I don't trust people, I get panic attacks in a group of people. I prefer being inside alone.I ahd very abusinve life until now. I am in relationship with someone, but refuse intimacy because I hate it, I also make excuses for him to go so I can be alone. That way no one gets to hurt me anymore.
This could be a personality disorder of some kind. paticllurly if this has been a pursusive pattern of behaviour over a period of time.
Keep posting and let us know how you're getting on.
You may also like to track down a psychologist in the first instance and have talk with them and see what the psycholgist thinks and how you feel after that too.