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Old 07-04-2006, 10:53 PM   #1
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Is my behavior normal?

I have problem with trying to manipulate and control social situations. When I go out I always try to become the most liked person, the center of attention. I feel like I am always trying to prove to myself that I am a cool guy...or the funniest guy. Typically I can win a crowd over very easily and can influence/persuade nearly any person. I sometimes sit down and wonder why I do it. I always get free food, drinks, rides from ppl...and I tend to make my friends angery because I kind of ditch them when we go out. I wonder sometimes If I am narcissitic. I mean I always want to be the coolest person and I want ppl to praise me because I have such a unique personality. WEll anyhow I am going to sleep, but I just wanted some input from you guys. thanks.

 
Old 07-05-2006, 02:39 PM   #2
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

maybe you're histrionic?

 
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Old 07-05-2006, 03:31 PM   #3
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

mcgunther i know exactly where you're coming from. I too often feel the need to be the centre of attention and i quite often am, loving the feeling of being praised as this unique being. Its a buzz, it feels good, but people dont like it in the main. i've read somewhere that bpd (borderline personality disorder) sufferers often ARE the life and soul of the party, but i dont know too much about it. I found out a couple of months ago that my shrink had diagnosed me with this in the past, but he didnt tell me. On the subject of "am i a narcissist", i believe that if you were an extreme narcissist, you wouldnt be worried about it too much. Are you seeing a therapist?

 
Old 07-05-2006, 05:37 PM   #4
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

Yeah I do tend to get a buzz when people tell me I am really funny or whatever. I do think it just becomes annoying to some people, but other's seem to enjoy me a lot. I have been told I am like the comdian Dane Cook. I can improv good, act good, and everything. I have taken abnormal pyschology classes and have found that many actors, singers, musicians have clinical or personality disorders. I have that "needy" feeling to be in the spot light and being praised. I wonder to myself why I act the way I do when I go out. I am only this way when I am drinking. I do tend to feel bad about it and have had several times where I have apoligized to my friends. So maybe I am not narcistic but a histornic or boderline. I have not taken any therapy and not sure if I will. I do however want to be normal.

 
Old 07-05-2006, 05:51 PM   #5
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

I don't mean this in a bad way so don't take it thus. But wth is a normal person? lol I have been looking for the illusive little rabbit and so far he escapes my binoculars. Meaning that most people have some sort of quirk in their nature somewhere even those you might think would never ever have one. Yeap give it time and it will show up. Sorry ot like this. Maybe you could try just enjoying being you as you are....just a thought.
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Old 07-05-2006, 07:00 PM   #6
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That is a good question. IN all actuality I think people that don't have any quirks are less normal than the ones that do. Given how our society uses reintegrative shame and guilt to try to form is into these perfect beings, striveing to keep us away from or inate selfish needs and tendacies. I guess I just have always felt that I am quite a bit different than most...or maybe I just am a bit of an extreme extravert.

Last edited by Mr.G; 07-05-2006 at 07:04 PM.

 
Old 07-06-2006, 05:01 AM   #7
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

you're right. I play music myself and have this wild artistic side and people do like it (unless they're jealous), but speaking for myself, iv'e often taken it a couple of steps too far when drunk and ended up in situations with people, embarrasing and sometimes bordering on hostile. In the past its led to minor fights and the odd arrest for drunk and disorderly, but ive since been able to keep it in check and now im not as much of a t***. What made me change was being confronted about my behaviour and made to feel like an idiot. Im not saying for one second that you'll go in this direction, but if you ever do, the best possible thing you can do is try to step outside yourself for a second and view the way you're acting from someone elses point of view. But if the worst you're doing is entertaining people and showing off a bit then hey.....no worries.

 
Old 07-06-2006, 12:56 PM   #8
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

You are what I call a narcissist with Histrionic features. I am working on a mental health degree and have had some of the best teachers. If I were you I would do research on both of those disorders online. It is not normal behavior. You need to learn empathy is what you need.

I have known people like you and I can gurantee you that your friends hate and resent being ditched. I have been on the other end and it feels like a hot hard slap in the face to be ditched. It is rude, very selfish and awful thing to do to your friends. From my knowledge people who are like you slowly become more and more isolated and dispised by people and before you know it you will be alone or find yourself in the company of enemies.

People like you think you are more special, entitled, grander, and very unique and deserving of more than you really deserve. Your behavior I promise you causes people pain and confusion. They just most of the time may not tell you because they do not trust you or if they do they soon realize you will never change because you are way to selfish and arrogant. Why do you act this way? Do you hate your friends? Do you enjoy knowing that they will get angry? A lot of time people with this disroder like to cause innocent people confusion and frustration and anger. Why would you act that way?

Last edited by strongernow; 07-06-2006 at 01:00 PM.

 
Old 07-06-2006, 02:17 PM   #9
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

Quote:
Originally Posted by strongernow
You are what I call a narcissist with Histrionic features. I am working on a mental health degree and have had some of the best teachers. If I were you I would do research on both of those disorders online. It is not normal behavior. You need to learn empathy is what you need.
strongernow......a narcissist cannot LEARN empathy......

 
Old 07-06-2006, 05:15 PM   #10
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

strongernow, whether or not mcgunther really is a narcissist ( and if he is, i believe that the fact that he's on here asking for help shows he is at least willing to repent), i think that you're letting your personal feelings get in the way ( and i wouldnt make a habit of that.....overly judgmental types tend not to make very good therapists, if thats the line of work you hope to go into when you finish your degree). Ok, so narcissists lack empathy, but that is no reason to let yourself down by showing a distinct lack of empathy for mcgunthers (alleged) condition.

Regards

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Old 07-06-2006, 05:19 PM   #11
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

They could try by practicing how to empathize. Behaviorists think it is about learning behavior that was never modeled to them as Children. Along with empathy is respecting peoples boundaries which have to be taught. People do not empathize beacause it is passed on by awful genetics or bad DNA but it is a personality disorder usually rooted in abusive or negligent parenting. If the parents had taught a person to understand and feel what another feels and reinforce that caring behavior then slowly the person would understand that others need to be respected and have needs and feelings honored. That process is called seperation and differentiation. Healthy people understand all that. People with NPD cannot tell the difference between where one person's mind, self, ego ends and theirs begins. It is a huge complex iritating process of projective identification that is usually initiated by the person with NPD.

I do not think I was judgemental with him. I was being honest. I've done lots of studying on NPD and histrionics. They can cause friends and family a lot of heartache and for what? Just to be the center of attenion? To be praised and admired? These people are like black holes. They can never get enough.

Not only have I had friends with NPD but I had a parent that had NPD and a couple therapists that had NPD that refused to understand that my needs and feelings were different that the ones they held in their mind. Keep this in mind because I am a different person the person with NPD cannot validate, connect, empathize, etc.....It only makes sense that they cannot connect and understand because I am not them...we are two different people. There goal is to devalue you to the point where you are not a unique person but just a person who supplies them with gratification. That becomes your job to give, give, give, and give! They think nothing of you, your feelings, your thoughts, or anybody else. When they do not get it sometimes they rage and fume and get hostile or passive aggressive and blaming and they start up trouble.

Last edited by strongernow; 07-06-2006 at 07:07 PM.

 
Old 07-06-2006, 09:44 PM   #12
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

stonger now, I have to disagree with you on this one. I do understand pyschology quite well and I can see myself through the viewpoints of others. I know I miss percieve things a lot and have been working on that for a while.I am an empathetic person and I do understand other's viewpoints of myself to a certain extent. I like I said earlier have apoligized on several occasions to my friends for my behavior. I do beleive that I have some symptoms of a histornic, like I create drama for myself without even realizeing it, because I miss percieve other peopl'e intentions. I think a lot of it has to with the fact that I have a very hard time trusting people. I know as a child I was a cuddler and have been developed into a co-dependent. I had some bad relationships early on because I was too smoothering. I have a real hard time hugging people, givening people handshakes, and I really dislike it when people touch before I get comfortable with them. I like to make people laugh and feel good about themselves however. But I guess I never really want them to get close to me. I want them to think highly of me, enjoy me, but not get close to me. I don't like people getting close to me because I feel like they just want to use me, then throw me away. A part of me knows that my behavior is creating the reactions I am getting from other people. I reinforce my own beliefs by witnesseing an exploitive action from another wiether intentional or not...

My last relationship I told this girl very early on that I have trust issues and I don't let anyone get close to me. She really liked me and keep pursueing me until she just gave up on me not haveing in trust in her. So deep down I really do not know or am comfortable with myself.......

Last edited by Mr.G; 07-06-2006 at 09:59 PM.

 
Old 07-07-2006, 07:33 AM   #13
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

OK I see. So then this would be less of a narcissistic problem and more histrionic from what it sounds like.

I am a very friendly guy and I like to hug and give high fives at parties. I try to be the life of the party and when people tense up and freak out when I do that and try to disconnect from me it feels like a slap in the face, just utter rejection. So I don't know if I am running into people like you at parties. Not that there is something wrong with you. Does not enjoying other people's company also by not getting too close also have to do with competition or aggression? I have to compete till the very end to get this attention and center of attention thing. I feel like I have to compete just to get noticed at parties and it is very annoying when people do not want to get too close to me including my own friends. Very painful for me

Last edited by strongernow; 07-07-2006 at 07:34 AM.

 
Old 07-07-2006, 09:36 AM   #14
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

it all adds up to the fact that almost everyone at least wants to be loved, even if they dont nescisarily ( i can never spell that word correctly haha) feel the need to be praised and adored (like histrionics and narcissists). To be honest i think nearly everyone on the planet has little bits of different mental disorders that never get diagnosed and dont particularly need to, which is why i have the maybe controversial belief that for every therapist out there who is helping someone, there is another who's messing someone's head up.

p.s sorry to strongernow for mis-interpreting your advice as judgemental, reading your last post you seem like a very reasonable guy.

Cheers

Last edited by tommo26; 07-07-2006 at 09:46 AM.

 
Old 07-07-2006, 09:47 AM   #15
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Re: Is my behavior normal?

I don't think you have total NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) because those people don't realize that they have a problem, and even if they did realize it, they'd never admit it. My biological father has total NPD, and he is the biggest SOB you'll ever meet. You seem to acknowledge that you manipulate people and like to be the center of attention, but as tommo26 said, you feel ready to "repent," and know that you're hurting your friends. I agree with the original statement that you have narcissistic traits combined with histrionic traits, but I don't think you have full-blown NPD or full-blown Histrionic Personality Disorder, either. And strongernow, personality disorders are almost always impossible to cure. Really, BPD is the only one that can be treated effectively because, as you said, they're rooted in childhood and are learned patterns of behavior. Good luck, and God bless!
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Last edited by GatsbyLuvr1920; 07-07-2006 at 09:49 AM.

 
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