Do I Have BPD? - Personality Disorder Message Board

matty16 · 04-16-2003, 04:46 AM

Hi, i live in england and i'm in my first year of college.I've had a history of problems with bullying and making/keeping friends.Anyway, thats getting better cos i no linger get bulled and i am starting to make friends.But Everyday i go though these silly thoughts which i carnt control.Thinking i'm not good looking and then thinking i am the next day, confusion of who i am and if people like my personality.If i'm bored say when i'm eating my toast i will make a film in my mind, mainly a war scene or a hijacked plane.I will acted the film out in my head makeing it up as i go along.I have freinds at college but i dont know how to act around them, its like a worry that they dont like my personality or they think i dont have one.I always look at other peoples personalty and wish i had one like theres if its an idle like a popular person at college or work.E.g i dont know if i want to be the funny kind of person, the brainy 1, the charming 1 or the good looking 1.Its a really weird feeling and i need someone to understand what it is i'm feeling so they can give me advice.Is it BPD or is it somthing else.Thanks

chiron · 04-16-2003, 06:14 AM

Sounds like you have a more sensitive mind than the average person. Are you generating these self-reflective thoughts as introspection, or is your mind acting as a screen introjecting and reflecting on the thoughts of others around you?

I think obsessive compulsive thoughts are akin to cluttering the attic and basement with an overload of needless items of self possessiveness-possession as useless possibilities. A borderline personality might be akin to about face and in self-defense, an "on-guard" boundary-line attitude of fending off the seemingly agressive threats of others.

Find out more about your-self by researching the Jungian personality assessment test. This is a good place to start if you are interested in self-analysis.

matty16 · 04-16-2003, 06:52 AM

Thanks for your reply

I think my mined acts like a screen.Although you've answered some of my questions, but i still do not know wot it is and wots wrong with me if anything.
Could someone else out there put there view into this as i'm having troble understanding the last post altough i know your trying to help with is great.

Thanks again

zuzu8 · 04-16-2003, 01:46 PM

Matty- it's zuzu yet again!
I think it would be good to stay on the "Open To All Topics Board" where you already posted and have a lot of responses...and keep the thread going there. Otherwise we're going to lose track of you, although I do understand posting in as many places as possible, hoping to get some answers!
I don't think you have BPD...but I do think you are depressed and anxious and as a result extremely self-conscious. Self-consciousness and worrying about fitting in and what others think of us makes it hard to be ourselves and therefore hard for people to know the REAL you. Why would you want to be like anyone else? I personally would want to know the real MATTY, not a copycat of someone else's "style". You say you're starting to make friends. THEY must like your personality! As I suggested on the other board, it would be so great for you to try to talk to a therapist....There are SO many people who feel unloved, rejected, inadequate...but these are FEELINGS, and so often nothing to do with the reality of a situation. There is nothing ":wrong" with the feelings you have except that they make you so unhappy. A good therapist can help you sort out what's bothering you the most and help you start feeling so much better. You need to talk to a professional, someone who can listen without judging you, who will totally support everything you feel and say, who will make you feel 'safe" and help giude you toward ways of thinking and things to act on that will truly make you feel happier in general and more accepting of yourself in particular. It can actually be freeing and fun. Where else can we talk just about ourselves, non-stop, without being censored for a whole hour???? See you back on the Open To All Topics Board!
zuzu
P.S. The film you make up in your head when you are bored is not abnormal at all. Lots of people do this. Creative people "daydream". The the ACT of daydreaming is fine... Does it calm you? Make you feel good? Then GOOD... It's only a problem if the images you invoke disturb you and you find them interfering in your daily life to the exclusion of all else. That's where a good therapist comes in. You're going to be fine....

villagegal68455 · 04-17-2003, 01:20 AM

matty, you sound as if you are describing me...i constantly wonder what people think of me and if i look okay....one day, i'll look in the mirror and think not bad at all, then the next day i can't believe how my hubby can stand to look at me...and i act this way about everything....am i wearing the right clothes, is my personality good enough, do people like me or are they just pretending...the list goes on and on...just wanted to let you know that you are not alone....i even have a weird obsession with my daydreams....the people i daydream about even have to be wearing the perfect clothes before i'll let the daydream begin....am i a goof or what......