I'm back and I'm okay sort of - Personality Disorder Message Board

HurtinHouston · 11-21-2007, 03:09 AM

Hi Everyone

Since this board is only for patients, call me Dunsten. I'm checking in. Hello again. I've been on the lam...laying low...hiding out...cheesing it. Actually, I've been living with my son for the past several weeks (almost month)waiting for him to get comfortable with the idea of me being alone. The first week wasn't happening after he, my BPD SO, threatened to kill my son. The second week I had Temporary Orders and a court date the following week. The third week I found out he'd hired a top gun, but he still had the nerve to show up at court pretending to be a cripple; in fact he did his best to imitate me. Is that anywhere in the PBD book? By the way, for the record it is possible to be BPD and be in relationship with a BPD, ergo I'm Dunsten.

I've checked into my solitary confinement luney bin for the BPD which has me bouncing off the walls. We aren't designed to be alone, are we? I just realized that I could do "alone" when my son was small because he was there. But I've never done alone alone. Not for an extended period. Any ideas on how to survive this will be most appreciated and welcomed.

Blessings,

Houston

Pri Lily · 11-21-2007, 10:02 AM

Hi

Yes, imitation is in the BPD handbook.... anything that will garner attention...preferrably good attention....but not always....there are some recent newsworthy BPD's...Columbine, and Virginia Tech among them.

Sorry to hear of your confinement, but it may be best for your own safety. Being safe is of paramount importantce.

Lil

rosequartz · 11-21-2007, 10:06 AM

Houston I'm glad to hear from you. Keep up the good work, do what you have to do to protect yourself........you're over the hump!

HurtinHouston · 11-23-2007, 05:40 PM

Thanks for the encouragement. It's good to hear from both of you. I hope you had a good Thanksgiving. I did; it was good to be with the kids again. I know they're too cramped in their little house to have me on a full-time basis, but I hope they don't mind me being around more.

Today was okay, too, with the mad holiday shopping frenzy, until I accidentally almost ran into my husband. I think I found a new gear on my car when I saw his car. I've gotta find a new place to shop.

You all take care. Happy Holidays!

Houston

HurtinHouston · 11-23-2007, 06:12 PM

You know I've been sitting here thinking about it since I hit the POST button, and I know I've been okay the past couple of days because I've been out with other people. But most days I don't have the health or energy to go out. I was forcing myself to do it for so long in spite of my health, that I dug myself into a hole.

Those are the days that, although my body says a difinitive "NO", my mind after while starts going wild with the need for contact. In my youth when this situation presented itself, I would simply fix myself up and go out with my gilrfriend(s) and find a new "relationship" to fill the void. That guy would be just fine for a while maybe, if we hit if off, but as soon as he did something wrong or I felt threatened in any way by his actions, he was dismissed.

My husband is the longest relationship I've ever had with another human being outside of related family and my best girlfriend. Sadly, I can't help but wonder now if we didn't feed off of each others' sickness. It wasn't all that obvious at first when I was out working all the time, at least to me then. I'm getting twenty-twenty hind-sight. I'll give him credit though, of the two of us, he was overwhelming the champion at rage and rejection.

Oh well, stick a fork in me; I'm done. Night ya'll.

Houston