Hello I'm New - Personality Disorder Message Board

dizzielizzie · 09-10-2003, 10:43 PM

Hello everyone...I'm new to this. I'm a college student and have been diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar, Social Anxiety, and OCD. It's real tough to figure things out sometimes. I have so many problems, I don't know where to start, but I joined this group mainly to get support because I feel like most people don't understand me. My last doctor couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and since everyone thinks I'm so manipulative and "gamey" I have been told that I have BPD since I was 15 (even though it's hard to diagnose it then, I know). I come from an abusive family background. My father abandoned my family when I was 13. Since then, I have been an extreme over-achiever to win his love. Relationships are extremely difficult for me. I can't get close to people, yet I want them to love me all the time, unconditionally (unless I'm irritable or are mad at them). I have intense mood swings that range from irritability to having tons of energy and racing thoughts to debilitating despair. I'm sick of taking medicine although I know I need it. I frustrate every one who is close to me, which is why I feel that nobody understands me. I feel all alone in the world sometimes, which is very hard. I take rejection very harshly, and if I'm not perfect, well I can't tolerate that. I don't know why I simply can't be happy. Everything seems to require more effort for me than for anyone else. I tell everyone that I don't think it's fair and that people are mean to me. Well, one of my friends said that I am manipulative and that I need to stop telling people that they are mean because it makes me look immature. I've had four hospitalizations in the past year, which has really sucked. Sometimes, I just don't feel like I'll ever get my life back together. Do any of you guys ever feel like this? I just want to be happy but in my experience I have found that happiness is most elusive. At least for me anyways. I take Abilify and Depakote which seem to be helpful when I actually take them. Let's see..what else should you know about me? I am just an intensely hypersensitive person and everything in the world seems to set me off. Well, I look forward to getting to know all of you. I hope that we can support each other.

Lizzie

ivy2002 · 09-16-2003, 06:45 PM

hi lizzie

just saying hi to you, im dx bpd for now but im in college also, whats your major? its my 3rd year but im still trying to get through school some how lol

take care
ivy

09-16-2003, 06:57 PM

Hey Lizzie, welcome to healthboards

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~*~ Kristy ~*~

mistyone · 09-16-2003, 08:34 PM

hi lizzie...... sounds like they gave you DX a little bit of everything out of the DSM4! what field are you going into in college? you have to change your mindset lizzie. 4 hospitaliations in one year is alot...try not to place too much emphazies, on what you cant do but on instead what yo CAN DO!!!!! think positively here dear and try to get into some kind of support group for yourself. when thingss overwhelm you in college, like there is alots of pressure to get homework and reports done and dating and time management....try to budget your time well to make sure that you dont take on more than you can handle responsibily at one time, and lots of people here have BPD and depression etc, but you can become a success at anything that you want to do in life it is just mind over matter....if you dont mind, then it doesnt matter!!!! LOL
let us try to rise above the tags that other well meaning professionals have placed upon us and think with a postive mental attitude. Even when you feel you cant take things anymore, that is when you need to go into your soul and pull out a spare back up plan for yourself to put into action. only you can help you..no one else even if you are hospitalized 10 times in one year, they cant help you only you can help you..lots of people have had lousy parenting and lousy family life myself included but it is your life now and not theirs, one day you will have to forge your own family and raise your kids if you have any the way you want to with out outsiders to tear you down if that means you have to let go some of your family relationships for you to have a healty mind set then you should figure it out..some people have to let old negative people out of their lives in order to make room for the new more positive people to come in as one door closes another one opens up dont bethe family 'patient' anymore like i was made to be whereas all the family problems were 'caused by me or blamed on me'....keep yourself busy so that you do not have time to think about disturbing thoughts, and for heavens sake dont be anal retentive..let some of the old stuff go and move onto a new life which includes pro social things in your community////

[This message has been edited by mistyone (edited 09-16-2003).]