Desperate for Help! Am I BPD? - Personality Disorder Message Board

chevelle · 02-05-2003, 07:24 PM

If you have been diagnosed with BPD, please help me! I can't find any "diagnosis test" online...Here's my story... I am 18, and have felt really bad for about 5-6 years...I assumed that I was "depressed", and was diagnosed as such at the age of 15. There is more too it than that though. In the few dating relationships I've had, I go from total infatuation to total hatred overnight, leading to short, unfulfilling relationships. I have a poor sense of my identity, fluxuating from wanting to be a redneck with a huge truck to a thug with a lowrider...I have a very poor self-image...I have transient thoughts of suicide...I compulsively look at pornography, even though I despise it, and I compulsively eat very unhealthy foods, although I know they are harmful... My mood changes from the depths of darkness, to anger, to happiness, to enlightenment, and around it goes...I feel empty and "spaced out", and sometimes question reality. I have intense anger inside of me, but I am able to control the outward signs of it. I've never been in a physical fight, I rarely break things in a rage, but I sometimes doubt my level of control...Only fear of consequences stops me...I don't perform self-injury, although I have punched brick walls before, slapped myself, etc...so I guess I have performed self-injury... I have trouble with friendships, feeling like I like someone one day and hate them the next...I don't hold back my words from people, unless the consequences are more trouble than it's worth...I remain silent with my frustration often, though...I am afraid of being alone, although I most times keep to myself and am alone most of the time...I don't like most people, and am thoroughly disgusted when someone is not as intelligent as I would think they should be...The smallest imperfections in other sets me off...My feelings are extremely inconsistant...Emotions range from despondency, to hatred (of self and others), to arrogance, to great anxiety, etc... I have memory problems, short and long term...Trouble sleeping......Those of you who may know, do I have Borderline Personality Disorder?! I am afraid to go to the doc and ask because I am convinced that I do, and I almost would not take no for a diagnosis...Please, though, give me your honest assessment, if you have one...THANKS A MILLION, chevelle

curious_me · 02-07-2003, 01:51 AM

I am also 18 and was diagnosed with depression at the age of 16. I have now been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and it is a struggle. You do not have to have all of the symptoms to be Borderline just 5 or more. Therefore the fact you dont self injure regularly or get into physical fights does not mean you dont have it. I would go and get an ivaluation from a psychiatrist. BP can be treated and there are very helpful coping skills to be learned.
I know I didnt answer your question as to whether I think you have it or not but it really is much more complicated. Trust me when I say its worth it about bringing the idea up with your doctor.
Good luck!