DESPERATE FOR HELP - Personality Disorder Message Board

Glimmer · 01-16-2003, 01:34 AM

Thank goodness I found this board!!!! I found it while looking for information about l-theanine. I'm sorry but I know this is going to a bit long, but will try to keep it short and since I'm from little country town...talking to people here is pointless..I've tried lol.

I'm mom to a 28 month old. Very smart and gets into tons of stuff. I had postpartum depression soo bad and finally went when my kid was 9 months to my ob/gyn. He put me on 5mg of prozac and it didn't work for me...feel like it ran me crazy, I would lie in bed at night and my mind was racing so bad from one thought to the other. I have been very skeptical about going back to a Dr. for help due to the fact that my ob/gyn thought I was experiencing postpartum depression and didn't want to leave the house because and I QUOTE "you may not like to get out and are a little depressed because you baby is so white" LMAO, because I'm in an interracial marriage and my daughter does look white even though I'm not. He's an Indian doctor, so it didn't outrage me too bad.

Now on to now. I feel like I'm totally flaking out. I can't remember anything hardly. I feel like I'm living in a fog. I hate everyone around me except for my family and close relatives. I feel like any one who tries to be my friend is doing so with harm in mind and won't even give them a chance. When I go into public places I feel like the place is closing in on me and become very ill. I can't get to sleep without a sleeping pill but I'm tired and ran down. Some days I'm happy go lucky and the next day I feel like if my child gets into one more thing I'm gonna run off and leave her with hubby.

When I'm happy I'm happy, but when I'm mad I'm mad. I do credit myself though when it comes to punishing my child. If I'm extremely mad I just usually scream at her to stop and don't spank her. I only spank when I feel I'm not mad.

It has been rough being a mom for me and I feel that with each year I'm literally starting to fade away and each day is foggier. She still doesn't sleep through the nights yet and was always awake as a newborn. It has been so bad that we've decided no more kids. I love her dearly and I'm not at all blaming her for this. I breastfeed for 16 months and I think that stirred up some hormones or something. I don't know, but I haven't been the same since. Also lucky me has a hubby who is on second shift and has been the entire time, so it's me alone.

I can't remember things people tell me and I can't remember simple words lots of times... My sex drive is either in super high mode or look at me in that way and I'm gonna curse ya out.

There's lots more but I don't want to blind you guys with all of the reading. Could someone please tell me what you think. I'm opting for alternative meds because I don't have time to pay one of our backwoods Dr.s to tell me something stupid.

Thanks alot for this board

tinker300 · 01-16-2003, 11:44 AM

hi, i don't know how much insight i can offer but i can relate to some extent. I was diagnosed with bpd at 16, i am now 29 and have never received any adequate treatment. i am very moody from day to day, more so than most people i work with or encounter. i don't have much patience or tolerance for many things and anyhow, i know that something is going on with me, but noone has been able to give me an updated/accurate diagnosis. i think i still have bpd but don't really know. hang in there, in the mean time you should consult with another doc, don't give up on treatment.

Glimmer · 01-16-2003, 03:59 PM

I'm just happy I've at least found someone to talk to. I'm going to get some l-theanine for sure. It seems to be working wonders for some folk.

Sad thing is Tinker, in this small town, there are few doctors to choose from. Most don't want to diagnose you because they think EVERYONE is just after drugs. My hubby's back was hurting sooo bad and I called my family practitioner to get an appointment and they had the nerve to say, we don't prescribe pain meds on the first visit. I went off and said we could care less about pain meds we just want to find out what's wrong. Soooo, I told them to just forget it and I MADE him go to a chiropractor at of town who found out his hip had been out of socket for about 2 years and he had a badly pinched nerve. He had 2 bad curved spots in his back, but the chiro has straightened them out after about 15 trips. Point is that the dope addicts have made it next to impossible for those us here who need help to get it.

I personally can't even tolerate beer, let alone meds I don't need. Beer depresses me severely by the way so I stir clear.

I took myself off the prozac my gyno prescribed after a couple months and would definitely like to aim for the natural approach. If that doesn't help me any, I'm going to make an hour trip out of town to a bigger place where someone can help me.

I hope we BOTH get ourselves worked out. I just want to wake up and enjoy each day the way I did 5 years ago. I'm 26 by the way and tell everyone I feel more like 66 lol.

Thanks for replying to me and if you ever need to vent or talk I'm around

Kaitie · 01-16-2003, 04:29 PM

I'm at school and inbetween classes - so this has to be short.

Maybe you should look into anxiety aswell - the whole thing about things closing in on you when you are in public ect. ect.

Please take care. Oh, and not all doctors are idiots -maybe you should try again - look into it a little more.

Kaitie

tinker300 · 01-20-2003, 12:21 PM

Glimm, thanks for acknowledging me, i don't usually get a response from anyone. well, who knows if anything is really "wrong" with us. sometimes i think that this is just me, i mean, there isn't anyone else out there like you or me. i don't think i would actually be to crazy about a mind altering drug, that is if in fact i am diagnosed with bi polar..oh, i probably didn't mention this in my last email, but my doc wants me to see a specialist to rule out this this disorder. as far as bpd is concerned, that has not been dicussed in years, so who knows. it scares though to be put on something that is going to change the way i behave and think, i don't know if i really want this, plus i like to drink from time to time and that wouldn't mix well at all with meds, so i have to determine whether i am at the breaking point and so far i am not, i have a pretty good handle on life for now so until i get to be at rock bottom again, i will probably wait for any meds, i would like to see what they think of me though, it would be interesting. well, gonna get going Glimm, write me if you wanna discuss anything...hey how do you put in a smiley face!?