Originally Posted by kari d
sorry...just need to vent. I have a 24 year old son with BPD and i don't know how much longer i can take it. Meds and counseling don't seem to help him. It's been an ongoing struggle for years. He only lives for himself and doesn't care about anyone else (except his girlfriend). He spends every dime he makes on stuff he doesn't need. Every day there is something else he wants and he can't wait until he can save for it so out comes the credit cards. After a few days, he's broke and asking me for money to get him through til payday. He lives at home rent free. I know it's my fault too but he can't afford to pay rent or any other expenses because he's paying on so many bills. I walk on eggshells around him 24/7. I spend most of my time in my room because i don't want to be around him. This is no way to live in my own home. Everyone says "kick him out" but he'll just go to his grandmothers and it's not fair to do that to her. How do other parents deal with this?
#1 GET THIS BOOK..."STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS". It is for family and people with BPD.
I am a person with bpd, I tested out as a perfect example, except more severe at one time. I am now, after working on it diligently and WANTING to change, I function at a pretty high level. I am now taking care of things way more responsibly and yet emotionally have my bad days and good days.
Do not enable him in his lifestyle. My thought when I read your post was that he probably feels that making his girlfriend happy is going to make him happy. Wrong, but possibly she can some to a certain extent. That is co-dependency. I am guilty of shopping to make me happy. My dad refused to give me money to play with and that is where it gets difficult. I would get angry.
The main thing to understand is that you or no one else can "fix" him. He has to want to seek help and work at getting better. A social worker once told my dad to make me get a job and get out of his house in 2 months. I am still here at his house, but now finally have found a job that I think is going to work out. It is baby steps for me.
I lost everything, I basically had a meltdown. I am a young 53 and everything at 50 seemed to blow up in my face. I lost everything, my job, my apartment and new car. I over spent, over partyed and was into destructive behaviors towards myself. It took about 2 years for me to get back to somewhat normal, but I am not the same. I am very sensitive, tend to over value or de-value things or people in my life. I also lost all my "friends". I am telling you this to help you understand what our lives are like.
Any set back is devastating to me. However, like I said, the major thing is seek help for yourself by maybe going to a support group, reading books and above all, keep your sanity and maybe you might have to distance yourself from him. My sis did that to me for a few months, it hurt me, but she had to do it to protect herself. She and I have a rocky relationship a lot.
I do wish you the best and hope I have given you some insight into BPD. Try very hard not to enable him and preserve your own peace of mind.
Has he ever been in the hospital? I had a personality test once that confirmed me to be definitely bpd. That was helpful to me.
Best of luck