilousness.

I have a 14 year old that will not behave. She sneaks out at night at and goes to wild parties and such, I am so afraid she's going to have sex. I am a wait till marriage kind of person. I have thought about taking her and getting her checked to make sure she's still a virgin. She talks back, cusses like a sailor etc. etc. please help!

 
Old 10-22-2011, 01:58 AM   #2
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Ca, USA
Posts: 19
rainbowskin HB User
Re: How to deal with daughter's rebeilousness.

There is no way to "check" if a female is a virgin or not. Tampons or masturbation can break the hymen. Trying to scare a child with mis-information will not work it will only create distrust of you within them because they will find out that you are using scare tactics to try and control them or they will just generally disrespect you for being ignorant about sexual health because they will find out they know more than you about the subject by talking to friends etc.

Teens like this want to respect their parent and if the parent acts timid or isn't as informed as they are they see them as weakness. Start setting limits and exerting a sense of respect and command, don't be a push over. She may be testing you..

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-26-2011, 03:42 PM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southeast Louisiana
Posts: 320
Curious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB User
Re: How to deal with daughter's rebeilousness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley4424 View Post
I have a 14 year old that will not behave. She sneaks out at night at and goes to wild parties and such, I am so afraid she's going to have sex. I am a wait till marriage kind of person. I have thought about taking her and getting her checked to make sure she's still a virgin. She talks back, cusses like a sailor etc. etc. please help!
Ashley, you said that you are "so afraid she's going to have sex."

What specifically about that frightens you?

It sounds like you have a LOT on your plate. Whether she is still a virgin is, to me, quite irrelevant in this big picture.

What seems relevant and important is that she ignoring rules; living life as though she has no boundaries; that she could be puttting herself in dangerous situations (drugs, drinking, rape, unstable thought processes) which could lead to a whole host of other problems -- including pregnancy, trouble with the courts, etc. Then there is the issue of a lack of respect (i.e. talking back, cussing, etc.).

I definitely think you should consider family therapy -- where the therapist is HERS, but you occasionally join in accordance with what the therapist believes is most helpful for your daughter. For her to have her own special person -- who is unbiased, un-parent-like, and not another authority figure -- to talk with, work things through with, get constructive criticism from, learn appropriate coping skills from, etc., could be hugely beneficial.

Given your daughter's current lifestyle, if you're open to it, I think it is urgent that your daughter start using a reliable method of pregnancy control. It will protect her from the lifelong results of an unintended pregnancy, as well as help with regulating periods and reducing cramps. If you are not open to it, I urge you to get used to the idea of being a very young grandmother.

A really useful and informative book is "Positive Discipline for Teenagers."

As you can see, there is no one answer or cure-all for a teen who is all over the map with issues.

Decide what your ultimate goal is in raising this child. How do you envision her life in 10 years? What are your biggest wishes for her? What kind of relationship do you want with her when she is 32 and you have an empty nest? Paint your picture and start taking baby steps toward it. I promise you -- whether or not she is still a virgin really won't matter to you someday. Trust me, I've been there.

Last edited by Curious One; 10-26-2011 at 03:45 PM.

 
Old 11-17-2011, 10:04 PM   #4
Veteran
(female)
 
WhenItRains's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 482
WhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB User
Re: How to deal with daughter's rebeilousness.

Well I can understand her not wanting her daughter to have sex at 14.That is still pretty young.I know kids these days do it younger and younger,but that doesn't make it right.

That being said,I agree maybe she should think about getting her daughter on some birth control.

My daughter is also 14 and we have talked openly about sex and birth control.
I have told her when the time is right for her,she can come to me and I will get it for her.
My daughter is pretty immature though and is not even interested in kissing a boy yet,so I can't fully relate.I would want her to wait until she was at least 16.
Any younger then that and I just don't think these kids can mentally handle the consequences of their actions.

 
Old 11-18-2011, 05:29 PM   #5
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southeast Louisiana
Posts: 320
Curious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB UserCurious One HB User
Re: How to deal with daughter's rebeilousness.

I do agree with you When It Rains, but unfortunately biology is biology and since millions of teens are having sex, it is so important that the adults in their lives can be the mature educators about precautions, considerations, safety, consequences (mental and emotional included), etc. And, if the teen ultimately decides that they know best and do have sex, I hope that there are some adults in the picture who can help these children to not bring babies into the world.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
please help me i dont know how to deal with him anymore lost4949 Relationship Health 11 03-15-2009 08:49 AM
I am so angry at my dad, I don't know how to deal with it Clover29 Relationship Health 6 03-01-2009 12:34 PM
Brother's anger...hard to deal. angela5271 Relationship Health 23 12-14-2008 07:56 PM
I don't know how to deal with this... ghunt Relationship Health 4 04-16-2008 10:46 AM
How do I deal with this??????????????????????????? m1e1b1s1 Relationship Health 10 04-15-2008 08:53 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Seraph (8), writeleft (6), rudiraven (4), marisuela (4), Curious One (3), noevr (3), katlin09 (3), jilas0127 (3), Foxxii (3), Beth Ann (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:51 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!