Re: Losing my daughter to her Step Mother
I found your post and couldn't believe how similar our stories are. I have been divorced for 6 years now. I have 2 girls, one is now 17 and the other is 14, and both were diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes 4 years ago. We have the children 50/50.
I have not remarried but have a BF of 2 1/2 years now. My ex remarried within 6 months of our divorce. SM has a daughter just turning 15 and my ex and SM had a baby 3 years ago. In my opinion, one of the reasons my ex remarried, was to have someone do all the "child care". He is a surgeon so is not always home, and has never had to accomodate his schedule for the kids, since he has SM there to do everything (and, oh by the way, she also has a nanny!! Yes, that is a snyde remark!). (I am also a physician and work part time the weeks I have the kids so that I can be there to pick them up from school, etc). In fact, I hardly ever talk/deal with my ex regarding issues/appointments/etc - it is almost always the SM that texts or emails me. SM and ex are very controlling, in my point of view, and SM has made all doctors appts for the girls, signs them up for all activities, signs school/health forms, etc. In fact one time, we were standing together with my daughter and the receptionist was asking questions about my daughter's health etc and she just started talking without even giving me the opportunity to answer; I think the receptionist was confused as to whom the actual mother was! I am not an aggressive person, and tend to avoid confrontation, but I have tried talking to my ex about this and his comment is that SM has same rights as me, and that they are a "couple" and make all decisions together so whatever SM says to me, goes. Over the years I have slowly tried to take over making the appts. but SM still makes many of them.
I also sometimes get the sense that my older daughter prefers SM over me. I have to remind myself, however, that teenage daughters are supposed to "dislike" their mothers, argue with them, etc. And SM is probably more like a "friend". But it is hurtful. SM took my daughter to get her brows waxed for the first time several years ago - never asked me. She made her a small "emergency kit" for when she got her period. She has taken her shopping for her prom dress (and one time I joined them, and pretty much felt like a third wheel - my daughter asked SM's opinion about a dress almost every time rather than my opinion). One time my daughter called SM complaining I had no snacks at the house, so SM left a gift basket on the door step with all her favorite snacks. Talk about undermining!! I could go on........And my daughter often will text/call SM when we have a fight and give her details of things I say - she is quick to throw me under the bus by not always giving correct information to her dad and SM. The reverse never happens, however.
There is much more to my story that I would love to share, but I would be writing forever. I could even share some emails with you that I have received from SM that would outrage you!! I am happy to speak with you sometime if you would like.
But, hang in there. My older sister and many dear friends tell me that in the end, the kids always "see" the truth. Stick to your values/morals. Let your daughter know that you are always making decisions in her best interest and because you love her. I have hope that in the long run I will get that mother-daughter relationship that I had with my mom.