Redhead23

Hi,

My friend is around 30 and has been in therapy for depression etc. since she was about 15. She's quite creative and reads/writes a lot and is a nice, intelligent lady really but she seems literally obsessed with *wanting* to be ill. I understand that depressive feelings can often remain hidden and I do believe that she is truely unhappy and has some issues (parents never really showed her love and are v. cold towards her, she has panic attacks and rarely leaves the house) but the way she is acting makes it look like she's hopping from one problem to the next and looking up stuff just so she can add new illnesses to he repertoire. I mean we've all got problems and I myself suffer from panic attacks, anxiety, insecurities and social phobias but that doesn't mean I have to give up working on myself, lie down and demand to be card for and expect people to feel sorry for me!

She sometimes "cuts" herself, now I know people who self-harm generally don't do it "for attention" but when someone just barely scratches their skin and then puts huge bandages on, then constantly slips back their sleeves to make sure everyone can see the bandages (hoping for them to go "Aaw have you cut yourself again?"), or proudly showing off some little pattern they scratched into their arm (and I do mean scratched and not cut, it rarely bleeds!), then is that really self-harm in the traditional sense?

She has suffered from eating disorders for a while but again yes she is a compulsive overeater (and a lot of compulsive other things, she buys lots of clothes, food etc. and then gives it all away), but she constantly keeps trying to act like she's bulimic or anorexic (she eats vegetables for one day and suddenyl she's "anorexic" again, or throws up once and then is "bulimic" again - this never lasts more than a day or two but she has to tell the world whenever it does happen).

She once told me that she wished she had leukemia, so she could just "grow weaker and thinner" and "everybody would love her and care for her in hospital".

She often looks up psychiatric and medical problems and starts acting like she has them, usually nothing serious though.

She used to have a great job with a good wage but she never liked working and constantly kept going on about how she wished she would get disability payments so she'd never have to work again in her life. well, a friend told her about 5 years ago how she filled in her questionnaire (at a therapist's) to get diagnosed as BPD, so my friend practiced and got the diagnosis.

As soon as she was diagnosed she committed herself to a mental asylum for 4 months and has not worked since (she pocketed sick pay for about half a year until she decided she would not return to her job) and is now on disability, living in a fancy flat that her mom bought as an "investment", rent-free. She spends all her money on clothes, food, occasionally going out (she does not like being out of her home though) and books, she barely has any friends and spends a LOT of time sitting at home on her own doing pretty much nothing (well, watching TV, eating etc.).

Her main problems seem to be that she's very impulsive, has grand schemes and ideas (like writing a book, starting an education etc.) that she starts and never finishes, she's also compulsive and keeps doing too much of everything. She keeps going from therapist to therapist because once a therapist does not agree with her own analysis of herself (i.e. what she WANTS to be DX'd as) she starts complaining about him/her and then finds herself another terapist.

She demands cosntant attention from therapists and does not understand that they have their own lives and can NOT always be there to hold her hand whenever my friend feels a little down. She refuses to take ANY responsibility for her life and her actions and expects (demands?) everyone to care for her, always be there for her and continuously tell her what a poor soul she is. On the other hand she refuses to actually take any medication (even herbal/natural things like valerian, kava kava, St John's wort etc.) or do any exercises etc. that are recommended to her and that might help her, always coming up with yet another excuse why she can't do/use a particular treatment. Occasionally she will go to the Psychiatric ER and stay for a night and get valium but she does not take any medications on a rgular basis, even though it has been recommended to her repeatedly (by doctors/therapists etc.).

I know she has problems and she is not doing this just to get a free ride, but I also know that she is grossly exaggerating a lot of her problems to get attention.

The thing is - does this sound like BPD? I am asking because she told me that she FAKED the answers to the questionnaire that finally got her the diagnosis (she had never been diagnosed with anything before, in over 10 years of therapy) so I don't know if her therapist just DXd her to give her the label she'd been yearning for and get herself some peace.

Under all the lies and deceptions and excuses, my friend is a generous, witty, creative and intelligent woman. I only see her about once a year (I live in the UK, she lives in Switzerland) and for a week or two she is mostly bearable, but it still pains me to see her waste her life away like that.

Is there any literature you could recommend and has anyone else seen such behaviour before?

Thanks,

Red

[This message has been edited by Redhead23 (edited 08-12-2003).]

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25, female, AS with attentional dysfunction

Inhibited Perfectionist