I am in desperate need of advice.
I got married about 3 months ago. We are both in our 40’s. We both have kids from previous marriages: I have a 14 years old boy, and he has an 18 years old daughter. Before we got married and soon thereafter, everything was great. We all got along just fine and were looking forward to a big, combined family. I have to mention, that his daughter came into the picture just a few months before we got married. For a number of reasons, my husband had no contact with his daughter for 4 years prior to that. And as soon as they started talking again, she moved in with him full time claiming that her mother was treating her poorly. Fast-forward to this day: the girl happens to be completely unruly. She doesn’t want to go to college (she graduated high school this year) and she doesn’t want to get a job. She doesn’t want to help around the house either. She sleeps till noon or later every day and plays video games. She doesn’t have any friends other than a guy from local coffee shop she is casually dating. But the worst part is what she does when she finds that things are not the way she wants them to be – she screams, yells, cries, threatens us to jump out of a window, etc. Basically, she acts as a crazy person who should be institutionalized for violent behavior. Anything can trigger off such reaction from a game station hidden away from her to an attempt to tell her that she is being rude. Sometimes she starts yelling at us for no reason what so ever, just because she is in a bad mood.
What bothers me is that she gets my son in the middle of this drama. The latest development was that she told her mother that my son beats her up, which is absolutely not true. In fact, she slaps my son on the face sometimes thinking that it would discipline him and teach him how to treat her right.
I tried talking to my husband, but at no success. He gets very angry when I complain to him. He feels guilty for the fact that his daughter grew up into a monster and doesn’t want to hear about it. Meanwhile, he is a very busy person – quite often he is not home till late at night getting tied up at work or business functions. And I work from home for the most part left alone to deal with this problem.
3 months into my marriage, I start doubting that it was the right decision to marry into this family. I am deeply depressed. I feel helpless. I love my husband. He is a great man and he is great with my son. This marriage was a dream come true for me just 3 months ago. But now I start thinking that I should run for the hills and save my son and myself from getting completely destroyed by this girl. Especially, since I see no help on this issue from my husband. He just distances himself from this problem in hopes that things will change and get better on their own. He has no time and energy to deal with this.
What would you do?..
Re: Stepchild problems
The husband should be responsible for his daughter, he is the one that needs to talk to her. He feels guilty for not being a part of Her life so, now he's ignoring her bad behaviors. You need to sit down and talk to him about the situation, he needs to listen to your concerns. She got treated badly by her mother and now she's treating others badly because of that. I believe that she needs to see a therapist. I would not put up with her hitting your son. I would definitely leave the house. I would not stay in that situation, it's bad for the both of you. Maybe leaving for awhile might get your husband to see how bad it's getting. You should not be taking the emotional abuse. It makes me think if it was was really that bad at her moms. Maybe she didn't get her way there so she wanted to leave and found a opportunity to do so. Well I hope things get better for you. You got to stand your ground or nothing will change.
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