Pri Lily...I have a question for you. I remember about two months ago, you felt that I showed symptoms or signs of BPD. And I know that you are affected by BPD yourself and I need advice on what to do. Do you think I am Borderline? Here's a common situation at school.
My best friend and I are extremely close with each other. He has told me numerous times that he loves me like his own brother and I tell him the same because it's what I truly feel. He suffers from ADHD and he becomes frustrated at school with learning of course. I care so much about him and try to help him understand that he is not dumb like he says he is and try to help him in general. He helps me a lot with when I am feeling extremely sad from depression.
That said, sometimes he gets very distracted when it's not the two of us but when there are more than 5 people talking. It is like he forgets that I completely exist and doesn't say anything to me. It really hurts my feelings and makes me sad and angry at the same time. I tell him that it hurts when he does that. He apologizes and tells me that he's really sorry. There were lots of people and that it was extremely hard for him to concentrate. He isn't on medication so I tell myself rationally that he isn't doing it on purpose. But for some reason, there's a little bit of doubt and hurt there that makes me sad and angry at the same time. And when we talk about it together, he will spend as long as need be to help me.
We together over text messages when we're across campus and out of class. We text a lot when we're not together personally. It is almost laughable in a way. We hang out a lot writing music on weekends, staying at each other's houses. His girlfriend will text him when we're together and he will text her back that instant for however long that may be. But when he is with his girlfriend and I text him something, he won't respond to it which really hurts me and makes me angry. I begin to think that he may be leaving me or doing it on purpose to hurt me. And if we have plans that weekend, I will tell him, "Let's not do this weekend. You've got better things than me." And he will tell me that he wants nothing more than to be with me. But if I feel that he is pulling away, I feel an urge to pull away too because I'm hurt. I feel like he is doing all of this on purpose and it makes me hurt and angry.
Do you think that this is very low self-esteem from my severe clinical depression or do you think that there is possibly a co-curring condition?
From what you've said, on this, and other threads, you have symptoms of BPD.
There are nine criteria, and I believe, that if you fit into seven of the criteria, you are considered BPD. You should read up on BPD, and see how many of the criteria you fit into.
If you are in fact BPD, it could be contributing to your depression...in a big way.
One thing is for sure....whether you're BPD or not, you should try to train yourself to curb the thoughts you have about your friend. You're very aware of them, so try to tone them down. Practice makes perfect...keep on doing it...it won't always work...especially at first.
Don't worry about what people think about your hair, I have a male friend who plays in three bands.....on weekends only, he works full time.....and his hair is half way down his back..he's 46....and women love it....no teasing for him.....oh his two kids 13 and 16 have long hair too.
Zed...you're a really smart guy...get the ball rolling on this now...don't wait until you're older.
Do some research, and see what you think.....and try to find a new therapist.
Hey Lily, sorry it has taken me awhile to get back to you. My family decided to take a few days to an American beach and I got back earlier this evening.
Well, I have taken a lot of online tests for Personality Disorders and this is what I have come across...
Typically the result of my tests say that I show moderate symptoms of BPD. They recommend speaking to a mental health professional. However, the tests recommended me to check another test out...
I took several online tests for Bipolar Disorder. The results of each say that I show moderate-severe symptoms for Bipolar Disorder. And I'm going to find a therapist and talk with him/her about it.
I have already been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder by my psychologist and pediatrician. I try my best to go to therapy at least once every other week and take Zoloft 100 MG to help alleviate the symptoms. However, I haven't really talked with my psychologist about when I'm feeling sad and irritated at the same time. I haven't talked with him about how I feel really good about myself and confident and in a moment, how I can feel so beaten down, hurt, and low self-esteem.
What do you recommend me to do Lily? Perhaps I have been Bipolar the entire time...and have been misdiagnosed by my doctors. In a way, I wouldn't be surprised if I were. There are times when I am really happy, a lot more active than usual, high self-esteem, concentrated on tasks at hand, fast thoughts, hostile angry, irritated angry, and then there are times when I am really sad, lethargic, have no interest in anything, feel completely alone, feel that no one likes me, low self-esteem, withdrawn, crying randomly, and serious dreadful thoughts.
However, I am no doctor, but I do know how I feel better than the doctors know how I feel. Any recommendations?
I have both bi-polar, and borderline personality disorder.
They can be really tough to distinguish between.
A LOT of the thought patterns can resemble each other.
The difference is WHY you are thinking the thoughts.
The situation you described with your friend, is definitely more BPD oriented than bi-polar.
Hostile angry, and irritated angry are BPD.
For example, bi-polar "hostile angry" would be.......You phone New York to tell Nike that you have a better slogan for them than "Just do It", and they just don't want to listen to you. (I really did that....yes I did). With bi-polar, your sex drive usually goes thru the roof....you spend money that you need for other things, and just think..."Oh well, I'll figure it out". The depressions usually consist of days in bed....that's it.....bathroom breaks, and sleep.
I get the impression that your thoughts are more "emotion" oriented...which is BPD.
Now what I recommend is....get a therapist....try to curb your thinking, especially where it concerns your friend. A truly classic sign of borderline, is that I will think that I SHOULD be more important than something else. Unfortunately, if the person I'm dealing with doesn't agree, the fight is on.
I overreact to things all the time...I will think that something is much worse than it really is....again when nobody agrees with me, I get "hostile angry".
This kind of stuff is what leads to depression. Being Borderline may have caused your depression, not the other way around.
These are just a few pointers for you.....
Please let me know what you think...I'm interested....