I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder since Dec 06' and cognitive therapy has been suggested to me along with my medication. After explaining emotions and thoughts to my pdoc he had mentioned the possibility of BPD but dismissed it as I am not an aggressive person (on the outside). I am not so sure as I can relate to most of the emotion and thought traits associated with BPD.
I would like to know if anyone here has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder but never shown the aggressive side of the disorder. Is it possible to suppress the anger or is it not controllable at all.
Well, I'm in the same boat as you, but I've never had too much relationship trouble. Generally I have good relationships that end for reasons that I understand. But it's Hard for me not to take my anger out on my close friends. I've just gotten in a habit of saying, "I am Angry...Grrr... I love you hold me!" haha the trick is realizing that i am just mad... not mad at them.
So Maybe you have learned a way to cope with your anger that makes it less apparent.
are you a cutter? I'm just asking because it is a fairly typical response, or punishing yourself with excessive, skipping meals? Basically is there anyway that you are turning your anger against yourself.
Thing is with the relationship thing...is I haven't ever been in one. I'm 19 so that's pretty unusual I guess, but I consider myself to completely unattractive so maybe not.
I have 2 close friends but anyone else I know I don't really make the effort to keep in contact. Basically...if they contact me...I'll talk, if not I don't bother. I can get like that with my 2 friends too but that's usually only when I'm on a real downer.
I almost always supress my anger and rarely show it. If it's been builing up though and I lose it with someone....I really blow and it can take a long time before I am ready to forgive. And I never forget.
I do cut yes. I've been asked before why I do it...but I think it's for mixed reasons. I do it when I can't cope with what is going on in my head. Whether it be that I'm angry and can't deal with that feeling, or really upset over something. I do it because it's quieter than screaming the house down but it still allows me to feel some kind of release. I don't know if you'll know what I mean. I don't tell anyone when I've done it so it doesn't hurt or bother anyone else. Other times I do it because I hate myself so much...
x-Bliss-x, i can relate to you so much (by the way, i am 20 years old). *sending out hugs* i empathize greatly.
you are very aware of yourself, and that is key.
i am having a hard time typing, but you don't deserve to punish yourself. i am always resisting the urge to cut myself (doing it right now) but you are a loving person who is in need of loving herself! it is hard for you to accept this fact... this is also a symptom.
i jsut read some of the symptoms of bpd, and it includes needing constant reassurance of self-worth. doesn't that make sense now? you are suffring from an illness dear *hugs* it is tough. this does not mean that you cannot live your life happily and successfully. as a matter of fact, i think you are on the road to recovery.
keep your chin up : ) and keep posting; we are here for each other.
You can absolutely have BPD without obvious anger issues. In fact, as has been correctly (and very astutely) pointed out on this board thus far, such anger is oftentimes manifested differently and latently -- take it from my boy Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, who said that depression is anger turned/directed inward. Feeling depressed at all? Personally, I've found such to be representative of how I experience anger.
Bliss, You can definitely have BPD and not have an aggressive side. I speak from many years of living with this disorder and very rarely being "angry" ~~ at others.
I do, however, suffer with the self-hatred and consequently, hurt myself. My therapist calls what I do "violence" against my body but because I don't care about myself, I don't see it that way, nor do I see it as being aggressive.
I just see it as giving myself what I deserve.
But aggression and anger toward others? Not me.
Loving kindness and compassion to you, Bliss. Take care.
The way I had Borderline explained to me was that it works as an emotion amplifier. Where a balanced person feels a little happey, one with Borderline is estatically bouncing off the walls. The same way with anger, if a balnced person feels a little irritated, one with borderline can explode at the littlest thing. A lot of times it is internalized. Even when I explode in anger, it is never dirested towards anyone other than myself, but if anyone is present it still affects them. When I was younger, I put my hand and feet through soooooo many mirrors, walls doors, etc for any reason. I once threw a chair through a mirror because my hair wouldn't style right. I am soooooooo happy to say that I no longer have an issue controling my anger. The tip is dealing with the little things as they come to me, rather than let them pile up before I snap. I have read that people who have borderline respond to stress with irritablilty, agression and anger a lot of times.
The worst experience I ever had with the anger was one day when I had to go to work. I started crying uncontrollably for NO reason and got so mad at myself for it. It escalated, the more angry I got, the more I cried and panicked. Eventually I snapped and trashed my apartment. I ended up smashing a mirror and cutting my face up because I couldn't stand looking at myself. It was such a relief to feel all of the emotion released from doing it.
Sometimes I cut to relaease or deal with all the over whelming emotions and sometimes, it as punishment, and other times it is because I become so emotionally numb, I need to feel something. I haven't cut in two years and I have FINALLY quit sabotaging my life so much. Sometimes we hurt or punish ourselves with out doing physical harm. When things start going our way whether in love, work, or friendship, we tend to sabotage or push people away because in the back of our minds we feel that we don't deserve it. This may be why you snap on your friends at times. I can't really say, but it could be possible. I always did such self-destructive things but never realized it until I got the therapist I have now. I always thought it was my Bipolar that caused most of my problems. I was actually relieved when I found out what Borderline was. A lot of the things about me that scared me or I hated about me, was actually my illness and not really me. It helped me a lot to accept it and to learn to deal with it.