do i have a personality dissorder - Personality Disorder Message Board

travinda · 10-24-2007, 08:57 AM

im mid 30 s, single parent, i had a happy childhood but found it difficult to make friends,
i married at 21 but it was not a happy one, he was very controling, and i suffered mental and physical abuse, the first 6 months were ok but after that there was no support, i wasnt alowed out other than work, and had to be home straight after or it was hell, we had 2 children but he hyrt them as wll, there was no support, or help, i did everything alone, there were no cuddles or comfort, i was entirely alone miles from my family.
after 13 years i found the strength to take my kids and go, he found me, and beat me up worse than ever before, because he wanted us back and i wouldnt listen, it was all part of his control thing and he d lost it,
after 8 months i met a wonderful guy, he was loving, caring, supportive everything i could want, but i found it difficult to relate to him, i wouldnt open up, tell anything bad for fear of regection, he problems of his own, which meant i had to care for him and help him also. he cheated on me on a few occasons, we split but always got back. its like id put up with anything just to keep him. i loved him so much but i just couldnt give him space, he was so distant and horrible to me at times, but i couldnt let go, i even lied to cover mistakes i had made, in order to keep him. i get severely depressed and just need that contact with him weater its good or bad, we were getting on slowly, nice e mails etc then i didnt hear for 1 day and i thought allsorts and brought something up which caused a major arguement by e mail, and now we dont even speak. we went through so much together, i had the worst of him and feel gutted someone else would get the good side.
friends tell me im obsessed, or a depentant personality, i dont know?

Seraph · 10-24-2007, 09:18 AM

It would be very strange if you didn't have relationship problems with your past history. It seems to me that you are just very afraid of being hurt, and this has led to your being a dependent person. I don't agree with labelling yourself, but I do think that you would benefit greatly from some counselling. It is very hard to deal with trauma and the stress from it by yourself. I also think that if you posted in the PTSD forum on this board, you will find some wonderful helpful souls there. Cheers, Sera

rosequartz · 10-24-2007, 09:21 AM

you sound co-dependent.
read the book co-dependent no more
co-dependents meet everyone elses needs to the exclusion of their own.
they will stay in a relationship no matter what.....
you need to break this cycle.

rosebuddy · 10-25-2007, 07:57 AM

I agree, counseling is a great suggestion. It helps to say it outloud to an objective person who cares. If you don't like the first one, get another until you find someone you can relate to comfortably. Counseling has helped SO much. I have had it on and off since my first divorce. When i couldn't afford it, i went to centers that based their fees on my income. There is a shelter for battered women in my area and they also offer free counseling. Maybe there is something like that in your area. I only suggest these places because I used the "I can't afford it" excuse for too long.

Try not to contact the last boyfriend. It will just make you feel worse. Seek out positive and healing relationships with other women. Your world won't seem so small and isolated. Some of the best advice I have been given is:

Look out your window. There is a great big world out there.

Look up. Look around. Look away from yourself.

Live in the now.

I hope the best for you.

metisqueen · 11-03-2007, 02:57 PM

I don't think you have a personality disorder in the least personally. I do agree with everyone else that you would benefit greatly from some councelling. My aunt went through a similar situation. She would always go back with her boyfriend, and want validation from him. She blamed herself for everytime he beat her up and went through great lengths to hide it from everyone. Even now when she speaks about him she says that the first bit was really great, they had been through a lot together and she doesn't harbour any bad feelings towards him. She benefited a lot from councelling she recieved from the woman's shelter. Hope this helps.