I am 23 and I am watching the TV show Lost and thinking how lucky these people are... I day dream so much these days about living different lives...
I am consistently addicted to a new video game or tv show playing or watching for hours and I think I am just hiding from reality in my mind.
I am recently married with no regrets and I love my wife very much. I think its time that I need to grow up and get involved with whats real making a "real" life but the harder I try, the more my mind wants to retreat out of reality.
I am a college student studying Physics and I find myself going from one addiction to another... first it was school, then it was movies, then it was tv shows, now its mindlessly violent video games that involving shooting everything in sight.
Everything has become so boring and pointless, reality is making less and less sense everyday and I have no idea whats wrong with it. When I was younger, I was told that I was just told that I was too smart for my own good and that I wasn't challenged enough in public school. I have been diagnosed with depression or bipolar from time to time, but they have had so many different opinions and so many different drugs to try that I have lost faith in their diagnosis. I believe there is something really wrong with my mind and I have no idea how to bring peace to it and be content with my responsibilities. Otherwise, I am never going to experience my potential, and be just like every immature kid.
Can someone give me help on how to grow up or just ideas in general how to get excited about life like everyone else seems to be?
I suffer from bouts of pure sadness and negativity and when I was younger I would get really hyper and often extremely impulsive. While I do believe I am depressed, I don't believe its the cause, more that it is a side effect. No one really taught me about reality, in fact, I think a lot of people are the same way. If you stop and think about the grand scheme of the universe, everything almost seems to trivial to matter.
I spent four years in the military, and I was unhappy there, but now that I have been out for 9 months, I am no more happy with myself than then, but my life is much less stressful and much happier in general especially with my wife. She is definitely my anchor right now, I just want her to start seeing how strong I can be on my own, be productive, and not appear to be a loser with no ambition in life.
The thing is, I have lost all motivation and ambition for living and its much more complex than slapping depression on as a label.
I am concerned that I might be ruining my life and I can't fix it.
When you said that some people said you were too smart for your own good reminded me of those exact words I have heard before with regards to a brother and Sister. They tell me it feel like your brain/mind is going 90miles and hour and you can't seem to grab on to your thoughts at times? Their mind seems to be so far ahead of what they are actually doing or saying that they have to really focus on things to get anything done and when they do something just for fun they have to get so involved to keep the mind on task(to keep it from bouncing from one topic to another) that they almost have to block out any distractions. Brother and Sister are older with separate lives and not particularly close over the years but their brains seem to have that same speed since they were young. They aren't crazy ..in fact have a very high IQ but have to really struggle with keeping their mind at a pace that they can keep up but having a conversation with people or just everyday life is kind of boring and they need to really challenge themselves in their work or hobby. But this may not be the case with you...just a thought. good luck.
Wow, 90 miles an hour sounds about right for my thought process. People hate arguing with me because I can give arguments to the thoughts that I am predicting the other people are about to give me. Finishing other people's sentences even people I don't really know. When I let my self hit that sixth gear, nothing can touch me. It just feels that for the longest time I can't get into first gear. I have been treated for ADD for an entire summer, but to be honest at my age, the mind has learned to cope at the speed of light for too long and when you slow down its really too slow to adjust too. However, as far as being challenged, the only thing in my life challenging is controlling my impulses and bad habits, like I said I am a Physics student. I can do good at everything I have tried in my life. Things I am not good at, don't even motivate me to try harder or to stick with it.
Its like apart of me is still a really small kid. I am even often forcing myself to wake up some days.
Video games, movies, and dvds, are the only thing that grab my attention, or sadly, are the only thing I let grab my attention. Its like apart of my doesn't even care about anything, even my own health.
Well then there is nothing wrong with you and others just will not understand what you are saying and the drugs they put you on are designed to stop that 'brain speed' and that is just silly...they truly do not understand because it takes someone very close to you to understand. However, I have been around this most of my life so I can tell you that all you have to do is to just learn how to harness it. I am close to the brother/sister and when they were young they turned to drugs/alcohol to stop the constant struggle in their heads but eventually both got off of drugs and each have managed to challenge themselves. They excel at their work/jobs and hobbies they are always thinking of different ways to do things. I can understand your playing computer games because of the fast pace and challenge. Too bad you got married but I do hope your wife understands your brain is different and when you do finally leave college find a job that allows you to challenge yourself to invent something. I don't know how physics will translate into the real world but it sounds like a good area for you to be in. You above all else HAVE to harness that brain or it will drive you nuts. Learn how to relax without doing anything. And stop finishing sentences for others...LOL that is a tough one because I know you are so far ahead of the conversation. Just know you are not crazy and you don't need medicines you just need to learn to live with yourself. good luck.