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-   -   OUT OF CONTROLL (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/personality-disorder/122236-out-controll.html)

blue cloud 09-13-2002 06:52 AM

OUT OF CONTROLL
 
hi i have a borderline personality disorder and it would be nice to have some people to relate to how i am currently feeling
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif[/img]

i have read up on what my diagnoses is and i fit into the catorgory pretty well but i get so confused as to what is my disorder and what is ME

or am i just my disorder?

i have so may self distructive behaviour that i dont even know how to start working on them

antone else feel this way?

love and bubbles blue
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

Fuzzy Bear 09-13-2002 04:31 PM

Hi Blue,

I'm sorry that you're struggling :(

I haven't been diagnosed with BPD although I think that I might have sometimes exhibited some of the behaviours when I have been very distressed (sorry about the technical words... I'm not sure how best to express this...)

Do post back if you want to, and I will try to help. I will be around off and on for a while...

love
Fuzzy [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]



[This message has been edited by Fuzzy Bear (edited 09-13-2002).]

Fuzzy Bear 09-13-2002 04:56 PM

Blue, I've just had another thought. I did an on line test for personality disorders, and I did come up quite high for BPD, although I was at the time reading some of the messages on another bb, and a lot of the people there who had depression scored high for borderline disorder, avoidant disorder, dependent disorder, and probably some others... I have also read that the PD's do overlap quite a bit... so if you want to, do post back, and I hope that I can help a bit... I'm only writing this additional message in case my original message sounded a bit offputting, although I don't expect it did (not that much anyway (lol) [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif[/img] [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif[/img] [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif[/img]

love and hugs
Fuzzy

Hope you're feeling a bit better...thinking of you, Blue [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

I certainly don't think that you are just your disorder, you're a wonderful caring person, and I'm sure that you will get through this (even though it might not sometimes feel that way when you are feeling particularly bad) [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

I also have sometimes felt that I didn't know where to start with working on my problems, and sometimes I still do feel that way. But the only thing to do, I guess, is to break down the really bad times into getting through the day hour by hour, and minute by minute, and going from there...

You've taught me a lot already, Blue, although we haven't known each other long. We can help each other get through this. And so can all the others on the boards...



[This message has been edited by Fuzzy Bear (edited 09-13-2002).]

psychosmurf317 09-13-2002 07:13 PM

My old doctor said she thought I had BPD but never really said much on it afterwards, so I had to research it for myself, and everything I've seen describes me.

While sometimes it gets incredibly frustrating being the way I am, it also seems to help sometimes, knowing why I am the way I am.

As your subject line said, I've been feeling very out of control lately, with some very bad mood swings, that change in a matter of minutes.

My family doctor is putting me on Prozac, but since I don't have insurance or anything, it may be a bit before I can get it. :(

I'd love to chat with you anytime.

-Tonya

blue cloud 09-14-2002 03:13 PM

thankyou both for replying
:)

i am feeling so useless at the moment and i dont post much as i think that when i am low people just get board of me saying the same thing over and over again
:(

yet i know that soon i will be bouncing off the ceeling and bleaching the kitchen at 1 AM

but what goes up must come down
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif[/img]

i was at a theraputic community for 4 months for people with PD's but it made me worse

i dont think the nightmare will ever end

love and bubbles blue

sorry for moaning and thanks for listening
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

Fuzzy Bear 09-14-2002 04:53 PM

Hi Blue,

You don't bore anyone here [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]
It's not long since you left the therapeutic community. Hang in there, Blue, things will get better. Although I do know what you mean about therapy making you worse I think... it's as if it opens a can of worms... I don't really know what I'm talking about here, as I don't know what happened at the therapeutic community, but I do think that some types of therapy can sometimes make things seem worse before they get better. You will feel better Blue. I know that it might be hard to believe right now,
but you are a survivor, and you will get through this, and come out happy. When you get the right meds for you, you'll feel so much better...

We're here for you, Blue, we'll hold you up. Try to imagine warm arms around you, keeping you safe...

((((((((((((((((((((Blue))))))))))))))))))))

love
Fuzzy [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]



[This message has been edited by Fuzzy Bear (edited 09-14-2002).]

blue cloud 09-15-2002 05:02 AM

i just read your message fuzzy and you made me cry you dont know how much it means to know that there are people out there who understand
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

i was told that i would get worse before i got better in therapy but i couldnt afford to get worse as i would have ended up dead
:(

so i decided to leave i now have 1-1 therapy with my CPN for an hour once a week but i am sure i am messing it up and getting it all wrong

sorry i am moaning again

how is you therapy going?
thankyou again it means so much

let me know how you are getting on

love and bubbles blue
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

Fuzzy Bear 09-15-2002 12:56 PM

Hi Blue,

I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time :(
But I'm glad that I helped, cos believe me, I do understand [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]
I hope that the therapy with your CPN goes well. It might just be me, but I don't think that there is (or should be!) any "wrong" way when you are having therapy... it's you and how you are feeling that is important.

I'm not doing too bad... I'm not seeing a therapist at the moment, but I'm seeing a Psychiatrist for meds who also does a bit of therapy for some people (I think that I mentioned that I have a friend who sees him every 2 weeks on the NHS...)
The Psych I am seeing is quite good and he doesn't mind if I ring him occasionally if I'm feeling particularly bad...
There isn't much therapy available on the NHS in my area for most people...
I'm thinking about seeing a therapist privately, but to be honest, my experience with my last therapist put me off a bit...

Let me know how you are getting on. I check the boards most days...

Love and hugs
Fuzzy [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

blue cloud 09-15-2002 01:11 PM

thanks fuzzy :)

i am sorry you had a bad expierience with your last therapist but all the breeds of therapists are different lol sorry sometime i find it hard to see them as people its nicer to see them as fluffy puppies?

what area are you in i think it is quiet difficult to get therapy in sussex too thats why i am just having sessions with my CPN

but i hope things go well in your search for the perfect breed :D

let me know how you get on

love and bubbles blue
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

Fuzzy Bear 09-15-2002 10:50 PM

Hi Blue,

LOL @ fluffy puppies :D

Mine was an [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/alien.gif[/img] or perhaps a Rottweiler [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif[/img]

I live in London Zoo :p

[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif[/img]

I live in the South of England but I'm too paranoid about people in the 3D world recognising my posts to say more at the moment :eek:

love
Fuzzy [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

Fuzzy Bear 09-15-2002 10:54 PM

[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif[/img]

That was fuzzy trying to be funny. Not too good huh [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif[/img]

Good luck with your boyfriend/fiance [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

Let me know how things go,
love
Fuzzy :p

blue cloud 09-16-2002 02:03 PM

thats ok i am sorry if you thought i was being nosey to ask?

mmmmmmmm i have therapy with my cpn tommorrow but i kinda go into the dittatched state where i havnt got a clue about anything and just sit there for an hour going

"i dont know"

"i dont know"

"i really dont know"

lol she must get so board of me.
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif[/img]
my ex-fiance said he would take me back which is great and i was so scared of being rejected by hime even though when i was goin through a really bad patch i rejected him a million times or more mad or what.

the engagement is still off but fingers crossed things go smoothly [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif[/img]

so how you then fuzzster?
:D
love and bubbles blue
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

Fuzzy Bear 09-16-2002 03:59 PM

Hi Blue,

I didn't think you were being nosey, I live in Berkshire. I'm like you - I think that people will run if I tell them much about me :(
I appreciate you writing back!

I did ring up the CPN's locally, and they said that I could have 8 sessions, but I'm not sure that would help much, as it takes me ages to trust someone enough to open up for one thing.

That's great about getting back with your ex-fiance. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif[/img] He must really love you, so that is great [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

What breed of puppy is your CPN :)

How are things Bluebubbles?

love
Fuzzy [img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

Fuzzy Bear 09-17-2002 05:13 PM

Hey Blue,

Hope things went ok with your CPN today. I've read about people who don't say anything at all :eek: sometimes in their sessions with their therapists.

I have heard that CPN's are usually kind and understanding. I hope that yours is. I don't know how long you've been seeing her for but I'm sure that they know that it can be hard for people to talk ;)

Love
Fuzzy

[This message has been edited by Fuzzy Bear (edited 09-17-2002).]

blue cloud 09-18-2002 07:31 AM

thank you :)

i had a session with my labrador pup and it went really well i was in a really good space and for the first time in therapy i finally unraveled something i now understand a little why i never complete anything
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/idea.gif[/img]


and we decided before i did anything on impulse i was to do ABC
A:action
B:behaviour
C:consiquence
which sounded great till i went home and didnt do ABC and nearly ended up with stitches

i havnt told her what happened i am afraid she will be dissapointed :(

i have known my cpn for about a year and a half and she is a very kind puppy lol
:D

i have the same problem as you when it comes to trusting people
do you not have a CMHT?
if you do then you should be able to get therapy with a member of your team?

i am seeing my dr next week and i should really tell him whats been going on but it is hard because my dr has recently changed so it the whole trust thing all over again know what i mean?
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif[/img]
do you have a good support network of friends and family?

sorry i am not being nosey just want to help
[img]http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif[/img]

love and bubbles from the blue camp



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