what can I do??? - Personality Disorder Message Board

sampsoki · 11-10-2002, 11:23 AM

Okay...advice please...my "daughter" is 21 & in her first relationship with a guy ever. He is 22. She is an untreated dependent personality disorder. She left to move in with him after 6 weeks...she now has cut off all ties to me & her brother & sisters. She still hasn't contacted any of her friends to tell them where she is.
He was very charming at first...but then I started to see some of his true colors. He was dating a girl for 4 years, saw "my daughter", decided "he wanted her" broke up with his girlfriend, (promise ring on her finger) and started dating my daughter a week later...INTENSE RELATIONSHIP right from the start...he insisted. He is a total narcacist, controls her totally, makes all her decisons & does all her talking for her. She has no car, (HE drives her everywhere) no money, they live way out in the country, she is alienated from everything except him & his family (they live with his mom & dad-who are total religious freaks & trying to convert her). He has a history of beating up his brother & hitting his horses...although I don't think he has hit her....at least not yet. They are spreading rumors that I have abused her, which is not true at all! But he has convinced her somehow that this is true. She "thinks" this is love to be so dependent & submissive to him...
what do i do? she is giving up her whole life to this guy?? i want to get her help, meds & counseling..or she will be miserable all her life, and not living her life, but his.
HELP?? Any suggestions?? PLEASE??

Deb47 · 12-02-2002, 07:20 PM

Hi, Sampsoki. My prayers are with you. I went through a similar situation with my daughter (two such situations, matter of fact). The people my daughter hooked up with were not abusive; but they were very controling. It really hurt me. My daughter rarely came by to see us; and when she did, she was always in a mad rush. It was frustrating to me, as the people my daughter was with never gave up their families. Both relationships broke up, thank God. I have sat and talked about it to my daughter: I told her how hurt we were, when she cut us off like that, with both relationships. I pray she won't get into another such relationship again. We never spent any time with her last summer at all: never longer than a few minutes. The first relationship she caught the person cheating on her. This last time, the person told her to get out; then they found someone new right away. I've also told my daughter that these controlling relationships are not a sign of love at all. Its a very bad sign, in more ways than one, I think. Anyway, good luck: I hope your daughter will get free of that person. Deb47