I am so ashamed of myself - I am MEAN to everyone - especially my boyfriend.
For the past three days (ESPECIALLY FRIDAY) I did nothing but yell at my boyfriend for reason's he didn't deserve. I yelled at my sister - I yelled at my mom.
I am so hurtful. I say something HORRIBLE, like "You don't know about half the stuff you talk about - you just make it up to sound smart - which you aren't" (I said this to my boyfriend for some reason). And then a couple hours later - I say "Oh, sorry about that" but see, the damage has ALREADY been done - and I worry that it's going to take a lot more than "Sorry" to fix all the crappy things I've said over my life time.
How can you fix something like that (which isn't even the half of it - just picture a couple days along the same line...)
Basically I have these nasty temper tantrums - and everyone else suffers - then I want to take all back like it was no big deal.
How could I be so mean? I'm totally hurting the ones I love...and it's not on purpose, I just can't help it for some reason.
Hi Kaitie,
Im in the same boat, youve described me to a T. Yet I think I may be a bit worse, Im very vulgar and very very mean. And I know at the time that its wrong yet its almost like I cant hold it in. Of course, Im now talking 9!!!!!years into it.............SORRY means nothing in my life lol.
Hope to have helped in the fact that your not alone in this one.
I used to be just like that. I would even throw things at times because of my anger. I never hurt anyone and I am thankful for that. I was on meds for four years for depression and in therapy for two and still nothing helped. Since '98 I have been on a mood stabilizer and I think that has made a world of difference!!!!!!!!!! One night before I started on this med, I even got angry enough to take a bottle of pills. That put me in a psych hospital for six months. I credit the mood stabilizers for me still being alive.
Thank you for posting...I'm glad I found someone who can relate. I too have done irrational things to MYSELF when I get super upset. I often SI when I get super upset or else super angry.
Do you feel really DRAINED sometimes after an upsetting day? I mean, sometimes I wake up an feel as If I've spent the night RUNNING the boston marathon or something - I'm that drained...
I've been really really mean lately too. The abuse has been toward my boyfriend. He's soo good to me. And I yell at him everyday.
One time we were at Taco Bell and he was playing around and threw a un-opened packet at me. And someone saw, and I just flipped!! I threw my burritto all over his nacho's so he couldnt eat then I made him take me home. And when we got in the car, I turned the radio up really really loud and he turned it down and I started screaming at him to stop. So he tryed to grab my hand and he said sorry, but I was soo mad and I didnt even know why. Sometimes I tell him to get off me cuz he's smothering me. and I can see the hurt on his face. One day, I said something soo mean to him that he got up to leave and I grabbed him and turned him around and he was crying and THEN I started laughing.
Afterwards, I started crying he forgave me, but I wish I could stop.
How do you guys stop freaking out?
And yes, I feel soo drained afterwards.
I am so MEAN! 
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