Is there really such a thing as a compulsive liar. I think my dad is one if there is. I really don't believe anything he tells me. He likes to be the center of attention all the time. since he has retired he is a lot worse. Two years ago he wanted a divorce. then he said he thought he might be gay, then he wanted a harley and a tatoo. (has the harley now, but can't afford the divorce.) He was bragging to me how he was dragging that harely around behind thier camper and how much mom hated it. I got on him and told him I really didn't want to sit here and listen to him bragging about how mean to my mom he can be. Then he flipped the conversation into a sympathy party for him. I wasn't buying it. He ended up telling me that he was malested by two men when he was 13. I pretened to be sympathetic. But, I really don't beleive him. he looks for sympathy in every conversion and usually mom is his vilian. I don't see her as a vilian and he found something else to be a victom of. Could I be wrong??? darn... I can't hardly stand to talk to him anymore.
Even that's not cast in stone. My grandparents were wonderful, a little overprotective of my father after my uncle died at the age of 10, but really caring people.
My father, however, was not a good man and it was a blessing that he left when I was little so that I didn't grow up watching him abuse my mother and run around on her. He did try to tell me that their problems were all her fault the second time I saw him in twenty years after he left (I was 26) at my grandmother's funeral. Mind you I knew nothing of the truth of their situation when I was young. Mother said only good things about my father all the years I was growing up.
The point is, that while generally speaking a person's personality issues/behavior problems might hail back to the relationship with their parents, in many cases it does not. In those cases I think you have to have a professional look for something else significant like a chemical imbalance or another experience that traumatized the person, like in my father's case the death of his little brother.
But then the question is at what point do you make them accountable for their own actions? He still has to know that he is hurting both you and your mother and there are, or at least should be, consequences for his bad behavior. Setting boundaries and establishing consequences for his bad behavior would be a good step in the right direction, but I would suggest that you and Mom get some counseling first on the best ways to go about it. Who knows, it might even help Dad get into counseling after he sees there are limits to what you'll both tollerate.
Also, read books about establishing boundaries and any your counselor may suggest or that others here on the board may know about. Knowledge is power.
And there are always the folks here on the board. I've been raving over my situation with my BPSO lately and Rosequartz and Nexis have really helped me keep it together.
Just don't give up. I know it's hard because he's your father and you love him. Remember: Sometimes love has to be tough. But...Love never fails.
As Rosequartz mentioned people's behaviour can be rooted in their upbringing, yet people tend to adopt their own styles to their biologically rooted temperament. So they can entirely adopt and mirror one parent's style, or inbetween OR, " I am never going to be like mom or dad"....
Also parental style can be a very good indicator as well; even though lets say your grandparents meant well, yet did not provide him with fundamental social skills to what is consider acceptable/ unacceptable in relations to the outside world/other people, they are going to be emotionally stunt.
Bad boundaries in terms of social skills/ obvious human relations set by people's caregivers/ caretaker's is something that is not discussed much, and I know this is something I believe is often overlooked....
YET I think you can get good indication overall how their siblings turned out, and WHAT kind of relationship dynamics they had while growing up, and what they say about each other, and how they treat one another...
Your father sounds like, I can't even describe it, yet he does show Histronic tendencies, yet I know its more than that... Believe me our situation is different it I can see that your father's behaviour in one of my family members actions in different ways...
They are a Basket Case in Warp Twlight Zone - Other can't even fathom what people like you, and others in similar circumstance have to see and put up with...
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