I am not here to be judged or any thing rude said about my parenting just asking for advice. My son is 3 years old and is an angel he is sweet, loving, funny, silly, everything a normal child us. He developed normally and has no speech problems no learning disabilities, no signs of autism or aspergers. My problem is his anger she says he hates me when he gets frustrated or angry, he calls me stupid and everything else stupid, he hits me hits his 6 year old sister, I am not a mother who hits her children I have tried everything and I'm at the point of pulling my hair out this is not normal tantrums, it is not normal I can't go out without being embarrassed or hit in public I can't put him in day care or leave him with the only other care I have because he beats her up ( litterally punches her in the face) I am a single mother with no help no way to get a job and I'm at a loss. My daughter has always been well behaved and listens she sweet beautiful kind loving and I'm always missing out with her because either I have to devote all my time to her brother or protect from him. He almost broke her finger today and when she cried he called her stupid. I am good mother and love my babies with all my heart. I just want to know if any one else has gone through this? Does it pass ? Or know what it is? Or how to have my child evaluated at the pedatrition? I don't what to say. I just want my little boy to be loving and sweet all the time he's so wonderful, I just don't understand his anger. I am always so loving I don't hit even if he hits me, I try never to raise my voice because I don't want anger in my home, its just me him and my daughter I don't know how he learned this I just need to know how to help him.
It sounds like he is basically easily frustrated and that makes him lash out. Whatever the reason, you cannot allow it to go on. I don't know what will work in your case, not knowing your son, but it must be firm and consistent. For example, when you go out, offer a treat (a small toy, or a ride on one of the machines) at the end of it, depending on him not being naughty. If he is, then tell him straight away that he has blown it and close down the subject . He must know precisely what actions will be no-nos, and be reminded. If you can do these things calmly, making it a natural consequence of his own behaviour, it may help him to gain control of his temper. At home, time out is often the best method. Make him stay in his room for a determined amount of time. You probably know all this stuff already, but the key is calmness, consistency, an firmness. Clearly he has not learned to control himself, and you must teach him. Once he learns hat he is shooting himself in the foot, he will give it up. His aggressiveness will not be tolerated at pre school, so it is important that it is not tolerated at home. Sera
I appreciate your reply but this is what I have done all along and continue to do, time out can go on for three hours he doesn't seem to mind it and will scream cry for hours. I love my little boy and trust me he is the sweetest boy in the world but at times this anger comes and I don't know where it comes from, he refuses to listen to me when he is angry and just down right turns into a little monster. I am always calm and I listen to him treat him right when he says hate first thing I say is that is a bad word and if he keeps saying it time out he goes. I also never reward for bad behavior no matter the anger. It just seems not normal. I don't know thank you again for your reply...
You sound like a good mom. Just a couple of hints i used for my own kids, and a very cranky granddaughter. For a start, don't make a big deal about what he says to you. Most kids will say stuff like that. My daughter said a few times and I would say, yes you do hate me right now, but you won't hate me tomorrow, and I will love you even if you hate me right now. The same with stupid, yes i know you think i am stupid, but look how stupid i can really be. Then pull a face or do a gorilla dance (not recommended in the supermarket). Once he loses the power of a reaction, and also sees that you allow him to express even his negative feelings freely, then the anger will dissipate. Keep your own humor going, not to mock him or let him "get away with it", rather to reassure him that anger is normal but physical agression is not ok.
Thank you again I do always always tell him when he says I hate you I say well I love you he always seems to smile but never tried sillyness I will try this. If it does continue I don't know what else to do except call the doctor. My boy is as normal as can be except the crazy anger outbursts. One thing I did try once I was in a meeting with a worker and she asked about my children I tried to explane my son and she acted like he was the worst and asked me if I wanted to meet with cps, almost asking me if I wanted to give up my child I picked up my son and said to her are you crazy I love my baby and never spoke to that woman ever again. I truely love both my kids and I take pride in being a good Momma but sometimes I wanna pull my hair out, but I thank you and I am sure it will pass I have enough patients to try anything. Hitting though not an option, I've had many tell me to just beat my baby never have spoken to those people again either have a good one Sera
katersmoma: I think the first thing to do is not feel guilty and set firm boundaries as seraph states. The next is to stop idealizing your boy, and realize that he is not an "angel"; no one is, especially someone that is hitting innocent family members. When you can accept the fact that your son has some trouble that needs your serious intervention, you will automatically have more control over him. But as with all psychological issues, the underlying causes have to be acknowledged and cleared up--in this case it would likely be your connection with him. Give this a chance before putting him on the road to lifelong medication.