I come from a family of 6. My parents, two brothers, a sister, and me. My childhood wasn't much of one because my parents were both young and immature. They had nasty fights and would drag me and my siblings into their arguments and use us against one another. I had to mature very quickly my the 2nd grade to help with my youngest brother and also discipline my younger siblings. My mother was very immature and relied on my grandmother to do all the daily care of my siblings and I. This in turn made me feel more maternal feelings and respect for my grandmother instead of my mother.
When I was in high school my grandmother passed away. My mother went into a deep depression and my parents separated. My step-father paid for the house mortgage but not grocery expenses and I had to learn to cook and clean or else my mom would get crazy angry with me. It took a year or two but eventually my mother's depression lessened as did her verbal abuse towards me.
My parents were both super hard on me with my grades and in school. I admit I did slack off a bit, but what teenager wouldn't given the broken home I was coping with. See the thing is through all this my brothers and sister were allowed to get away with so much with no consequences.
Fast forward to today. I finally figured out what I want to do in life after years of my family holding me back. I have two associates, recently graduated from an LVN program and received my license. I am one class away from applying for an LVN to RN program. I currently still live with my parents who don't mind supporting my while I'm in school (which I feel really guilty for by the way). But where I have figured my life out my siblings haven't.
I feel terrible because my younger brothers (18) and (23) had been diagnosed with Tourette syndrome as children and I think its partly to do with my step-fathers genetics and the stressful childhood we all endured. My youngest brother seems to be much better now, but my other brother really gets the noticeable tics and he's very anti-social and unable to handle stress very well. But I have hope for them.
My sister on the other hand is a hot mess and the reason I'm even writing this right now. She's 21. Throughout highschool she flunked classes and was lazy and immature. When she graduated she wasn't any better,but my parents never hold their own when it comes to discipline. I used to get seriously verbally abused and hit when I was in trouble, but my sister has never had to answer for herself or her actions. She got caught with marijuana and my parents just basically gave her a slap on the wrist and made it seem like there was nothing they could do.
Well last year she got herself pregnant from her barely legal boyfriend and now they are both here living in our parents house with their baby. While he is adorable, she uses him as a crutch to get out of cleaning up after herself, the messes she makes with the baby's things, and her boyfriend. My mom is letting her boyfriend drive her car to school and work. They are both really immature and messy. My parents don't want to make any demands of my sister to be more clean because they fear she'll leave with the baby.
But they support her finacially and the baby and provide a car for them to use.
I am in school trying to get top grades to impress my counselors so I have the best chances at succeeding and I come home to bottles filled with rotten milk and mold. I wanted to make myself breakfast and found the baby's bottle station littered with termite feces. When my sister came down I told her she needed to take better care of the baby's bottles and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Why I didn't use them? Mom fed the baby last"...excuse me? Is that not her child's bottles and nipples?
I literally blew up at her and told her she need to get her ish together because bottles, dirty diapers, dirty baby clothes ARE HER responsibility as his mother. We ended up really having a show down and she thought I was calling her a bad mom and wanted to punch me out, but I wasn't ....I did call her a dirty mom but not a bad mom. I know she loves her baby, but she doesn't clean up after her little family like she should and I thinks she expects everyone else to pick up her slack.
My parents enable her in her thinking because they continuously tell my brothers and I that we need to "help" my sister and her boyfriend clean..um no. That's thier baby, their responsibilty, and their mess. Her boyfriend is very immature as well and if he's not at school or work he's playing his xbox and making messes for my sister to pick up...only she doesn't.
As we've gotten older I realize my siblings hold alot of resentment towards me because I've always had to be the disciplinarian and voice of reason when my parents failed to do so. They all call me a B***h and call me names because I force them to clean up after themselves and keep things clean.
I've always had the responsibility and burden of taking care of my siblings and myself when my parents were too wrapped up in their own drama. My parents realize this and I think that's why now they don't mind supporting me while I try to get my career going. But I don't think they are doing my sister any favors by enabling her to be immature and shirk her responsibilities. They don't even ask her boyfriend to clean up after himself for heaven sake!
When there is a fight my siblings all gang up against me because they don't like me telling them what to do...but my parents are just as unclean and my siblings and expect to be picked up after as well...and my parents always make me feel like I'm always in the wrong...am I in the wrong here? I know its not easy raising a baby but I've seen women raise multiple children with no problem cleaning up messes and making sure things are sanitary and she only has one baby. I don't mind helping but she really needs to grow up and realize that THIS is why its hard being a young mom. The responsibility is endless and exhausting...right?
Re: Dysfunctional Family
You are a lone voice crying in the wilderness here. My advice? Step back. You are enabling too, tho you don't realise it. You are the one holding it all together, and actually taking responsibility for everybody. This lets them stay in their feckless child place. Just check who has the worry lines in the family. It is time you started to gather yourself up in preparation for beginning your own life. The only thing i would do would be to quietly protect the baby from disease. As for the rest, let them get on with it. Wall off your own stuff, drop the mother role. It is time to take care of yourself, you have done your bit, well and truly. Sera
Re: Dysfunctional Family
I agree with Seraph. You need to be responsible for yourself. You are not everyones mom. I know it will be hard to do so but, it needs to be done. They might even expect you to take care of everything too. They might even get mad at you for not taking care of them anymore, I can see that happening. Get your school done, get a job and move out as soon as possible. Stay strong.
Re: Dysfunctional Family
Coming from someone who has lived with other family members... Sometimes it's easier to love someone from a distance. Some people never change, you need to remove yourself from the situation.
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