I am at my wit's end. I hopped on my laptop that is shared with my 17 year old daughter and saw her facebook page was up and she was in the midst of a conversation with a friend. I wasn't intentionally prying or invading her privacy, this is a shared laptop and the information was already up on the screen. A few words jumped out at me immediately and I started reading the string. I just learned my 17 year old daughter has been drinking (alcohol) and smoking pot. She may be doing harder drugs but I'm not positive. Within this message strand they also discuss how much they love sex describing rough sex, drunken sex and oral sex with anyone, not even one consistent person. I'd found condoms in her room so I had my suspicions but I think I buried my head in the sand and didn't want to believe it. Unfortunately now I think we have a very serious problem.
We haven't been able to sit down and talk to her about it, she says she doesn't want to talk and she hates being in our home. She quit school, doesn't have a job and isn't seeking one. I'm scared, heartbroken and confused. I'm wondering what the best next steps are. Counseling? Rehab?
Her dad and I have been married for almost 24 years, we have a 20 year old daughter going to college and living at home is also affected by the actions of her little sister. Our formerly happy home now feels like a war zone. I could use some advice.
I am sorry that your family is going through this. The thing with counselling or rehab is that she has to cooperate or want it herself. It will not work otherwise. Anything you do in the way of discipline will probably result in her leaving home. Where is she getting money for pot? You can cut that off if it is an allowance that you provide. You can provide a roof over her head, food and basic needs; make her provide her extras. That is, she gets work or goes without stuff like makeup, clothes (except the basic necessities) or pot etc. apart from the drugs and sex, she cannot just live off you and refuse to do anything to support herself. Stop allowing this. I don't think you can change her behaviour outside the home, what could you do? Lock her up? Just start by insisting on her not using our home as a hotel. Make her do her own laundry for instance. If she wants to be the 'wild and free' adult, then withdraw home comforts. None of this will stop her, but you can certainly control her behaviour in your home. Sera