need some insights please! - Personality Disorder Message Board

kay2000 · 07-19-2003, 02:36 PM

Hi, everyone,

I am new to this board. My sister and i lost our parents when we were very young, and survived together going from relative to relative, sometimes being homeless on the street.

My sister and i were constantly compared by those relatives, but we did not have time to get upset about that as we were desperately trying to just survive. Growing up i was so sure that we were invisible to those relatives' eyes. My sister and I have been living in USA for quite sometime, and those who abadoned us started profess how they cared for us, and keep stressing the importance of the blood tie, all the while never admitting their abusive treatment towards us. when i speak of relatives, i mean, my older brother sisters who were all grown up and married at the time of my parents deaths.

So longing for approval, i think, my sister attracted them with the money. Everyone was flocking to her, and this left me feeling so alianated. At first I could not understand why this was happening. They would come here across the ocean and not even call me. I guess I wanted to be part of that illusionary family. When I told them about my feeling, relatives hinted my sister put pressure on them not to call me. My sister said she cannot take the responsibility for their behaviors. I believe both stories. I do believe my siter could have motive to alienate me because she is constantly competing with me.

I now relaize that i need to let these people from my past go. These are dishonest greedy people who would use anything to advance their agenda. I am not so sure about my sister. I know she got eveyone in to this mess. I also know she is very manipulative and displays lots of characteristics of BPD. I think she needs me, and I need her. She appears very strong. My dilemma is that she makes me feel like I am not needed. She makes me feel like I am a reject, and she is doing me a favor by being my friend. She is very abusive towards me. I know it is only an act, but I am not strong and sometimes the doubts makes me feel confused. I only want equal relationship but she keeps putting me on subordinate position. I know it does not matter as long as i know who i am, but it does affect my selp respect. I love her very much because we had been through so much together. I still want to protect her and comfort her. advice anyone?

Moxie75 · 07-23-2003, 05:39 AM

Short and sweet honey..with friends and family like that who needs enemies? Stay away from people places and things that make you feel poorly no matter who they are. You will only get low self esteem from these relationships. Love yourself first and all others that deserve your love will follow...sister or no sister I would be done with her..Good luck, Lisa

kay2000 · 07-24-2003, 11:32 AM

Thanks, Moxie, for responding to my post. Your feedback helps me a lot. I've come to a realization that i need to give up trying to fix things. I have to let go of this wanting to maintain the connection with these people. I know that these people have their own problems and own sufferings. There will always be some sort of relationships, but the very nature of the relationships has to change. I do love my sister. I see her struggling, and i want to be there for her. The people who supposed love us betrayed us when we needed them the most. I don't want to do the same thing to my sister. however, i do need to set a firm boundary with her, and let her know that she cannot abuse me. My relatives should be and would be just that, relatives! I am not going to ask for the love they don't have, and i am not going to let them use me.

Moxie75 · 07-24-2003, 12:06 PM

Keep saying that and you will make it happen..I know i have been there. Now my mom and my relationship is on my terms the way it should be. Be prepared there is a possiblity your sister will never change and you will not have a relationship in the future with her..good luck ,Lisa

------------------
ON THE WAY TO CAPE MAY!!!!!

hoops11789 · 07-26-2003, 09:41 PM

it is people like u that make me realize how lucky i am. i feel like such a selfish brat to even complain once. god bless ur heart and i hope u stay strong.