11-21-2000, 08:10 PM
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|  Thanksgiving Dinner
Sent to me by a friend. Does it sound close to home? Quote: There's Been A Change in Plans for Thanksgiving!!!!
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you
in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've
made a few small changes:
Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a
trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming
lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with
the swags of Indian corn and Fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead,
we've gotten involved in the decorating by tracking in colorful Autumn
leaves from the front yard. The mud is a delightful clay color...added by our
cat DOOOOG!
The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or
crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match, and everyone
will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the
plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas. Our
centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised.
Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from
the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey!
As accompaniment to the children's recital (neighbors!), I will play a
recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own
a recording of tribal drumming, or that the tribal drumming sounds
suspiciously like a frozen Turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them ~ they are
lying.
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start
of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also
decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds,
please gather around the table and sit where you like!!!
Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in
front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our
dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress private; meaning: Do not, under ANY circumstances, enter the kitchen
to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my
progress. I have an ELECTRIC knife! The turkey is unarmed; it stands to
reason that I will eventually win! WHEN I do, we will eat!
Oh, and one final reminder : For the duration of the meal, and especially
while in the presence of you diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its
lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. Be forewarned: Cheese Sauce stains.
Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice
between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional
pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will
still have a choice: take it or leave it! Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving! She probably
won't come next year either! For this, we are all thankful!
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[This message has been edited by junglecurry (edited 11-21-2000).]
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